Saying Goodbye to The Velvet Hammer

My hometown community suffered a great loss last week when my friend, mentor, colleague, and former boss, Patsy Graham passed away. We haven’t stayed in consistent touch with each other since she retired several years ago, but that doesn’t soften my sense of loss or the grief I feel at her death. 

I have known her for close to 30 years with nine of those working together at Mainland High School. She was tough as nails and wouldn’t back down from anyone. Patsy was also incredibly gracious and would look for ways to help people fulfill their potential and become the best version of themselves they could possibly be. While she was known as a great leader and principal, it was her genuine concern for individuals and her desire to see them grow that truly marked her leadership. It’s this combination of strength and gentleness that helped to earn her the nickname, “The Velvet Hammer."

I remember hearing one story in particular coming out of a principal’s meeting. Another local leader was lamenting the difficulties of educating the students who were struggling at the bottom of the curve. This other principal commented that his overall school performance would improve if they didn’t have to deal with that group. In her inimitable southern accent, Patsy leaned across the table with fiery passion and said, “Send those students to us! We will educate them!” It was a perfect example of her commitment to bettering everyone within her reach without regard for what the system might have to say about it.

One of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had was when I left Mainland to go into ministry. I called and asked her if I could stop by her house as this needed to be a personal, face-to-face conversation. I distinctly remember being very nervous at sharing this news with her—not because I was afraid of her reaction, but because I didn’t want to disappoint her. We sat in recliners in her living room as I struggled to get the news out and to seek her input. I don’t know that I actually received her blessing that day even though she (grudgingly) understood my decision. She was so passionate about education and helping all of us—students and teachers alike—become better people and then sharing that legacy together.

The last time I saw her was almost two years ago at a Mainland family wedding. I didn’t know this would be our last chance to talk, but I felt compelled to share a few words with her. As she was getting ready to leave, I hugged her tightly and spoke in her ear over the loud reception music. I told her she was the best leader I had ever been privileged to work with and that her influence was tangibly evident in me and my views of those around me. I went on to let her know that there weren’t many days where I didn’t think about her and how well she cared for us all. I almost feel that those few moments were inadequate to fully describe her impact, but I at least wanted her to know how much she meant to me. We parted with a hug and “I love you,” not knowing it would be the last time we spoke.

There isn’t one person who will be able to fill her role, but all of us who have been impacted by her will do our best to keep working for the good cause. We will be strong when it is needed and stand for those who can’t stand for themselves. We will be compassionate and understanding while believing the best in others. We will strive to lead others to work together for the common good and look for every moment to do what’s right. It won’t be easy, but together we can continue to see her good work continued. 

You will be greatly missed, my friend. We will do our best to carry your legacy forward. 

Changing Trajectory

Trajectory is a great physics principle that refers to the flight path of an object. From a sociological view it can also be used to describe individual lives and the path each of us takes through life. In either instance, there are outside factors that influence what that trajectory looks like.

We all have the power of influence. Our conversations, brief interactions, and personal efforts all have the potential to make a difference in another person’s life. It may be a significant opportunity to influence (parents, mentors, teachers, coaches, pastors) or it may be a more subtle personal interaction with people we see on our path of life. We won’t always see the full impact we potentially have on others, but it’s important to mindful of it as we walk through life.

How can we positively affect people’s trajectory? How can we look to intentionally change someone’s life path in an encouraging way? Don't only focus on long term growth, but on how you are changing things for people each day. You never know how important our positive encouragement might be and the difference it can make in that person's life.

Renovation Project

Renovation of cities and neighborhoods has recently become a more popular movement as we realize the need to help make positive changes where we live. I am a believer in the need for responsible citizens and Christ followers to invest deeply in their community. Leonce Crump’s book, “Renovate: Changing Who You Are By Loving Where You Are” echoes that sentiment in a way that made me exclaim “Yes!” several times while reading it.

