Truthfully Speaking

I met with a group of men tonight as we talked about developing community with other guys and how to make that a reality. One of the key characteristics we shared was being able to speak courageously to each other. It was focused on the idea of speaking the truth in love.

I don’t think we have a shortage of voices wanting to speak truth to us. People want to point out what they see wrong and share how we need to make corrections. The problem is that it isn’t always shared in a loving way. It becomes more about someone being right than revealing a genuine concern for our growth and well-being. I don’t think this means we need to sugarcoat things and hold back from speaking words that can help. I do think it means we need to remember that love should be the primary characteristic of our interaction.

Perhaps courageous sharing doesn’t begin with words, but starts with our acts of love. If we are more eager to genuinely care for people, we earn the right to speak tough truths when they are needed. Our mindset changes to reflect true compassion instead of the need to “fix” people and be proven right.

Warrior Mentality

We kicked off our 3rd annual "Man Month" with guest speaker David Rocker joining us once again. David is a passionate Christian man who inspires others through his preaching, but even more so through his lifestyle. We started a series entitled, "Warrior: Learning to Fight For What Matters" with his message from Joshua today. David shared many great things (the entire message can be found on our website); here are a few highlights from this morning.

• You can't change your past: don't let it dictate your future. 
• Don't give your past more authority than it deserves.
• If you're going through something tough at least you're moving. Keep going and don't give up. 
• We (men) are wired for boldness and aggression and need to use it in the right way for the Kingdom. 
• What is God declaring to be yours? You won't get it unless you're willing to fight for it!
• Sometimes it only takes a couple of men to stand for what is right and make a difference. 
• Joshua was a general and a servant. He knew how to have authority and be under authority. 
• To be an effective warrior we need to be secure in who we are. 
• Warriors see the solution at the end not just the problem at the beginning. 
• You are too close to your breakthrough to quit!
• At some point the end will come. God has promised a due season.
• How can we be successful if we don't study our playbook? Don't assume your talent will be enough to bring success. 
• Stop talking about it and start being about it.

(Trying To) Wave the Flag

Each month on the last Saturday our church invites men to get together for breakfast and a chance to grow. There are no strings attached as it is simply a place to be part of community, hear a teaching intended to help men mature, and engage in conversation around a table. I always tell guys if they get nothing else from the experience at least they will eat a great meal for $2.

This morning we talked about the tough topic of surrender and how we are called to live a life that is increasingly surrendered to the call of Christ. This is admittedly not easy for most people, but part of the nature of men can make it even more difficult. Our stubbornness can inhibit our willingness to submit to God's authority. Our pride can build up enough resistance and prevent us from choosing God's path even if it's clearly the better option. Surrender is not a one time decision either, but must be a consistent part of our journey of faith.

I will admit my own struggles with the practice of surrender. I recognize that God's way is more perfect than mine and yet still have difficulties with following Him completely. I won't always get it right (who ever does?) but hope that my continual awareness and intention of surrender will lead me right where I need to be. As I decrease my level of control in my life, He must increase. It's the only way I can be assured of ending up where I belong.

The Root of a Problem

It doesn't take a rocket (or social) scientist to figure out some basic sociological truths. They can be determined simply by paying attention to the condition of the community around us. One of those truths has been expressed very well by other people (Dr. Tony Evans being one of them) as he shares a simple equation for societal ills.

When men are dysfunctional as leaders, our families are dysfunctional. When our families are dysfunctional, our churches are dysfunctional. When our churches are dysfunctional, our communities are dysfunctional. When our communities are dysfunctional, our nation is dysfunctional. When our nation is dysfunctional, our world is dysfunctional.

It might sound like a lot of blame to place on men however the ills of a society can't be attributed to crowds, but individuals. The good news is that the converse of the progression above is also true. If men are willing to develop and be mentored into healthy leaders the rest of that dynamic will also be healthy. It's the hope we have for continuing to invest in the lives of men and a desire to see our communities changed one life at a time.

Power Up

We are desperate for a revolution in our men. We want to empower men to lead with the authority given by God and to guide our families and community towards Him. The solution to so many of our problems is to focus the men of our community on Christ and His deep desire to transform us. We need to "power up" our men to be ready to lead.

I know that this is the answer and I will readily admit that we are not entirely sure of how to make that a reality in our community. We believe so much in this necessity, however, that I have asked our leadership team to enter into a time of prayer and meditation. We are gathering in unity to pray over a specific list for the next three weeks as we ask God to give us a vision for what is next. Any strong movement of God must begin with prayer. 

