Accessibility

Kevin Stone is a fellow executive pastor I follow online who always has helpful things to say. He blogged recently about being accessible to the church staff to provide help and to model servant leadership. While I completely agreed with his post, it also moved me to think about my accessibility in other areas of my life.

Am I available to God’s direction and leading? I know I want to follow where He takes me, but am I open to listening even when I don’t hear exactly what I want to hear? Does my wife think I am accessible? Am I open to sharing with her and ready for conversation while being emotionally and mentally engaged? Do my children think I am available to them? Do they feel I am focused on them when we spend time together or is my attention always elsewhere? What about the people I see on my life’s path? Am I closed off to strangers and friends or do I leave myself open to a genuine interaction that recognizes the intersection of our journeys? Am I allowing myself to be accessible to the Holy Spirit and opportunities for compassion and growth? Am I willing to adjust my personal agenda and schedule to make room for these moments or is my task list too consuming?

Being accessible doesn’t happen accidentally. To be available for the people and moments that matter there has to be an intentional effort to be open, aware, and present.

I'm Right Here

"Be where you are right now."

That statement seems too obviously simple to live by. How could we be anywhere else but where we are in this moment? While we can't change our present physical location we can choose to be somewhere else mentally and emotionally. It's reflected in the way we endure the work week to get to the weekend, pine for upcoming vacations while wishing the current days away, neglecting to engage in our community because of our fixation with other places and people, and in our obsession with social media instead of focusing on the people right in front of us.

This mindset ends up ignoring present people and moments because we are looking too far ahead. It ends up robbing the joy from our current position (even if we have to look harder for that joy sometimes.) There are experiences to be had, relationships to be developed, patience to be learned, and influence to be shaped if we dwell richly in this moment. Don't wish away or waste the moment you are in, but learn to be where you are right now.

Language Lessons

We wrapped up a series on marriage this week by sharing the idea of commitment in our relationships. This obviously takes some work from both people and a willingness to endure through difficult times. One of the keys to thriving is to understand the "love language" of the other person. While this may sound a little odd, it's a theory based on how we tend to understand we are loved. It varies from person to person and includes words of affirmation, physical touch, giving of gifts, quality time, and acts of service. I don't believe we are necessarily exclusive in these areas, but we are predominantly affected by some more than others.

If we want to effectively communicate our depth of feeling for those we love we have to understand how they hear us. Continuing to speak in a way that doesn't connect with them won't get the point across. Increasing the frequency of gifts won't affirm a person's feelings if they respond best to positive words. It's like speaking English to someone who only speaks Spanish and getting increasingly louder as we realize we aren't communicating. Soon we'll both be yelling and neither one of us will understand what's being said.

Positive Talk

Our words are more powerful than we realize. It's easy to throw them around and not understand the impact they have on the people we care about. I've learned through my own poor choices how damaging my tongue can be and have also seen the incredibly positive power of an encouraging word. I think we've all got to learn to examine our speech and use better words if we want to see our relationships improve. Common relationship-building phrases could include:

I love you.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you.
You are important to me.
I think you're beautiful.
You make me happy.
I'm sorry.
You're safe with me. 

It's a dedication to learning a new pattern of speaking even if the words might seem foreign to us at first. Speaking these positive words will be fruitful in our relationships. Even if we struggle at first I think we'll find it makes us feel better too.

Pouring Out

A week of camp is as exhausting as it is rewarding. There are many satisfactory moments from this expenditure of energy yet it does deplete your personal reserves. The week obviously demands a great deal of physical activity, but also pulls from your emotional, mental, and spiritual stores as well. It is an investment worth making as we have seen the results of our efforts and trust in the ongoing development which will take place after our week is but a memory. Pouring yourself out for the benefit of others (especially this younger generation) is worth the exhaustion at the end of the experience. Our willingness to do this will hopefully set an example for future generations to follow.

Long Lasting

I wrote recently about relationships in life and how some of them are seasonal. The short-term nature of these are still important parts of the people we have become and our life history. I think it's also valuable to have some relationships that are long term. These are the people that have stuck with us over the years and have continued to maintain more than a casual, passing friendship. 

