Another Step

Imagine you decided to take a trip southward and eventually ended up in Antarctica. This would take some serious maneuvering of travel modes, but it is distinctly possible that the frozen tundra of the South Pole would be your stopping place if you kept going south.

Once you arrived, you might complain about the cold temperatures and how it wasn't what you expected, but this is still the journey you chose to undertake. With a desire for warmer temperatures and a lack of enthusiasm for your surroundings, you can begin a northward trek. The truth, however, is that you won't be on a sunny beach in a short period of time. Your journey to the South Pole took a while and the warm beaches of Miami, Florida aren't quite within reach yet. You've got to keep traveling in the right direction to get where you want to be.

I see this being similar to the picture of recovery. We usually end up in predicaments (relationship, financial, mental health, habits, addictions) because of a series of choices. While we can see positive gains from a change of direction, there are still steps of healing that will take time. Committing to the process of growth and healing is a lifelong journey.

You can't change in a day what took a lifetime to create, but you can take another step in the right direction. Where do you need to take a step today?

Continually Updating

Two years ago I started a journey of personal transformation. I had reached my IHHE moment (I Have Had Enough) and committed to a a lifestyle change to improve my physical health. I didn't know exactly how things were going to progress, but I knew I wasn't content to let them stay the same. It hasn't always been easy and there have been some potential detours in the road, but I have maintained my focus and kept pushing forward. I don't know exactly where this will end up or exactly what I will look like in the future, but I feel more confident walking down this pathway.

I am still a work in progress in many different ways and not just physically. I want to see my compassion increase, my emotional health improve, to become wiser, to increase in positive influence, to be a more fully devoted follower of Christ, and to find new ways to use my personal strengths to help others. I want to be an improved husband, father, and friend who benefits the lives of others. While I may be on the right track in some of these areas, I also recognize how far I have to go. Thankfully, my entire life is part of this journey and as long as I am drawing breath I have space to improve.

There is the potential for a better version of me in the future (Craig 2.1 if you will) and I am not content to stick with the present condition. I'm willing to work even when it isn't easy and chase after that vision even though I don't know exactly what I will look like. I do know that this commitment will bring noticeable changes over time and that can sometimes be the fuel I need to carry on.

Be There

Are we so consumed with the busyness of accomplishment in our lives that we’ve forgotten to take pleasure in the journey?

Often it’s easy to become so consumed with doing things to maintain a lifestyle that we forget how to live in the middle of those efforts. Our passion for pursuing health can lead us to being consumed by exercise regimens instead of taking pleasure in good health. Our pursuit of career goals can lead us to tunnel vision that eliminates the enjoyment of progress. We can pour our lives into church and working for Christ and never really walk with Him in a relationship. A deep passion for providing every opportunity for our family negates the simple joy of doing things together. The efforts to push ahead are valuable and shouldn’t be neglected, but we’ve missing something incredibly valuable if we just zero in on the perceived destination.

I think sometimes I’ve become so focused on doing that I’ve forgotten the value of being. Life isn’t just about the targets in front of us. While there is great satisfaction in achieving those goals our memories are made in the steps along the journey.

One Big Story

There is one big story being told through the totality of our life. We don’t always see the whole tale or understand how it will all play out. Sometimes the chapter we are currently living out can be discouraging or frustrating and cause us to lose focus. Remembering that this is only part of our larger story can sometimes give us hope to keep pushing forward—to turn the page.

Our story won’t be made up of one bad day, one lousy season, or a few bad decisions. Like any good novel, these are only parts of the bigger narrative of our whole life and there is always hope for redemption and restoration. We do ourselves a disservice if we only focus on one negative (or positive) piece. Keep moving forward and focusing on the big picture and it helps each small season make more sense and not seem as overwhelming.

Housekeeping

Early in our married life my wife and I were terrible slobs (thankfully that is no longer the case.) We didn't really have the discipline to keep a tidy house and allowed our schedules (and laziness) to keep us from cleanliness. Eventually we would reach a mutual point of disgust (and lack of clean dishes) that would force us to stop pretending things were clean. We could no longer hide piles of newspapers under the couch or dirty clothes behind a closed laundry room door. Things had to be dealt with or the situation was never going to get any better.

I think we can do the same thing with the spiritual health of our life. We don't have the proper habits to keep things in order so they slide into disarray. While we might be uneasy about the state of things, we also realize we can hide it for a while if we're careful. Eventually, the mess will become more noticeable in our relationships, our attitude, and our overall health and we'll be forced to do something about it.