What do you need to be praying for today? What preparation are you asking God to do in you in anticipation of revealed vision? We will only find a moderate level of success when we operate on our strength alone. Preparing the way spiritually as we seek God's wisdom will allow God to work in us before He works through us.

Looking for Direction

It's a fairly stereotypical (and often accurate) assessment of men that we don't follow directions. We either assume that we can figure out how to assemble something on our own or that if we just keep driving we'll eventually find what we are looking for. I have made mistakes in a number of different areas that reflect the truth of that argument. I think part of it is stubbornness and often a miscalculated level of trust in my own abilities. Over time I have learned how much easier the process is if I will just look at the information that's available before I undertake a project.

The same principle holds true for discovering how to be a real man. Most of us end up forging ahead based only on our life experiences and family influences and hoping we'll figure it out along the way. While this may provide some foundational pieces that will help us, they don't fully equip us to determine the next best steps in all of our current relationships. At some point we will need to seek out the directions that God has for us--the ones that will help us navigate the treacherous pathways of life. When we try to just figure it out on our own is when we run into trouble. It takes positive encouragement from other men and a healthy dose of humility to admit we don't know what to do next and that we need help.

While some might view this as the ultimate sign of weakness, I actually believe it reveals powerful humility and wisdom. We can't begin to find the correct next steps until we admit we need help finding them.

The Next Step

I had the opportunity to take a group of our leaders to the Pivot men's conference at Savannah Christian Church this week. We were looking forward to a time of bonding and being challenged as men and we were not disappointed. The experiences were powerful and the speakers all had their "A-game" on. I took pages of notes and wrote several question for myself to answer later as thoughts and encouragement flowed over me from the godly men on the platform.

Honestly, I didn't expect any less than what I was blessed to receive. I anticipated powerful moments and thoughts that would stretch me and I was pleased to be correct. The unknown factor in this moment for me and others is what we will do with our experience. We have returned home and are fired up about the potential of seeing God work in new and mighty ways in the men in our community. We now have to prayerfully translate that inspiration into action if we want to see a new movement take place here. It's time to take what we have received and step into action.

I don't know exactly what that will look like, but I'm ready to move forward. Partnering a passion for change with a willingness to execute is the only way we'll get anything done.

Not Traveling Alone

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I have arrived where I am today. I used to say that I was a self-made man, one who had endured tough trials and managed to find success because of my personal drive and will. In retrospect, (and after having several helpings of humble pie) I gladly recognize that there is no way that could be a possibility if I am willing to be honest. If my current status was just the result of my personal supply of willpower, ambition, and focus, I would be very limited in my personal development and overall health. Instead, I am grateful to acknowledge the direct and indirect contribution of thousands of people to my journey.

I see the impact of the lives that God brought around me and continues to use to shape me into a better man than I could ever be alone. It's a powerful reminder that God cares far too much for me to let me ruin my life with my own decisions, but instead works faithfully to direct my steps down a path that leads to me being a God-focused man. It reinforces the simple truth that Pastor Patrick Morley shares in his books: "Because God is good, your life will not turn out like you planned." I'm forever grateful that God didn't abandon me to my own decision-making and poorly guided plan of life. I know that I am far from being complete, but I have greater confidence in this path from Him than I do in my ability to forge an independent life journey.

God Built

Patrick Morley continues to work to impact men for the cause of Christ and to equip them to lead as godly men. His latest book, How God Makes Men, furthers that work in a practical, Biblical fashion. Morley begins his book with the simple, yet difficult to grasp principle that following Christ is harder than it looks and will take longer than expected. The journey of developing into a godly man is not finished overnight, but requires diligent faithfulness in what God is doing and the process that He is guiding men through.

Patrick uses the example of ten flawed men from the Bible to illustrate specific principles of godly development. His intent is to help men become faithful leaders in family, ministry, community, and industry. Each chapter details the journey of faith of Biblical men along with the developmental principle used by God. Morley doesn't just give a history lesson, but makes this principle applicable in a real-world way for present day men. The various states of imperfection of the Biblical examples only makes it more tangible for our circumstances today.

As a pastor that works to connect men to the church, I see the incredible value in this book. Patrick continues to write in a way that speaks to the heart of men and our desire to lead effectively in all aspects of our life. While he is challenging in his approach he is also conscientious of our need to rely on God to make this a reality. The principles reflect common predicaments with God-driven solutions that will strengthen & refine our character. The book is set up well to be used as an independent study or in a small group setting. I see how it will fit well with our plans for developing men as leaders and can be used in a variety of environments.

