Truthfully Speaking

I met with a group of men tonight as we talked about developing community with other guys and how to make that a reality. One of the key characteristics we shared was being able to speak courageously to each other. It was focused on the idea of speaking the truth in love.

I don’t think we have a shortage of voices wanting to speak truth to us. People want to point out what they see wrong and share how we need to make corrections. The problem is that it isn’t always shared in a loving way. It becomes more about someone being right than revealing a genuine concern for our growth and well-being. I don’t think this means we need to sugarcoat things and hold back from speaking words that can help. I do think it means we need to remember that love should be the primary characteristic of our interaction.

Perhaps courageous sharing doesn’t begin with words, but starts with our acts of love. If we are more eager to genuinely care for people, we earn the right to speak tough truths when they are needed. Our mindset changes to reflect true compassion instead of the need to “fix” people and be proven right.

Set It

We just finished up our Wednesday night services at the church and cleaned up our tables and chairs from our meal. We have racks that are used to hold the chairs which make it much easier to store them. There is only one way that the chairs fit on the rack, however, and if they aren't put on there correctly they will fall over. When working with our volunteers to clean up I've discovered that the key to success is to set the first chair on the rack so others can see how it should be done. Once the first chair is set, there aren't many questions about how it should happen.

What example am I setting in other areas of my life? How am I setting "the first chair" for my children so that they see how a God-honoring life should be lived? What example am I setting for my friends in the choices I make in my life? What steps am I modeling for other believers as a pastor? What leadership beginnings am I developing so other leaders can take over?

We've got to carefully evaluate the model we are establishing through our choices. There are other people watching and following whether we recognize it or not.

Drowning

We hosted a community camp in partnership with another local church a couple of years ago. One of the biggest areas of excitement for our campers was the large swimming pool. They were all talking excitedly about it as we pulled up and they obviously couldn't wait to hit the water (in fact, we scheduled 6 different swim times over 3 1/2 days for them.)

After the obligatory safety speech and brief swim test our campers were released to go full speed. What we witnessed next was an interesting phenomenon. In the course of seven minutes the lifeguard pulled three different swimmers out of the deep end of the pool. Each camper had passed their swim test, jumped off the diving board into the deep end of the pool, and subsequently swam like a rock. It didn't take long for us to narrow the list of "deep end" swimmers to very few.

While each of our campers was fine (thanks to the quick reaction of lifeguard & staff) I was left wondering how this could have happened so quickly. My only thought was that they had severely overestimated their ability to swim and ended up needing rescue once they were in over their heads.

I suppose that's not vastly different than moments in my own life when I have overestimated my own abilities (and I would wager that I'm not alone in this either.) How do we end up here? Sometimes it's a matter of personal pride that clouds our perspective. On other occasions perhaps it's a reflection of our undeveloped natural gifting-an ability to do something without refining the skills necessary to succeed. Much like swimming, I then find that I am in over my head and unable to catch my breath. Thank goodness I have had solid mentors and caring people who have rescued me and taught me how to survive.

Generational Influence

After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the LORD nor what he had done for Israel. Judges 2:10 

It can be too easy to blame the current generation for their poor choices. We can sit back and shake our heads at the decline of morality and the apparent lack of old-school values. Unfortunately, it's not entirely accurate to point fingers of accusation at the present generation without admitting our own faults. Where is our level of blame?

• Have we taken the time to engage in dialogue about values so that they can be passed on?
  
• Are we sharing stories of victory in trials and how we managed to make it through?
  
• Are we also sharing stories of defeat and the lessons that we learned?
  
• Are we engaging this generation in a way that respects their passion & abilities while giving them a chance to contribute to the overall story?
  
• Do we recognize the need to be loving, patient mentors--not for our own sake, but for the purpose of helping someone mature and fulfill their potential?
  
• Do we understand that this has to be a journey together? It should be a shared investment of respect and unconditional love for it to truly benefit both people.

Leaders, churches, and families can't sit back and complain about the upcoming generation without realizing our responsibility to help raise them the right way. If we aren't willing to be part of the solution then we're just perpetuating the problem.

Teachable Moments

You can't expect what hasn't been taught. 

I use this phrase quite often when people put expectations on others who don't know any better. It is a challenging statement meant to remind us that there is often a genuine lack of knowledge in our population. It isn't always an indication of complete ignorance, but instead highlights a need for education. It is a challenge to those with experience and maturity to invest in the people who are desperate for direction. There is an obvious spiritual element to this, but it also spills over into all areas of life. Instead of ranting about the problems we see this should motivate us to be part of the solution. Christian married couples should find a younger couple to mentor, older husbands & fathers should look for younger men to invest in, mature women should seek out women in need of direction and support, and experienced leaders should discover inexperienced leaders to develop. Educating others with grace, patience, and compassion should be a common calling of a Christ follower. A transformed community is best accomplished through the power of mutual investment, shared stories, and dedicated concern for others.