In these relationships there has been a mutual investment and shared life. These are people that know us at our best and love us through our worst. We have cried together, invested sweat equity with each other, laughed at (and with) each other, and developed a bond that surpasses distance. There is a depth of connection that has covered trials, victories, and failures in each of our lives. It is a strength of relationship forged through powerful life experiences and a willingness to continue to invest in each other.

My family and I recently spent time with one of those friends on the mission field in Arizona. Our friend and his family have been part of our lives since he and his sister were both children. Our time together reminded me of the years of memories and the strong connection we still share today. Our love for him was quickly extended to his fiancee as well. It was an honor to serve with them both and to receive confirmation of the power of this long-lasting friendship.

I am a blessed man to have had such good friends over the years--both for short seasons and also those that endure. Both have tremendous value and impact on who I am today.

Working Together

Seeking independence is part of growing up. It starts at a young age when your child tells you, "I can do it myself!" and increases from there. It's an admirable characteristic in one regard as we want people to learn to stand on their own feet and not be forced to lean on others for everything. We applaud people for their independence as they figure out what it means to be self-sufficient. We even equate maturity with the level of personal independence.

Perhaps a better indicator of maturity would be in realizing our need for interdependence. It doesn't mean that we aren't capable of doing things on our own, but that we strive to work together with others in community. Instead of touting our ability to things on our own we find ourselves saying, "I need you and you need me." Strong willed people are usually only good with half of that statement while mature people recognize the value in mutual investment.

Making Time

I spent some time today driving to Atlanta and back for a meeting. I will readily admit that I don't love the traffic in Atlanta. In fact, it makes me appreciate driving in Milledgeville each time I have to pass through there. The good part about the combined four hours of driving is that it gives me time to think and to listen to podcasts. This way I can listen to other leaders, pastors, and authors and use it as a time of personal development. It takes some dead time on the road and makes it more beneficial. Honestly, I should regularly carve out that time each week, but it sometimes takes a road trip to make it happen.

I recognize the importance of being mentally stimulated and challenged and while it happens in various ways throughout the week it's a practice in which I need to be more disciplined. Setting that time aside on a consistent basis will open my mind to new possibilities and help to reshape the way that I view things. It's something that all maturing leaders should take part in.

Community Minded

If you want to have an impact on your community you need to be part of it. You need to get out and walk through crowds and spend time where the people are. Find a place to volunteer and give up a chunk of time to make a difference. Invest your resources in organizations that are working to reach people and provide opportunities for growth. Coach little league sports, read in nursing homes, help hand out food, mow a lawn for an elderly neighbor, and buy someone a cup of coffee. 

It doesn't always take a lot to make a substantial difference, but it starts by deciding to have an active presence in your community.

A Movement

Things have to change. We continue to talk about the same problems without seeing the desired results and yet don't adjust our strategies. We recognize that there is a gap that is desperate to be filled and now we need to attack with an intentional intensity to find lasting success. It's not just about providing information, but it's instead about motivating people to see that there is another way of life. 

We don't have to be trapped in old cycles of behavior and thinking, but we can be transformed in a way that impacts our community. This involves the principles of social justice, education, and compassion and yet supersedes them at the same time. It's fueled by the indomitable will of people who won't stand for anything less, but persevere through resistance and commit to investing in the people around them. 

It's a movement marked by our desire to enter into the neighborhoods around us and fight for people who have either forgotten or never learned how to fight for themselves. It's a movement marked by genuine life transformation that doesn't come easily, but is much sweeter and longer lasting because it has taken tremendous effort. It resuscitates communities, obliterates prejudices of all kinds, and unites people in a common bond of brotherhood. It's the movement that God has been calling all of His children to take part in-the one that He designed us to lead. He promises to give us the strength, guidance, and resources to make it come alive. Will we take the initiative to make it a reality?

Unable to See

I wrote yesterday about the need to picture your preferred future to be able to attain it. What do you do if you can't imagine something because you've never experienced anything similar to it? What do you do when your life circumstances haven't allowed you to see anything beyond your present condition? I have seen people in our community here in Georgia, in my hometown of Daytona Beach, and on the mission field in Arizona who are unable to picture a preferred future because they don't believe that anything else exists beyond their present life.