Courageous

One of the greatest things the enemy has done to men is to convince them that they are alone. We 

have believed the lie that no one has it as bad as we do and that no one has done the things we have. We have accepted the fallacy that our failures are unique and everyone has it together more than we do. The whispering voice of the enemy tells us that it's best for us to just keep trudging along and if we get ambitious to aim for "good enough" but no higher than that. It's time that we recognized these falsehoods and started seeking truth.

We are not meant to travel this journey alone. We were created with the need for other people and we  are healthier when we give others the right to speak God's truth into our lives. There is no new sin under the sun, God's best is still greater than the worst thing we have done, and His grace and mercy outweigh all of our sin. Don't settle for mediocrity, but pursue excellence in our own spiritual devotion, in our calling, and in our families.

These truths destroy the excuses and lies of our enemy and empower men to boldly lead our families, communities, and churches. It's time for us to be strong, courageous men of influence the way God has called us to lead.

King Me

We wrapped up our series for men, "Man Up" this morning at Northridge by challenging men to be kings. It should be the one of the final stages of being a godly man and yet it is often abused. Being a king isn't about being in authority over others and demanding elite rights & privileges. Genuine godly leadership is focused on providing benefit to the people that we have been entrusted to guide. An attitude of servant leadership best defines the way a king should lead and yet it rarely does in today's model. It's difficult for us as we battle our own selfish ambitions, the examples (both good & bad) that influence us, and the cultural call to succeed at all costs. 

It's an interesting paradox in which we see that a successful leader isn't the all-powerful, commanding, dynamo that causes people to fall at their feet. A respected leader will instead be marked by their willingness to submit to their followers and will work tirelessly for the greatest good for the people they lead. It's the way that the upside-down leadership model of the Kingdom of God has always operated.

Completely Content

I had a revelation while sitting in Starbucks this morning. My mind has been focused on ministering to men lately-how to develop community, how to empower them to lead, and to lead men to Christ. As I was reading I came across the phrase, "completely content." I immediately thought to myself--the lack of contentment is the root of the sin of man. It's why men are trapped in lust-filled fantasies through porn addictions, why we abandon our families in the name of furthering our careers, why we pour resources into maintaining appearances, and why we allow infidelity to destroy our relationships.

Complete contentment is only found in Christ. I know this to be true and yet struggle with the concept just the same. I'm always looking for what is next, how to grow more, and to find another level. There is nothing inherently wrong with that attitude as long as it based in Christ's development of us. Finding satisfaction in the grace of Christ and in the work of the Holy Spirit in us will be what enables us to be truly great men of God.

Brotherhood

We had our first Man2Man event at Northridge tonight and were pumped to see 93 guys come out on a Saturday night. We had great hamburgers and spent time with David Rocker-current head football coach at We have to work to provide opportunities for men to develop a brotherhood together.
Point University, former All-American at Auburn and NFL player. Coach Rocker shared several things that challenged us and caused me to think about the role of men in our community and how to bring them together. He made a powerful point about his playing days as he shared that the part he misses the most is the camaraderie with the guys in the locker room. As I thought about my own life I agreed with his assessment. It's not always the experience that we miss, but the people we shared it with that matter most. This speaks directly to our innate need for community and will help guide us as we continue to work to reach guys in our area.

Man Alive

In his book, Man Alive, Patrick Morley speaks to the heart of men who are looking for validation and inspiration as they pursue a deeper purpose in their life. His commitment to men's ministry is evident in his body of work, but never has it been more evident than in his most recent book, Man Alive. He writes with the wisdom of his years of experience in men's ministry, but admits his own vulnerability as well. He is able to accurately pinpoint the root causes of the struggles men face and identify the life changes that need to take place to address them.

In his opening chapter, Morley accurately identifies the shortfall that all men are facing: the lack of transformation through the power of God's Word. His assessment of a man's desire to be a powerful leader is correct as is his assertion that we fail when we neglect to pursue it through God's means. This lack of spiritual connection is the fundamental flaw in the development of our character and leads to dysfunctional relationships as a spouse, parent, friend, and industry leader.

I have always been a fan of Patrick Morley's writing and the ministry he leads for men. Even though I have enjoyed his other books, I firmly believe this is his best work to date. I accredit most of this to his years of ministry experience and his careful analysis of the psyche of men who are searching for purpose. I highly recommend this book for any man and even for Christian wives seeking to help their husbands improve their relationship. I am adding this book to the reading list for my men's group and look forward to re-reading it in the near future.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.