Freedom to Speak

Yesterday my wife called to let me know we had a water leak at our house. After calling a plumbing friend, we discovered our hot water heater was leaking which was causing a number of different issues underneath the house. We didn't figure this out on our own, but were helped by a friendly meter reader from the water department. When he was checking the meter for our monthly bill he noticed our usage was much higher than normal and came to the door to let us know. Without this assistance there would have been more damage and greater potential problems.

We don't always notice when things are going wrong in our lives. Sometimes we are too close to the problem to notice and fail to look in places where there are issues. Giving someone the freedom to speak truth into our lives can help us identify these troubles and hopefully bring about correction before they get too big.

Who do you trust to gently approach you when there's trouble you may not see? Giving someone this freedom can help head off potential pitfalls before they derail us completely.

Truthfully Speaking

I met with a group of men tonight as we talked about developing community with other guys and how to make that a reality. One of the key characteristics we shared was being able to speak courageously to each other. It was focused on the idea of speaking the truth in love.

I don’t think we have a shortage of voices wanting to speak truth to us. People want to point out what they see wrong and share how we need to make corrections. The problem is that it isn’t always shared in a loving way. It becomes more about someone being right than revealing a genuine concern for our growth and well-being. I don’t think this means we need to sugarcoat things and hold back from speaking words that can help. I do think it means we need to remember that love should be the primary characteristic of our interaction.

Perhaps courageous sharing doesn’t begin with words, but starts with our acts of love. If we are more eager to genuinely care for people, we earn the right to speak tough truths when they are needed. Our mindset changes to reflect true compassion instead of the need to “fix” people and be proven right.

Shaky Ground

I've always enjoyed watching cartoons and am a huge fan of the Bugs Bunny franchise. I've passed that on to my girls as we still periodically enjoy watching those old adventures. When I was a kid I was particularly amazed at the climbing skills of Sylvester the Cat. When his nemesis (and desired dinner) Tweety Bird was in his cage near the ceiling, Sylvester would use whatever was handy to reach him. He would stack furniture, books, mannequins, lamps, and any other household object to get high enough to reach his prey. Predictably, something would happen which would cause Sylvester to come crashing down. While perfect for comedic effect I often wondered why he didn't just find a ladder so he could stand on something stable.

I don't know many people who would be foolish enough to stand on something so poorly physically constructed. I do feel certain I am in a large company of people who have tried to stand firmly on our own shaky emotional and mental ground. We've all taken a strong stance on a poorly formed idea, placed too much emphasis on our own incomplete observations, or treated people differently based on weak assumptions. The problem with these ill-designed foundations is that they quickly fall apart under pressure and injure anyone close by. This type of instability isn't healthy for creating positive relationships and will cause extensive damage.

The solution isn't to create more solid arguments to tear people apart, but to search for the truth with a desire of building unity. Building a firm foundation of genuine care for others means we disregard incomplete, foolish thoughts and take the time to forge real relationships that last.

Making It True

Social scientists call the effects of naming a self-fulfilling prophecy or the Pygmalion effect. When we think something negative or positive about a person, it tends to come true because we alter the context enough to make it come true, or we alter our perception enough to believe it is true.

I believe there can be positive and negative aspects of this. We can choose to speak the positive things we want to be true about ourselves and then work to make it happen. We can also convince ourselves of falsehoods that inhibit our belief in personal growth or fill us with fake confidence which leaves us lacking in moments of true testing.

This is a personal battle zone for me as I have struggled in the past with incorrect self-talk. I’ve discovered the best way to succeed is to remind myself of an unwavering truth and see myself as a son of God. Even though I may continue to battle my own self-fulfilling prophecies, I can be certain of my position as a citizen of the Kingdom of heaven. This truth gives me strength and courage to push through my own boundaries and speak the right words that will help me.

If we do not see ourselves as beloved children of God we will never act like it in moments of temptation, crisis, or growth.

Spoken Together

We are called as Christ-followers to speak the truth in love. The question is whether we are more concerned with voicing what is true or acting in love. I think we can be so eager to share truth and correct people that we forget our motive should always be to model grace.

I’m not devaluing the power of truth. Learning to see God’s true path is essential for all of us. Without the gift of love however, we are offering hollow philosophy—one that seems like a lecture instead of invested community. A deep desire to speak truth without the undercurrent of compassion is focused on being right instead of making a lasting difference.

Do everything with a motivation of love and we’ll be able to genuinely care for people where they are on their spiritual journey.

Helpful Truth

Our perception of current reality is very often defined by our past experiences. While this can be helpful in some circumstances, it doesn't always present the most accurate view. Our past wounds, disappointments, and even victories will color our reactions to our present situation. After a while it can even harden our hearts and solidify our minds to the point that we are unable to see the truth. 

As I thought about people and situations in my life this morning, I found myself asking God for one simple truth: "Help me to see things as they really are." This can be a scary prayer because it means that God will reveal things about me that I may not be aware of. If I really want to help others and be a positive, shaping influence, I need to start here. How can I handle the truth of the world around me if I'm not willing to see the truth about myself first? 