I don't want to pretend that spiritual health is supposed to be neat and orderly. In fact, I think it's the exact opposite. An authentic spiritual journey has rough edges, is far from perfect, and doesn't always flow smoothly according to everybody's expectations. The key to keeping things moving forward is to be free to call it for what it is as we keep working on it. Pretending that things are neat and clean because we are hiding the truth doesn't benefit anyone. Be willing to admit we are all messy while pursuing God's best in our lives. That's the quality of a genuine life headed in the right direction.

Set the Course

At Northridge we have an event at least twice a year called "Baby Dedication" where families get together and pray a blessing over their young child. It also involves parents consciously thinking about what they would like their children to become while making a commitment to raising them up in Christ. I always enjoy being a small part of this ceremony and watching the families and friends rallying together around each other and the future of this child. While there are no guarantees along this life path, there is a tremendous benefit in establishing a specific bearing.

There's something powerfully inspiring about setting a course of direction. I believe most people set out with good intentions, but neglect to project a specific path. Having some confidence in the course we want to follow keeps us focused on making choices that support that desire. Being able to define where you want to go helps shape the life we live along the way.

Choosing a Path

I’ve written before about my fascination with people and their individual stories. I wonder how they’ve ended up in their present condition and location and the path of life which has led them here. It’s not always easy to see the depth of a life story from a distance and some people are very good at hiding those stories. Sadly, the pain of life can be more obvious in some people than in others even from far away.

A derailed life is a result of choice. That doesn’t mean people always choose to live a life which has drifted into pain and discomfort. It does reflect our previous (and sometimes current) choices which have crafted difficult circumstances. These can be a direct result of the decisions made by each of us while some of our present condition is caused by the choices of others around us. The weight of poor choices can be a heavy burden to bear.


While we can’t negate the past influence of these options, we can decide what to do with them in the future. Each of us possesses the power to cast aside the weight of what is behind and strain ahead into something better. It’s the only way to get a derailed life story back on track.

Attention Getter

A few years ago, our mission team was headed to Arizona to work on the Apache reservation. We had arrived at the Atlanta airport and our group was waiting for me to give them some check-in instructions once I talked with the airline. Once I knew our plan, I walked over to our team and said (somewhat loudly), “If everyone would gather over here, I’ll tell you what we need to do next.” Thankfully, our team responded well and moved in closer to hear me. The unexpected result of my announcement was that another ten travelers moved closer to our group as well even though they had no idea who I was. Apparently my voice was enough to get their attention and pull them in to our conversation.

This had me thinking about what it takes to get our attention. What conditions have to be right for us to notice a change in our surroundings? How focused do we need to be on what’s happening around us to detect something new? Does it take great tragedy to get our attention? Is there a need within us to hear something different? Much like the people in the airport, we can be moved by a voice which commands our attention. The question is what voice we let speak to us in a way that pulls us away from our current path.

Intersections

The relationships in our life are like a network of roads on a long journey. Sometimes they are headed on the same path for long distances while others only briefly cross before moving in a different direction. They are immediately important when traveling together, but also serve as mile markers on the journey after they are gone.

We have people we interact with for years while others are only for a season. I’ve discovered that the length of time of our relationships doesn’t always determine their value however. Traveling together for long periods of time will influence us more deeply, but there is still great impact from the brief interactions we have if we are willing to acknowledge them. They are all a significant part of our life’s journey and taking the time to recognize their impact strengthens their continuing influence on who we are becoming.

No Shortcuts

There are two variations on the most popular question asked on road trips. At some point in the journey you can expect to hear, "Are we there yet?" and/or "How much longer?" I recognize part of this is an excitement about arriving at our destination, but there is also an element of bored impatience behind these questions. Instead of enjoying the act of traveling we become consumed with the end of the trip.

I don't suppose this attitude is any different for the rest of our life's journey either. We are zoned in on arriving at big milestones and forget to enjoy what happens along the way. Sometimes we are rushing towards these positive moments (graduation, wedding, birth, promotions) and neglect the joy of the process of getting there. Even when we deal with painful situations we eagerly anticipate the solution and want things to be resolved quickly. While our desire to be relieved of pain is understandable, this ignores what we can learn by persevering through the process of healing.

While all of life may not seem joyful, there is much to be learned in the process of living. When we rush to get to celebrations or strain ahead to move past pain we are neglecting some of the sweetest and most memorable parts of life. No matter what our intent is we can't shortcut the process of growth. We are all required to travel the full path of life and sometimes it takes longer than we think it should. Take pleasure in the entire journey because this moment has something unique to offer.