Leonce is a pastor in Atlanta who understands the need to be committed to your present city while being fueled by a passion to facilitate positive changes. He issues a powerful challenge in his introduction by telling his readers they are in their current location to be part of God’s solution and meet the need around them. This is in opposition to the societal norm that applauds transience. Pastor Crump instead is looking to reinforce the principle of having a “theology of place” and staying somewhere long enough to help contribute to positive change.

His book isn’t just a challenge to work long-term towards lasting change, but also to eradicate segregational barriers that prevent true unity. He encourages readers to identify everyone through the eyes of Christ to see the “new humanity” and “new community” we are called to have through the cross of Christ. This is a passionate plea to work together in our neighborhoods with respect and commitment so we can see a partnership of lasting renovation.

Leonce is obviously passionate about the need for the church to be a leader in true renovation and he isn’t afraid to share hard truths. He made me think very carefully about my own efforts to make a difference and to make sure my motives were clear. He was able to clearly communicate tough principles without seeming judgmental or condescending. His book was challenging enough to make me think about driving to Atlanta just to spend some time with him and see how he is living these principles out. I definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to be part of positive change in their community and wants to be part of something that lasts.

Shift of Attitude

There is beauty in a simple, genuine prayer of humility. If we want to have a positive effect on our community and those close to us we have to choose to act in kindness. Even if you aren't a follower of Christ the words of St. Francis of Assisi are wise to follow:

Lord, 

Make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon,

Where there is discord, union,

Where there is doubt, faith,

Where there is error, truth,

Where there is despair, hope,

Where there is sadness, joy,

Where there is darkness, light.

O Divine Master, 

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

I'm Right Here

"Be where you are right now."

That statement seems too obviously simple to live by. How could we be anywhere else but where we are in this moment? While we can't change our present physical location we can choose to be somewhere else mentally and emotionally. It's reflected in the way we endure the work week to get to the weekend, pine for upcoming vacations while wishing the current days away, neglecting to engage in our community because of our fixation with other places and people, and in our obsession with social media instead of focusing on the people right in front of us.

This mindset ends up ignoring present people and moments because we are looking too far ahead. It ends up robbing the joy from our current position (even if we have to look harder for that joy sometimes.) There are experiences to be had, relationships to be developed, patience to be learned, and influence to be shaped if we dwell richly in this moment. Don't wish away or waste the moment you are in, but learn to be where you are right now.

Intersections

The relationships in our life are like a network of roads on a long journey. Sometimes they are headed on the same path for long distances while others only briefly cross before moving in a different direction. They are immediately important when traveling together, but also serve as mile markers on the journey after they are gone.

We have people we interact with for years while others are only for a season. I’ve discovered that the length of time of our relationships doesn’t always determine their value however. Traveling together for long periods of time will influence us more deeply, but there is still great impact from the brief interactions we have if we are willing to acknowledge them. They are all a significant part of our life’s journey and taking the time to recognize their impact strengthens their continuing influence on who we are becoming.

It Takes a Team

There is a young man named Tey who lived in our neighborhood until recently. He has four brothers and a single mom who is doing the best she can with what she has. We have developed a friendship over the last 1 1/2 years and have been able to help his family in times of need. My wife has been the main connection as he seems to respond best to her motherly instincts. 

Tey graduated from high school this past year and has been working to follow a plan to help his future. He has overcome many personal and system obstacles to be a well-balanced, thoughtful, and caring young man who knows what he wants to do to help himself and his family. He has come to our church a few times and is always the initiator on attending even though he knows the door is always open. He was back in town this weekend and texted Dana earlier to ask if he and his friend could get a ride to church. She was obviously more than happy to help and had no idea how this day would end.

At the end of our service during our closing song, Tey came forward to talk with our lead pastor and asked to be baptized. He admitted he had always believed in Jesus, but had never had anyone communicate how important baptism was. We certainly never expected to have this happen on this first Sunday of the new year and also recognize it wasn't the result of one person's efforts. 