As someone who often mentally makes things worse than they really are, what I need most is to see the absolute truth and that is only available if I open myself up to what God wants me to see. His way is the only real truth and if I want to be an influencer for Him, I need to know what I'm really dealing with. Even if dealing with myself is the first step.

TBH

Grace based recovery ministries often use the phrase "rigorous honesty" to describe an essential element of healing. It's the idea that we have to consciously strive to be honest with ourselves while giving trustworthy people that same access. Rigorous is an accurate descriptor as it will involve hard work that will sometimes push the limits of self-control, discipline, and comfort. 

Part of the reason we are in need of recovery (and we all are) is that we have avoided complete honesty and have lived with easy versions of the truth. Usually this only includes the parts that we are most comfortable hearing instead of the complete story. Until we are willing to fully and consistently face the truth we won't be able to engage in the recovery we desperately desire.

Sure It's True

I was brought up (like many other people in my generation) believing an old wives' tale. It was the fable that you could not go swimming for 30 minutes after eating or you would get cramps and drown. How many children sat by pools, rivers, lakes, and ponds watching the clock and waiting for that time to tick away? How many parents held firmly to that belief because their parents had held them to the same poor standard? It's staggering to think of the millions of hours of lost swim time due to this joy-robbing falsehood.

It makes me wonder how much time we've lost in our lives because we've believed other lies. How often do we hinder our own growth because we feel limited by a restriction someone else has placed on us? What tradition do we blindly accept just because it's been done that way for years? What assumptions are we making about other people that are holding us back from genuine relationships? What obstacles are we afraid to overcome because we have made them bigger than they really are? What lessons have we been taught by well-meaning, but poorly informed people?

Don't just assume that something is true because that's "the way it's always been" or "he/she said it was true." Choosing to base your life decisions on information without checking its veracity can cost you more than lost swim time in the long run.

Mislabeled

You probably wouldn't believe a label reading, "chocolate milk" if it was placed on a gallon of bleach. That kind of ignorance would be foolish. Realistically however, we mislabel many other things and convince ourselves that the improper label is the correct identifier regardless of what we are truly seeing.

• We mislabel divisive conversation as helpful criticism.
  
• We mislabel malignant gossip as prayerful concern.
  
• We mislabel sporadic generosity to ease personal guilt as genuine compassion for others.
  
• We mislabel once-a-week attendance as faithful Christianity.
  
• We mislabel societal dysfunction as the norm because it is widely accepted.
  
• We mislabel lustful glances & adulterous flirting as harmless, friendly interaction.
  
• We mislabel deliberate sinfulness as acceptable because it's "not that bad."

We have two choices: blindly follow poorly labeled practices and let their misnomer fool us into a false sense of what is good or we can recognize what is wrong and make the correction in our own lives first. Just because a label makes us feel better about ourselves doesn't mean it's actually good for us. 

A candy coated poison pill tastes better going down, but it will still kill you.

Get Ready

I just returned from another powerful week in Tennessee at the CIY Move conference for high school youth. I was honored to be the campus pastor this week which gave me an opportunity to invest in the lives of the adults that traveled with their high school youth. I had several adults admit to me that while they knew the conference was specifically intended to reach high schoolers, they were also deeply impacted.

Obviously, I wasn't surprised by this shared revelation. I would always tell our high school youth partners three things before we would head off to this conference:

1. Suspend your disbelief. Trust that everything we do will support the main point even if it may seem silly. If we (as adults) will engage in what's going on without being dubious our youth will do the same.

2. This event isn't for you. Please keep any negative talk away from our teens and preferably don't engage in it at all. If there is a legitimate issue please bring it to me so we can make it right.

3. Be ready for what God will do in all of us. Even though this event isn't for you, you will be impacted if you are open to it.

When we are willing to boldly share God's message our intended audience will not be the only ones affected. The message of surrendering your life and being transformed by the Holy Spirit is applicable to all ages. In fact, we will find nuggets of powerful truth in everything around us if we are willing to pay attention and do something with it once we receive it.

Bigger Picture

I keep feeling that there is something more than what I see and experience. Even the simple pleasures of family, friends, and faith have a deeper component to them that brings me great joy when I catch a glimpse. It's hard for me to fully describe, but it's a taste of the bigger picture God is painting for us. It's the touch of deep love, the urging to be part of social justice movements, the upwelling of deep emotion in worship, and an innate desire to make a substantial difference in another's life. It's a deep current of meaning that runs underneath everything we do, think, and feel. 

I sense it more in some times than others. I believe it's always there, but my grasp of it fades as I get distracted. Most of us recognize there is more to this life than we see, but we end up ignoring it over time. Do we stop believing in this mystery because we don't understand it? Do we lose touch with it because we don't want to see God working in every part of our life? 

Our life is less than fulfilled when we ignore the hidden beauty God is trying to show us. The deeper themes are there for us to tap into if we are willing to see what He is doing.