Enjoy the Ride

It’s been a good year to be a New York Mets fan. We won our division and made the playoffs for the first time in nine years and have been fun to watch. We’ve got some good young talent and our front office made some smart moves to help us get better too. I’ve had a lot of people ask me about my expectations for the team now that we’re in the postseason as they wonder how the team will perform. I’ve been able to tell anyone who asks that everything that happens from here out is extra pleasure. Even if we were to lose right away (which we didn’t) it’s been a good ride and I’ve enjoyed the season no matter what happens.

Can we take that same attitude in the rest of our life? I’m not saying we should enter into things without planning for success, but I do think we need to find more joy in the journey. So often we create mental expectations and end up causing ourselves more stress than we should. We get caught up in the details of making life happen and forget to discover enjoyment. I am one who can be guilty of neglecting joyful moments simply because I’m focused on solving the next problem or trying to get things done. I believe we would all be more content if we could learn to enjoy the journey even as we keep pushing forward to make things happen.

Stained and Scarred

My wife and I both drive older vehicles. I have a 1993 Volvo which was generously given to me by my mother-in-law several years ago and Dana drives our 2003 Dodge Caravan. There are two good things about these cars: they are still on the road and they are paid for. They no longer have the new car smell, but have been made comfortable through regular use and familiarity. Each one has its own quirks as well: windows that won't go down, radio/odometer that no longer works, stains on the carpet, straight pins holding up the inside liner, door handles that don't always open, doodles on the back of seats from when our kids were younger, and even dings in doors. Most of these have a story behind them of some mishap, an accident, a family mess, or a malfunction. We laugh about them even as our vehicles continue to age because these stories and incidents are part of what make our vehicles belong to us.

I think our lives are like this too. We are no longer fresh, clean, or unmarked, but have scars and weird quirks developed over the years. We have lived out stories (sometimes painful and sometimes humorous) of why we are the way we are and the journey we've taken to arrive here today. We might feel well worn, but this comes from the sum of our experiences both good and bad. It's these imperfections that make us human and allow us to appreciate the scars and limps of other people as well. All of these things are key parts of the foundation of the person we are becoming and tell the story of how we have arrived.

Running Together

My wife and I both took advantage of surprisingly cooler temps this morning and went running. We didn't run together (my longer legs make that difficult), but we gained great satisfaction from our separate miles. Afterwards, we were walking back up to the house when my wife said, "You realize we are one of those couples, don't you? Now we exercise and go to the gym together." Her statement was focused more on the changes in our lifestyles and our shared desire to improve our fitness than anything else.

I love that I have made changes to my life, but I gain greater satisfaction in sharing them with my wife. Neither one of us is okay with accepting "the norm" and want to push each other to grow as we pursue God's pathway for us. We get to help each other persevere through adversity, ask & answer tough questions, and contemplate the potential possibilities as we live a life of faith. We aren't the same couple we were even just a year ago and that's because of God's work in both of us.

There is no one I would rather share this journey with than her.

Mile Markers

I like to travel and be in exciting places, but the actual journey isn’t always the most thrilling. This is especially true when you are stuck in slow moving traffic. The most frustrating times are when things slow down for no apparent reason. You may inch along the interstate for 30 minutes and then suddenly everything is back up to speed without any visible cause. This doesn’t even begin to address my frustration with slow drivers (I know—I have issues) and the way they impede my forward progress. Even with smooth moving traffic, I get bored on a long trip if the scenery doesn’t change. It seems as if I won’t ever arrive at my destination, even though mile markers along the way let me know I am getting closer to where I want to go.

I need to make sure there are some of these mile markers in my life as well. The journey of growth and progress I’m on don’t always move forward at the pace I want. Sometimes it feels as if my progress is impeded and I can’t always see the cause. In other times the routine of travel becomes a bit ordinary and makes the journey feel even longer. Perhaps the key is to keep those mile markers close by—short term goals and ways to measure progress that let me know I’m moving forward. I’ve got to set these for each area of my life if I want to be encouraged on the journey. These small markers help me to realize I am making progress even when the destination seems far away.

Just Get Started

It's not a new thing for me to write and think about starting new patterns in life. I think it's become ingrained as part of me even though it wasn't necessarily natural until the last few years. Part of it is my passionate enthusiasm for the concept of new beginnings which can't become real until we start something. I think we get overwhelmed with this idea when we look at daunting changes and how far we have to go to reach our goal. I'll admit this can be discouraging and can persuade us to avoid change instead of tackling it head on. There have been times when I've given up before I started because the obstacles in front of me seemed to large and the journey too long.

