Banding Together

I meet good friends for coffee on Tuesday & Thursday mornings as our local Starbucks opens. We talk about our shared passion for running, our families, common difficulties, and our hopes of being better men. There isn’t usually an agenda, but just time set aside to enjoy coffee and good company.

I need this friendship and the safety of easy communication and complete transparency. My wife is my best friend, but the closeness of a like-minded brother is incredibly important to me as well. It’s not something I’ve always fully appreciated, but I now recognize how valuable this community is to me. As a man I didn't always create space for that to happen, but would try to get by on my own strength and wisdom. The benefit of age (and a touch of maturity) is that I can see how this closeness helps me to develop strength and be encouraged to keep growing.

I can make the journey through life without strong male friends, but it’s much more rewarding and fulfilling to have a few close friends to be part of it along the way.

Stepping Up

What do you do when you see a need? Are you willing to step into action even if it completely changes your life? What would happen if men stepped up to lead in sacrificial ways that changed the destiny of another person? You might be the radical solution to another person's problem and see your life and theirs changed forever.

Manly Focus

The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom and his tongue speaks what is just. 

The law of God is in his heart; his feet do not slip. Psalm 37:30-31

These verses describe the man that I want to become. It speaks well of the character of a godly man that is intent on following God's design for his life. It reminds me to use my words in the best way possible without inflicting harm while dealing with difficult situations when needed. These verses remind me that unless I am firmly rooted in God's truth, I am liable to fall from grace and damage people around me. I am only able to stand securely when I do so through the strength of God's great word and His faithful promises to me.

I have committed these verses to memory so that I can constantly review them throughout the day and gauge my focus and progress. If I am unwilling to reevaluate my growth, then it's obvious that I'm not truly interested in transformation. I dream of a community where the men would commit themselves to the power contained in these two verses. Imagine the incredible difference we could make if these became our driving force for leading in our families, the church, and in our community.

Surrender to Win

I am still processing all that I want to accomplish and how I want to grow in 2014. I know that there are others in this same position of seeking positive change & establishing new habits. I am also woefully aware of my past failings in this arena and want to make sure that I don't fall short again this year. As I meditate on what I hope to see take place, I realize that my best chance of success actually comes from my willingness to surrender. I don't mean that I should give up, but that I should surrender myself to God's will, direction, and power. It's in my desire to cede control to Him that I can truly be able to find the consistent success that I am searching for. This doesn't mean that I will sit back and do nothing to work towards my objectives, but that it will be fueled by the Perfect One who never changes.

I offer this simple prayer below as a help to me (and others) in an effort to surrender:

Lord Jesus, I need You in my life now more than I ever have. I have very little joy, peace, and passion in my life. I confess that I have been trying to have the best of both worlds, that I have been double minded, and that I have been seeking the God I have wanted and not the God who is. I am so sorry, and I repent. Please forgive me. Thank You for loving me so much that You would die for all my sins so that I can have eternal life. Make me into the kind of man I've been striving to be. Make me into the man I know that I can be with the power of Your Holy Spirit. Create the change in me that needs to take place so that I can commit my life completely to You. I pray this in Your name, Jesus, and for Your glory. Amen.*

*This prayer is adapted from Patrick Morley's book, How God Makes Men. 

Wanting More

I long for more--not just material things, but a life that is greater than what I am currently living. This is a reflection of the fact that I am not meant for this world, but that I am intended to think of eternity and the spiritual side of my nature. I also recognize that this is a characteristic of a visionary leader who wants his life to be a catalyst for transformation and growth.

This passion for increase is a key part of my dreams for all parts of my life. I want to increase my impact on my children and help shape their future while guiding them to make better decisions. I want to be a better man that influences other men and inspires people to pursue God's deliverance and hope for their lives. I want to lead a church that is so vital to the health of the overall community that society wouldn't be the same if that church no longer existed. I aspire to this as a natural part of who I am, but also from the impact of other godly role models.

The influence of other visionary men inspires me to rise above my own circumstances and be more than I think is possible. Their life example leads me to not settle for the cliche patterns of typical manhood that are easy to fall into. These great men encourage me to not let my base emotions and desires drive me, but to aspire to a stable, Spirit-guided state. It brings me to dream of the possibility of great things and then work to see them become a reality. 

This passion for more can be the driving force that leads men to seek a grander vision and fulfill the calling this brings on our lives.

Side by Side

I am meeting once a month with five guys as we share life together and work to sharpen each other into better leaders. We read through a book and talk about how to put principles into practice to improve our marriages, parent our children with purpose, and develop into godly leaders in our work & the church.

Our schedules have been pretty packed this month so we were running behind when we met this morning. The morning didn't exactly flow as planned as we arrived at the church to discover a major water leak. We spent 30 minutes trying to shut off the valve and then another 30 minutes contacting someone to fix it. We never did get around to discussing the book (and rescheduled to meet next week to do so) but were able to share how life has been going for each of us lately. One of our guys spoke the truth we all were thinking--it was just good to have our group together to encourage each other even if we didn't hit our intended purpose.

It's further validation for me that life isn't meant to be lived alone. There is something uniquely powerful about men sharing life together and pushing each other to succeed as godly leaders. I'm grateful for the guys God has placed in my life and the opportunities we have to help each other on this journey.

Never Alone

God said in the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone. That doesn't mean that we settle for anyone in a relationship or sacrifice our standards. It is an encouragement to do life with other people in a healthy way that pushes us, holds us up when it's necessary, and celebrates the victories of life.

If we bother to look around we will see people who are struggling with their life decisions and their current status, but are either too proud to ask for help or don't believe their plea would be answered positively. I am reminded far too often (usually as a result of counseling sessions) that we need to be focused on mentoring & investing in the people around us. It is a life value to intentionally invest in the lives of people we come in contact with. It requires individual humility to seek out this counsel and to also recognize that your experience doesn't make you an expert, but instead someone who can now offer what God has shown you.

There is a desperate need for older married couples to take a younger couple under their wings and do life with them. We need godly men to willingly step up for younger men & boys and journey towards manhood together. There is a paucity of positive female mentorship & leadership that can only be filled by women striving to see each subsequent generation changed for the better.

We lament the downfall of society and the change in "this generation." Instead of incessantly ranting about the lack of moral leadership, why don't we get out of our spiritual Barcaloungers, take a stand for other people, and commit what breath we have left to making a difference in those that need it.

Where Are the Men?

It has become even more obvious to me this week that we are missing positive, godly male leadership in the church and our communities. I see so many of our young men here with distorted views of what is right and wrong, with skewed perceptions of their relationship with young women and increased emphasis on the stereotypical behavior patterns that our culture has imposed on them. We are in desperate need of male role models who will make the sacrifice of time and effort to help raise up this next generation. This doesn't only apply to our middle and high school youth-it is for all ages. We talk as a staff each week about the need for volunteer leaders in preschool and grade school and our college young men and those in their twenties and beyond need this as well.

God intended for men to take the lead in the development of faith for the family and that extends into the church and our society as well. I am very thankful for godly women that have taken the spiritual lead for families and our communities. Now is time for a revival of men that need to step into the role God intended them serve in.

A generation is floundering and may go to hell if we don't.