Left Behind

I have vivid memories of being chosen last as an elementary kid in all team sports. I was a geeky, poorly dressed, nonathletic child who didn't stumble into athleticism until I was older. I don't know that anyone was being intentionally cruel, but it is still unpleasant when you are the one the last team is stuck with. It quickly diminishes your self-esteem and deflates your enthusiasm for being involved.

Much like many other childhood experiences,  the effects of this can be noticed in adulthood. The damaged perceptions from seemingly innocuous events will carry over into the rest of life even if we don't recognize the root of the damage. The effects of my own experiences could steer me in one of two disastrous directions: resigning myself to being left out and falsely believing that I am a person without value or worth or working so hard to overcome this that my personality becomes a huge monster that damages anyone in the vicinity. Sadly, through my own choices I've seen both of these in action. The good news is that God's version of our story doesn't end here.

I am ridiculously grateful that when God redeems and restores us it's not just from our own sinful choices, but also from our brokenness. He is ready to overcome emotional scarring and let us see the great value we have in His eyes. God didn't "settle" for us, but chose us first. There was no obligation on His part, but only genuine love for His creation. Grasping that truth is enough to overcome any event in our past. Repeat this mantra of healing often and allow it to rewrite God's promises over the story of our broken woundedness.

Search Engine

When we've lost something our natural instinct is to look for it until we find it or become so frustrated that we give up. Our urgency in searching is fueled by our need to locate the object, our indomitable will, and the
value we attach to what we seek. If your child lost a quarter in a pile of leaves you would not expend inordinate effort in trying to find that exact quarter. However, if you misplace a family heirloom in the attic you would lose sleep until you were able to find it again. The urgency with which we seek a lost item is directly proportionate to the value we place on it.

We don't only search for lost personal items, but also for abstract things like truth, validation, purpose, healing, and restoration. These are usually more difficult to find and require greater persistence in our efforts which reveals their personal importance. If it really matters to us then we won't give up easily.

Do you know what matters to you? What answers are you willing to diligently search for? What solutions for your family and your future are you investing in? What spiritual truths do you need to discover? How can you find personal and relationship healing from past brokenness?

These are all things that are worth the investment of energy and attention to find. Don't give up before you do.

The Whole Truth

Recent circumstances have reaffirmed to me the need for absolute truth. This is easy to agree to in principle, but the practical application leads to a radical shift in our personal culture. We have to unlearn false things that have been a key part of the foundation of our lives to this point. Sometimes we have to earnestly investigate what we feel and be willing to undergo a radical transformation of our entire belief system. We need to humble ourselves enough to let someone speak words of truth into and over our lives. This will not usually be a painless process, but the blessing of living under the freedom of God's truth is worth the difficult process of breaking the oppressive chains of lies.

Ugly Duckling

When you only hear the negative things that people say you start to believe that is who you are. As an adult it becomes further validation of the ugly things that were part of your childhood from family, bullies, schools, and friends. You begin to believe you can never be good enough, that you were a mistake, that you'll never measure up to (fill-in-the-blank). Your weaknesses become the things that people are quick to point out instead of your positive potential. Your past actions & attitudes threaten to overwhelm your personal estimation of worth. We fall victim to the lie of defining ourselves by what we have done and what has been done to us.

This is heavy stuff. It can derail the momentum of a changed life when we refuse to believe that we have value simply because we are sons & daughters of the King. The truth is that our past (and sometimes our present) is ugly. We don't need to run away from that truth. We find hope when we realize that God is in the business of transforming our ugliness into beauty. In fact, it's what He specializes in. His power over our sinful circumstances and His willingness to reach into the mess of who we are is what makes Him a Father like no other. He sees the inner potential of His creation and is able to compassionately complete our transformation. 

He makes beautiful things out of us. Thank you, Abba.

Nothing But the Truth

We live in a world that is fascinated with lies. Covering up physical blemishes, inflating personal accomplishments, dishonesty in relationships, shifting blame to other people & circumstances, and false advertising are only some of the lies that we allow to infiltrate and rule our lives.

Is it that we don't want truth or that we are afraid of what the truth might be? In relationships it can be messy to work with the truth, so many people ignore it for the sake of "comfort" not realizing that it leads to destruction. We believe the lies of "it's not that bad" and "at least I'm not doing what he/she is doing" instead of realizing that any sin obstructs our view of God. We have managed to look in the mirror at our broken lives and yet convince ourselves that everything will be fine-as if it will just magically get better one day without changing anything.

The truth can be painful, but it is the only option for real life. It is exclusive and leaves no room for any falsehood-no matter how big or small.

Jesus is The Truth. He shines a light so bright that the darkness of deceit doesn't stand a chance. He is ready to speak a reality into us that will set us free from the traps of our past and those that satan has set for our future. It is time for our circumstances, addictions, and sin to be exposed for the flimsy substitutes of grace that they truly are. It is the only way that a full life here in God's Kingdom can be lived.