One of our elders is a teacher who knew Tey as a troubled elementary student and can attest to his maturity. This same elder helped drive him to Macon for an appointment this past year and has continued to pray for him. My wife has consistently been there for him and has helped in conversation, physical needs, and in prayer. Mike spoke today about baptism in a way that touched Tey's heart and helped to inspire him to take action. These three people (and many others I am sure) all contributed to helping Tey reach this point in his faith journey. Each role is important and valuable and a result of being obedient to God's calling to care for other people. 

We are involved as a community in making a difference in the lives of others. There is a role for each person to play and value in the contributions we each make. It takes all of us to reach all of us.

Cross Training

One of the things I've recently learned about running is the great value of cross-training. My simple logic tells me I would get better at running by running more. While that is true, I'm discovering improvements from the in-between days of weights and other activities as well. These "off days" are good for resting, but they also make me better as they stretch me in different ways.

I realize I should be taking this approach in the rest of my life too. It's not just the big moments that help me get stronger, but how I use the moments in between that make a difference. Reading books/blogs/articles that stretch my thinking, talking with new people, listening to different voices, and using my own gifts in new ways are all effective methods of making me better overall. It's not easy to think about doing this on a personal level, but I believe it makes us more well rounded people. We are stronger overall as a result of varying influences and our willingness to make better use of the time in between the big moments of life.

They Came to Serve

Our week of camp has finally come to an end and we have all returned safely to our own homes. It was a powerful week of adventure, spiritual experiences, and tremendous laughter. This just wrapped up my 12th year of leading camp and I believe I have a few more in me. I am always learning new things as we lead, but one thing remains the same. Our week of camp is only as strong as our volunteer leaders. I have been tremendously blessed each year by the volunteers who sacrifice their time, money, energy, sleep, and sometimes sanity to make a difference in the lives of middle schoolers. This isn't an easy task they have been called to and yet they continue to rise up and pour themselves out for the sake of this generation. This year was no exception.

This diverse group of people (many who had never met each other before--some I had never met before either) took on the daunting challenge of leading 132 middle school youth for an entire week. They played basketball, fit people into harnesses for high ropes, led discussion groups, sang loudly, danced, rode bikes, stood in the sun, walked people to the nurse (and back again and sometimes again and again), laughed at stupid videos and hilarious campers, prayed with and for people, answered questions, and functioned as pseudo mothers, father, big brothers, and sisters. There was no pay except camp food, a t-shirt, limited sleep, and the trust that God was working through them in incredible ways they may not even realize. These adults ranging wide in age and camp experience stood in the gap for a group of campers this week and pointed them in the direction of Christ. It is their selfless sacrifice that makes a week successful. I am grateful for them and their commitment to a difficult and yet rewarding quest of influence.

Thank you, my faithful friends (both old & new) for what you allowed God to do through you this week. Your Kingdom influence is greater than you know.

Helpful Truth

Our perception of current reality is very often defined by our past experiences. While this can be helpful in some circumstances, it doesn't always present the most accurate view. Our past wounds, disappointments, and even victories will color our reactions to our present situation. After a while it can even harden our hearts and solidify our minds to the point that we are unable to see the truth. 

As I thought about people and situations in my life this morning, I found myself asking God for one simple truth: "Help me to see things as they really are." This can be a scary prayer because it means that God will reveal things about me that I may not be aware of. If I really want to help others and be a positive, shaping influence, I need to start here. How can I handle the truth of the world around me if I'm not willing to see the truth about myself first? 

As someone who often mentally makes things worse than they really are, what I need most is to see the absolute truth and that is only available if I open myself up to what God wants me to see. His way is the only real truth and if I want to be an influencer for Him, I need to know what I'm really dealing with. Even if dealing with myself is the first step.