How do you get someone to hope for something better when they don't understand the concept? When you've always been saturated in hopelessness and futility you tend to believe that's all there is.

How can you convince someone to trust you when they have never been able to trust anyone in authority in their life? When the people that are closest to you are constantly abandoning you for their own gratification it makes it impossible to believe anyone who attempts to help you.

How do you get someone to accept unconditional love when that concept is completely foreign to them? When people in your life only reward you for what you do for them you tend to believe that you have to earn each person's devotion.

How do we convince people that they can break free from generational cycles and improve their standing when they have never been rewarded for good decisions? When you are constantly being berated and insulted, you start to believe these lies and refuse to rise above your circumstances.

These are the people who desperately need a vision of something greater and persistent investment from people who are able to see a better future. If we aren't willing to wade into the difficult mess of these firmly held falsehoods we are condemning people to a drowning life of desperation while refusing to throw them a life preserver.

It Matters

I attended the ribbon cutting on a new garden and walking trail in a nearby community yesterday afternoon. It is in an economically depressed area of town that is seeing a resurgence as the members of this specific area are banding together to make a difference. The walking trail is open to anyone and people can choose to rent a small area to plant for their own garden. It has seen families, individuals, and community investors partner together to revitalize an area that has struggled for many years. Older men are working alongside young men to make a physical difference while having an opportunity to share life changing truths at the same time. Families are directly enjoying the fruits of their labor while they eat the foods they have grown themselves. The area has become a safe and enticing place to play for children again as well.

The best commentary was shared yesterday by a mother and her family. She said that this community felt like it had been asleep and it had finally been awakened again. That's the result that excites me and encourage me to find new ways for us to change other areas in our community around us. It's exactly why we get involved and will keep investing our resources to make a difference.

Difference Makers

Tonight a group of men from Vaughn Chapel and Northridge Christian Church met to chat & chew. While we enjoyed conversation with each other and a good steak dinner, we gathered for a greater purpose. We were all concerned with the state of our community and the role of men in leadership and want to be part of the solution. It won't be fixed overnight, but it can begin with a group of dedicated, godly men who are willing to prayerfully invest in the generations around us. It's a risky move that requires dedicated time, effort, and spiritual energy to find success. It's almost guaranteed that it won't be easy, but if we won't step up to do something about it nothing will ever change for the better. 

All of us recognize the need for men to step up and lead in our families, in schools, and in industry. We also see the lack of man-to-man mentoring, but realize what an incredible opportunity that gives us.

Give & Take

Understanding your personality type is a huge benefit. When you are comfortably aware of who you

are, you are able to invest in things that bring great satisfaction and encouragement. It has taken me many years to come to this understanding on a personal level and now I am able to intentionally make time for interactions that energize me.

The past two and half days has been a perfect example of that practice. I was blessed to spend that time down in my hometown with a constantly full schedule of meeting with friends and family. It's a frenetic pace filled with laughter, coffee, prayers, encouragement, and very little sleep. As much as it eventually tires me out physically (mainly due to a lack of restful hours) it increases my emotional and spiritual energy exponentially. I am grateful for a wife and family that understand my need to do this periodically and a church home that allows me to have the time as well. I am still processing all that I experienced and shared in and am very content in the fullness of my heart.

Pour It Out

Our staff attended the Drive Conference at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, GA this past week. We were incredibly blessed by all of their staff and volunteers and their willingness to share for the sake of God's Church continuing to grow. This mutual investment is part of their organizational culture and was evident in every area we went. I heard a fantastic analogy about this from one of their leaders while we there: North Point has had their "cup" filled by God with creativity & vision and they feel it it their job to pour that out into whoever is willing to bring a cup and ask.

I think that should be part of the culture of all of our churches and on a bigger scale as part of our life philosophy. This creates an intentional life-to-life mentoring that develops our community. It involves men, women, teens, couples, families, life groups, and churches. It returns us to the idea that we should be working together to provide the best possible outcomes & puts it into practice by willingly and lovingly investing in the people around us.