What You Said

We all have certain phrases and words we commonly use. Sometimes it's a specific word we use to express our surprise or the way we react to circumstances. Most of us have even established patterns of speech we use to interact with people closest to us even if it isn't always the best.

There are some things I have purposely removed from my verbal repertoire once I realized it, but others have stayed over the years. Those that stay become words that define me, my thoughts, and even describe the people around me. I would like to say those are always healthy, but that isn't always the case.

Instead of just focusing on the specific words (although those carry a lot of weight) I might be better served to ask myself deeper questions. Am I speaking words of blessing or words of discouragement? Do people look forward to hearing me speak to them or look for ways to avoid me? Am I a bringer of life with my speech or do I take life away? These thoughts focus on the motivation for what I say instead of just correcting poor speech habits. Honestly answering these questions gives me an opportunity to make positive changes to benefit other people and become a better person.

Positive Talk

Our words are more powerful than we realize. It's easy to throw them around and not understand the impact they have on the people we care about. I've learned through my own poor choices how damaging my tongue can be and have also seen the incredibly positive power of an encouraging word. I think we've all got to learn to examine our speech and use better words if we want to see our relationships improve. Common relationship-building phrases could include:

I love you.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you.
You are important to me.
I think you're beautiful.
You make me happy.
I'm sorry.
You're safe with me. 

It's a dedication to learning a new pattern of speaking even if the words might seem foreign to us at first. Speaking these positive words will be fruitful in our relationships. Even if we struggle at first I think we'll find it makes us feel better too.

Think First

Too often we speak in situations without giving careful thought to the words we use or the timing of our interjections. Just because we have an opinion on a subject (like everyone else) doesn't mean we need to always vocalize that opinion. I've learned through many failures and ill-timed comments we should guard our tongue more carefully and be judicious on when we choose to speak. There is an often repeated and yet true guide to help us determine when we should speak up and when we should be silent:

• Can I verify that what I am about to say is the truth?
• Is what I am sharing beneficial to others or just for my own gratification?
• Will this motivate and encourage those that are listening?
• Is it absolutely essential I share this or is it just an attempt at self-validation?
• Is this truly a kind thing to say or am I using sarcastic humor and a passive aggressive attitude to communicate?

Watch Your Mouth!

A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. (‭James‬ ‭3‬:‭5-6‬ MSG)

I understand from personal experience the power of the spoken word and how damaging it can be to relationships. This isn't a new problem nor is it only an issue for me. The passage of Scripture above demonstrates the devastating potential of our words and cautions us in our choices. The good news is that we can choose the opposite of the verses above as well.

• A carefully placed, correct word can put out the fire of conflict.
• We can strengthen & build up the world and our relationships
• The right word can create beautiful, unified harmonies while eliminating chaos
• We can restore a person's reputation and protect their character
• At the first sign of impending fire we can quickly put it out with words of peace, unconditional love, and reconciliation

We have always had the power to build up or destroy with our words. Let's carefully choose which list of results we want to describe our speech.

Verbal Attacks

Imagine writing down on a card the most hurtful thing ever said to you and the most hurtful thing you have said to others. These are the words that trap us in the damage of our past and prohibit us from moving forward in freedom. These are the words that have affected our lives and shaped the way we handle our relationships. 

How do we move past these jumbled letters that have afflicted us so deeply? We can take the first step by taking that card littered with pain and throwing it away. We replace those words of pain with genuine expressions of encouragement and forgiveness. We refuse to allow the past to be the only thing that defines us and we replace it with the graceful hope of God's future. The resonating gong of this verbal litter hitting the trashcan symbolizes our pain and regret being cast aside. It's the sound of the beginning of our healing. 

More Than Words

As I wrote yesterday, I have an understanding of the power of words and also see tremendous value in the right words being spoken at the right time. I saw this in action today as I was able to do one of my favorite things as a pastor, and officiate the wedding of a wonderful couple.

It was a day marked by their desire to enter into a covenant relationship and affirm their love for each other. The ceremony was brief and filled with words that spoke of great promise. These were words that were carefully chosen to represent their love for each other and the vows they were sharing. There was added power and accountability to these words as they had selected a group of friends and family to bear witness to what was said over them. The depth of this commitment was in what was spoken, but most importantly in the intent of what was shared.

This is a time in life when words are extremely important. Not only are they a reflection of deep love, but also a promise for a great unknown future and a commitment to endure. I'm grateful for a chance to play a small part in days like this as a front row witness and guide even as I'm reminded of the depth of our verbal promises.

Power

A large part of what I do involves written and spoken word. I communicate daily through my blog and have significant conversations each week with people in need. Of course I also have the tremendous opportunity to teach hundreds of people frequently on Sundays as well. Fortunately, I understand how powerful those words are and the incredible trust I have been given to share them in the most influential way.

Recognizing that I need to be careful with my use of words has taken time. It's been a difficult lesson that has been taught through failure and collateral damage. I still don't always get it right, but my respect for the immense power of my speech and written word has increased tremendously as I have matured. Imagine the positive difference we would see in our culture if would carefully weigh each opportunity to communicate.

Two Words

Some like to think that you have to talk more to
get your point across (a trap that I sometimes fall

into) but there is power in simplicity and economy of speech too. Tonight it only took two words to say what matters most, "I do." They are words that convey much more than acquiescence to a rehearsed set of vows or an expected, timely response. They were words filled with passionate emotion and fervent dedication that echoed their depth of commitment. These are words shaped by past experiences that bring an even greater gratitude for present blessings. This private oath shared publicly give us a glimpse of the emotional intimacy between a couple. It reveals the trust that has been built between them and the firm foundation that will only be strengthened over time. It's a promise of stronger things to come that are forged in the fires of resilience, healing, and God's restoration. I'm honored to have had a front row seat while they were shared.

Powerful Tongue

The tongue is one of the smallest parts of the body and
yet it can trip us up more than anything else. Without

the proper focus we use it to scathingly insult people, light up a room with sarcastic remarks under the guise of humor, and spread vicious gossip that never helps but always hurts others. Our tongue can also be used to speak words of blessing, offer encouragement to the down-hearted, and proffer wisdom in good timing and patience. Each of us has the choice to use this power for good or to wantonly waste our words while leaving a trail of collateral damage. Choose wisely what words you will speak.