Daily Writing

My wife is an excellent writer who is able to capture emotions, stir up thoughts, and create conversation through the power of her words. I write more frequently, but differently in style and content. In our individual ways we are story tellers with different and effective approaches.

The truth is that we are all story tellers. Each day we write another portion of the tale of our lives through the decisions we make, the words we speak, and the actions we live out. Some days we write grand chapters of adventure and positive outcomes. There are some sections marked by mediocrity and idling along. Sadly, there are also portions sprinkled with poor decision making and regret. It is the sum of these experiences that make up the story of our life.

We all know when our story began, but none of us knows for certain when our epic tale will end. We just have to continue a real life exercise in "Choose Your Own Adventure" that will create memories and steer us down our life pathway. We won't always get it right, but simply need to keep a focused commitment of writing the very best story possible.

Infectious

During winter it seems as if common colds, influenza, and stomach flu run rampantly through communities. Sometimes the sickness is so pervasive it's hard to remember when everyone around you was healthy. This season always leads to obsessive hand-washing, generous amounts of Germ-X, and even the ingestion of some apple cider vinegar in an attempt to avoid illness. Sadly, it doesn't always work as our best efforts are unable to keep us from avoiding the contagious disease. The infection is often too strong to avoid-apparently some people are just too contagious for us to avoid.

How contagious are we in other areas of our life? Are we so strongly committed to our beliefs that it begins to influence other people? Is there evidence of our convictions in our speech, attitudes, and actions that begins to impact those close to us? I don't believe we need to be forceful or pushy with our infectious behavior, but it should certainly make enough of an mark to be noticed and hopefully motivate others along the way.

I'm Here

It's often said that showing up is half of the battle. The problem with this philosophy is that you will lose a battle in which you only fight 50% of the time. We've convinced ourselves that our presence is enough when it doesn't necessarily indicate our engagement. "Being there" isn't adequate to develop a relationship or have a substantial impact if we refuse to invest ourselves into the moment.

Our children need more than a parent who is merely present and they desire someone who cares enough to discipline and encourage them. An athlete isn't going to improve their skills by standing at practice in full gear, but never engaging in any drills. You won't mature in your relationship with Christ by checking off church attendance on your to do list and ignoring God the rest of the week. Standing in the right place without putting in the right effort will cause us to lose every time.

Don't just show up, but learn to engage in something worthwhile. If it's important enough for your presence, it's important enough to work at it.

Big Brick

This may look like an ordinary brick, but it is so much more. When I left Mainland High School and my teaching/athletic training career we were in a construction project. A team was tearing down portions of the old school as they built a new one in its place. As I wrapped up my summer position there one of the custodians brought this brick to me. It was from the classroom I had taught in for years and it has a prominent place on the shelf in my office today.

This is more than memorabilia to me. It is a symbol of the foundation laid in me through Mainland High School and the family there. It signifies the trust they placed in me when they brought me on staff and the loving patience they showed me as I matured. This was the place that developed my passion for other people and shaped my leadership skills. At Mainland I learned to think long term and see the stories behind people's attitudes. It was here that I was honored to work with some of the brightest, most compassionate, and loyal friends. This brick represents the people that are still so important to me that I deeply care for.

I suppose it doesn't necessarily matter if anyone else sees more than a brick as long as I understand it's value. I believe it's healthy to have artifacts such as this to make sure we remember how we arrived in our present position.

In Part

What were you part of today? It's not that we have to be actively engaged in a community are part of something bigger and if we are aware of it our focused efforts will be that much more significant.
transforming movement to call the day a success. It's important, however, that we recognize the value of our role in each of our interactions. We have opportunities each day to influence others, encourage our friends, love our families, and develop our character. These might not seem like monumental increases, but they are key contributors to the flow of life around us. We

Step It Up

No matter what you've gone through, you can still do a lot with what you have. 

Veronika Scott

Regardless of your past, you can still make a significant difference in this world. Are we able to take our experiences and let them motivate us to do something substantial? Are we willing to carve out a legacy of positive impact? Let's see what happens if we commit our lives to adding value in innovative ways.