If we aren't willing to be part of the solution and share the life lessons we have painstakingly learned, then we forfeit the right to complain about the problem.

Difference Makers

Tonight a group of men from Vaughn Chapel and Northridge Christian Church met to chat & chew. While we enjoyed conversation with each other and a good steak dinner, we gathered for a greater purpose. We were all concerned with the state of our community and the role of men in leadership and want to be part of the solution. It won't be fixed overnight, but it can begin with a group of dedicated, godly men who are willing to prayerfully invest in the generations around us. It's a risky move that requires dedicated time, effort, and spiritual energy to find success. It's almost guaranteed that it won't be easy, but if we won't step up to do something about it nothing will ever change for the better. 

All of us recognize the need for men to step up and lead in our families, in schools, and in industry. We also see the lack of man-to-man mentoring, but realize what an incredible opportunity that gives us.

Give & Take

In the Old Testament, a man named Joshua served at Moses' right hand for years. He studied at the side of a great man, observed his devotion to God, fought when it was necessary, and devoted himself to prayer. When Moses passed away Joshua became the new leader of the Israelites and led them into the Promised Land. Their example brings to mind two questions that all leaders need to answer:

1. Who is our Moses?

2. Who is our Joshua?

There isn't a leader that has "arrived" at the point of not needing a mentor and guide to invest in them. As I am fond of saying, "If you're still here, you ain't done yet!" The second question is equally as important as genuine Christian leaders realize the importance of equipping the next generation. We have a deep responsibility to submit to investment and accountability while we pour ourselves out into others. To do one without the other creates an egotistical, spiritually dehydrated leader that won't last and certainly won't leave a legacy.

Sharing the Moments

I attended another graduation tonight and thoroughly enjoyed the entire commencement. It was particularly special to me to see some of these young people walk across the stage. This class has several people that I have invested in over the last 3 1/2 years. We have been through tough stages of life, counseled through
heartbreak, shared cups of coffee, and served in the mission field together. It was a deep pleasure to hug each of them and tell them how proud I am of their accomplishments.

This is one of the main reasons I loved teaching and why I enjoy ministry. It's found in the life-to-life moments we share that build camaraderie and a depth of relationship that is carved out of good & bad times together. These relationships (some of them developed over the last 20 years) bring me deep joy & satisfaction and serve as an impetus to seek out more of the same.

Take a Step Back

For sale: home with backyard pool.

 Our perspective has a substantial influence on our actions. When we view things as better than they actually are we can neglect to address potential problems under the guise of "everything's fine." If we take the pessimistic viewpoint, we downplay the positive aspects of our life and miss out potential opportunities. It is a life skill that is developed through our personal history and people interactions. Sadly, most people don't realize it and never shift their view.

For sale: home with backyard pool.

Taking a step back to gain a healthy viewpoint on our lives will help us eliminate poor choices caused by inaccurate vision. It's a learning process that is shaped by constructive mentoring and a willingness to change our approach to life situations. It certainly isn't always easy, but it's necessary for an accurate assessment and subsequent correct actions.

Deceived

I don't devotedly watch any reality talent show, but I do enjoy watching clips of them online. One of my secret pleasures is to watch the auditions and see the unexpected talents that arise. I will also admit to watching to see the train wrecks--the people who truly shouldn't sing in public (or perhaps even in private.) I feel badly for them not just because of their lack of talent, but because they have deceived themselves into thinking they have a shot. It's a strong testimony on the power of self-deception. It makes me wonder where the people are in their lives who should be speaking the truth (in love) to them.

Self-deception is a dangerous trap that any of can fall into. It can affect our marriages, friendships, family life, careers, and even damage our integrity. Exposing ourselves to the truth through genuine accountability and life-to-life mentoring will help us avoid the potentially damaging effects that we can impose on ourselves. Growth takes a willingness on our part to hear the unpleasant truth and the humility to make changes.

Pour It Out

Our staff attended the Drive Conference at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, GA this past week. We were incredibly blessed by all of their staff and volunteers and their willingness to share for the sake of God's Church continuing to grow. This mutual investment is part of their organizational culture and was evident in every area we went. I heard a fantastic analogy about this from one of their leaders while we there: North Point has had their "cup" filled by God with creativity & vision and they feel it it their job to pour that out into whoever is willing to bring a cup and ask.

I think that should be part of the culture of all of our churches and on a bigger scale as part of our life philosophy. This creates an intentional life-to-life mentoring that develops our community. It involves men, women, teens, couples, families, life groups, and churches. It returns us to the idea that we should be working together to provide the best possible outcomes & puts it into practice by willingly and lovingly investing in the people around us.

Life to Life

One of my goals for 2013 is to spend more time investing & sharing in the lives of other people. The demands of ministry can make it easy to spend most of my time in my office writing and studying. My intellect is stimulated by reading and writing, but it leaves part of my personality lacking. There is a part of me that finds completion in mentoring and sharing life with peers and I feel it gets lost too often in the shuffle.