I don't intend to make change sound easier than it is and I recognize how difficult life-altering habits can be to establish. Sometimes we just need encouragement from others on the journey and the validation that we can simply start where we are. We don't have to reach a certain level before we can begin life change, but can begin at whatever point in life we find ourselves. It's the forward progress that makes a difference. The starting line for the journey to transformation isn't off in the distance. It's right in front of us waiting for us to take the first step.

Off We Go

My wife and I watched the first Hobbit movie again the other night (our whole family loves Tolkien's series.) As the characters set off on their quest, I thought to myself, "they have no idea how long this journey will actually take or how different they will be when they return." Obviously, I am aware these are fictional characters, but the theme still rings true for us. 

We are all embarking on journeys throughout our different phases of life. The beginning of each one holds great promise, excitement, and even some fear. Even though we may have some idea where we are headed, there are unexpected turns and events which change the shape of our travel. The length of our journey and the personal adaptations we go through are not always easily anticipated. If we head down this path with a flexible mindset and the willingness to explore, there's a good chance we'll be positively improved at the conclusion of our trip.

Enjoy the Ride

I see pictures online of people on vacation and start to think about our family vacation at the end of the summer. We always head down to the beach and spend a week being hermits. I'm already looking forward to it and have to remind myself not to dwell on it too much since it is still a few months away.

We leave for the beach early on the day of departure so we can be there by lunchtime and have the afternoon to spend relaxing. Honestly, my main objective on the day of travel is to get there as quickly as possible so our adventure can begin. I don't think too much about the journey except to move it along as quickly as possible (within legal limits of course.)

While it might make sense to think this way about a vacation, I wonder how often I make the mistake of rushing my journey in the rest of my life. I tend to think ahead and look forward to new things and while that is valuable for a vision-focused person, it can lead to me neglecting the value of the process of getting there. There should be joy and a peaceful appreciation for the steps of the journey and not just a focus on my destination. Our life pilgrimage will be much sweeter when we soak up all of the moments along the way. Our life is not just based on where we end up, but how we live out each step along the way. My experiences would be even more fulfilling if I would fully engage in all parts of the journey and not just focus on the arrival.

Speak Up

We are all affected by words spoken to us. How we react depends greatly on who is doing the speaking. If it is a complete stranger it will probably not have as great of an impact. On the other hand, if we are close to the person their words will carry more weight. If this is an individual that we respect, we will listen more carefully even if what they share is very difficult to hear.

This should be an active part of our path to maturity as we seek out wise counsel and invite others to be part of our life's journey. We need to develop trusting relationships with people and then give them the freedom to speak into our lives. This is not always an easy process and it certainly doesn't happen quickly. Instead, we build this level of helpful communication through shared lives and the willingness to work through easy and difficult trials. In a mutual relationship this is one of the most beneficial pieces of personal growth.

To whom do you give freedom to speak into your life? How have they earned that right over time?

Not What You See

I believe most of us are guilty of making assumptions about other people without considering their full story. We only see their reaction to circumstances or the exterior shell they have constructed while missing the life events that have led to this point. The truth is we don't know the weight they carry nor do we have a clear understanding of the source of their burdens. From a distance we can't know how people are compensating for their wounds as they limp emotionally through life, avoiding anything that might trigger previous pain. Without taking time to investigate, we can dismiss people too quickly as we only see the after effects of life without bothering to see the cause.

We must condition ourselves to avoid rashly judging people based only on what we see. I know I am more than I appear to be and I need to extend that same courtesy to others. If we would share the compassionate understanding we all hope to receive we would discover we much more in common than we might think. At the very least, we would gain genuine compassion for our fellow travelers on life's journey.

Living in Regret

There are many decisions in my own life that I regret. There are thoughts I have meditated on, words that I have spoken in haste, and behaviors I have chosen that I wish I could take back. My life's path is littered with the debris from immature decision making.

If it was possible to go back in time and correct these decisions, I would do it. I recognize that I could be in a much better spiritual, physical, and emotional state if I had avoided many earlier poor choices. I could be farther along in my own maturity. I could be in a more stable financial state. I could be a better husband, father, Christ-follower, and leader if I hadn't made so many other poor decisions. 

The reality is that I can't change any of those past choices. I can't erase them from the sum of my life's history and I am unable to remove the damage I have done to those around me. I have the option of being frustrated by this and lamenting what "could be" if I had lived differently. The better option is for me to recognize that this is where I am by God's generous love alone. Instead of living in anxiety over those life choices I will choose to move forward in humble acceptance of God's wonderful grace.