Manly Focus

The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom and his tongue speaks what is just. 

The law of God is in his heart; his feet do not slip. Psalm 37:30-31

These verses describe the man that I want to become. It speaks well of the character of a godly man that is intent on following God's design for his life. It reminds me to use my words in the best way possible without inflicting harm while dealing with difficult situations when needed. These verses remind me that unless I am firmly rooted in God's truth, I am liable to fall from grace and damage people around me. I am only able to stand securely when I do so through the strength of God's great word and His faithful promises to me.

I have committed these verses to memory so that I can constantly review them throughout the day and gauge my focus and progress. If I am unwilling to reevaluate my growth, then it's obvious that I'm not truly interested in transformation. I dream of a community where the men would commit themselves to the power contained in these two verses. Imagine the incredible difference we could make if these became our driving force for leading in our families, the church, and in our community.

Impact

Drop a pebble in the water; just a splash and it’s gone; 

But there’s half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on, 

Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea. 

And there’s no way of telling where the end is going to be. 

--James W. Foley 

Whether we choose to admit it or not, our lives will have an impact on people around us. That impact will be more directly felt by our immediate family, closest friends, and colleagues, but is more widespread than we might believe. An act of kindness, a well-timed phrase, and a note of encouragement can provide long-lasting and far reaching positive influence. A sarcastic reply, a rude gesture, and a selfish attitude can be just as impactful, but far more negatively. It may seem like a throw-away moment to us, but it can create a ripple effect of impact for others. I don't think it means that we have to live like we are walking on egg shells, but we should at least consider the impact of the way we choose to treat others.

Big Voice

I've always had a big voice. In fact, my voice changed early in life which took some of my teachers by surprise. To be honest, it took me a while to figure out how to use my voice properly. I knew that I had some power, but it took an 8th grade English teacher to help me develop it. She taught me how to use modulation and inflection to make a difference at the right time. I've had to work since then to learn the best method and time to use it.

Not everyone has a loud, deep voice, but all of our voices are important as long as we discover the right time and situation to raise it. If you are always speaking loudly, people will eventually tune you out. If you never speak up, you will miss an opportunity for influence and a chance to be a catalyst for change. 

Can we figure out the best method, time, and place to use our voice? I think it's absolutely essential if we want to have an impact that lasts.      

Back to School

I always experience a bit of nostalgia this time of year as the school year gets started. It reminds me of my days teaching high school and how much I enjoyed the camaraderie of the staff gathering back together after the long summer. There were always new faces of enthusiastic new teachers ready to change the world as well as the seasoned veterans buckling in for another year of influence and education. We would exchange hugs, handshakes, and slaps on the back as we talked about our summer adventures and learning experiences. There was excitement in the air as we anticipated great things in the coming year with the exhaustion from the end of the previous year temporarily forgotten in the past.

I found myself watching the first faculty meeting of a local high school from a short distance this morning as all of these thoughts rolled through my mind. I was excited for them and the new challenges their students would bring. There will be great triumphs this year for them and also great disappointments. They will have powerful opportunities to shape young lives and open up minds to new possibilities. These educators will have unique moments to provide encouragement and speak positive truth.

My prayer for all of our teachers and staff is that they would remember the value of what they are doing as the invest in this generation. I pray that they would recognize the power of influence and know that success is not always immediately measurable. I pray that they would stay focused on doing what is right even when it is difficult and would maintain their commitment to their calling. I pray that they would strive to understand the stories of their students and know that the issues they see on the surface reflect a complicated and sometimes difficult life. I pray for patience, understanding, and insight that helps when circumstances are difficult.

Their calling is a noble and difficult one and they have my highest respect for their daily efforts and investment. Thank you teachers and staff for your sacrifices and willingness to make a difference in our youth. Your impact is greater and longer lasting than you can imagine.