When I was in ministry in Florida, I had struck a better balance between the quiet, studious part of my gifting and the outgoing, people-driven portion. It usually ended up with me visiting one of our local Starbucks for extended periods of time (which is positive in many ways.) I'm still working to maintain that balance here, but have started to schedule more time outside the church walls. It's not just important to me for my own goals, but is a reflection of what ministry is really supposed to value. It reflects my commitment to investing in the lives of the people I've been blessed to share life with.

Side by Side

I am meeting once a month with five guys as we share life together and work to sharpen each other into better leaders. We read through a book and talk about how to put principles into practice to improve our marriages, parent our children with purpose, and develop into godly leaders in our work & the church.

Our schedules have been pretty packed this month so we were running behind when we met this morning. The morning didn't exactly flow as planned as we arrived at the church to discover a major water leak. We spent 30 minutes trying to shut off the valve and then another 30 minutes contacting someone to fix it. We never did get around to discussing the book (and rescheduled to meet next week to do so) but were able to share how life has been going for each of us lately. One of our guys spoke the truth we all were thinking--it was just good to have our group together to encourage each other even if we didn't hit our intended purpose.

It's further validation for me that life isn't meant to be lived alone. There is something uniquely powerful about men sharing life together and pushing each other to succeed as godly leaders. I'm grateful for the guys God has placed in my life and the opportunities we have to help each other on this journey.

Never Alone

God said in the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone. That doesn't mean that we settle for anyone in a relationship or sacrifice our standards. It is an encouragement to do life with other people in a healthy way that pushes us, holds us up when it's necessary, and celebrates the victories of life.

If we bother to look around we will see people who are struggling with their life decisions and their current status, but are either too proud to ask for help or don't believe their plea would be answered positively. I am reminded far too often (usually as a result of counseling sessions) that we need to be focused on mentoring & investing in the people around us. It is a life value to intentionally invest in the lives of people we come in contact with. It requires individual humility to seek out this counsel and to also recognize that your experience doesn't make you an expert, but instead someone who can now offer what God has shown you.

There is a desperate need for older married couples to take a younger couple under their wings and do life with them. We need godly men to willingly step up for younger men & boys and journey towards manhood together. There is a paucity of positive female mentorship & leadership that can only be filled by women striving to see each subsequent generation changed for the better.

We lament the downfall of society and the change in "this generation." Instead of incessantly ranting about the lack of moral leadership, why don't we get out of our spiritual Barcaloungers, take a stand for other people, and commit what breath we have left to making a difference in those that need it.

Flowing Water

All of our relationships are fluid-some more than others. They can change as people's moods are affected, as life circumstances fluctuate, and as a reaction to what is said and done to us. As they change we have to continually work at maintaining and developing them. While there are certain aspects of them that may remain static, we generally must invest in them and make adaptations to see them thrive.

I've recently been meditating on the concept of relationships and how we make a personal impact on those around us. For us to have healthy interactions we have to ask a probing, personal question: "Am I adding benefit to the people in my life?" This can be a difficult question to answer and not just because we aren't sure how to quantify the response. It requires taking a step back and asking God to reveal the truth of how we treat our spouses, children, friends, co-workers, fellow Christ-followers, and community. We may not like the answer we receive in return, but hopefully the truth will reveal areas in which we can improve.

I liken relationships to flowing water because of the change and adaptability it takes to make them godly and successful. It also presents us with two options in how we will impact those around us. We will either be a fountain that provides refreshment, energy, and revitalization or we will be a drain that focuses only on stealing vitality, desire, and trust.

The Kingdom

It has been a powerful week at CIY Move for me, but in a completely different way than ever before.

Now that I am no longer working directly in youth ministry, I came to the Move conference without leading any youth. I was here as the campus pastor for the week with the responsibility of ministering to the adult leaders. My entire thought process and spiritual emphasis wasn't based on the group of teens that I was with. It was about finding opportunities to engage adults in conversation, to bring them encouragement, to share resources and let them know how valued they are.

I had many thoughts coming into the week, but can say that it surpassed all that I had imagined. My soul felt alive as I was able to be thoroughly consumed with the ministry of serving other Kingdom workers. I could feel the Holy Spirit guiding conversations and providing a level of trust that should not have been accomplished in such a short span of time. I was able to talk with several leaders through shared experiences of woundedness and hopefully help to bring some healing. The entire week felt as if I was serving and ministering right in the middle of my spiritual gifting and it was an incredible blessing.

I am grateful for a wife and children that supportively understand my calling and are willing to endure such time away. I am also grateful for a church leadership that values the investment we are making in God's Kingdom-even if we don't ever see any direct earthly benefit.

I am eagerly anticipating the blessing God is going to bring to His Church as we all continue to invest in the Kingdom.