Defining Yourself

What defines me? What do I allow to determine my identity? Far too often I fall into the trap of letting my profession describe who I am. I don't believe I am the only one who thinks this way. It's a natural reaction based on how our society defines success. We've forgotten that what we do is part of who we are, but it isn't the single greatest characteristic. If we follow our passions and use our God-given abilities this can be a significant portion of our identity, but on its own cannot be complete.

This incomplete practice misses important pieces of who I am and the roles I am called to fill (husband, father, son, brother, and friend.) Only labeling myself by what I do ignores my personality, life history, and quiet passions. My business card is a single-dimension representation of a multi-dimensional person and there is no way it can accurately represent all of who I am.

I am more than my career even when I am the one who sometimes forgets it.

Two Sides

I recognize that I have a strong personality that sometimes can overwhelm a room. I've had to learn (and still continue to do so) to be part of the conversation in a room without having to dominate the entire dialogue. Faithful, caring mentors, good friends, and a loving wife have helped me to see how to intently invest in other people without overpowering everyone. It's the difference in being a pleasant aroma that quietly permeates a room versus being a 16 pound bowling ball that gets everyone's attention by slamming into the walls and furniture. Both will have an impact on everyone in the room, but one will be warmly welcomed while the other only hurts.

Are we cognizant of the positive and negative potential of our own personality? Will we give caring people the freedom to hold us accountable for how we leverage who we are? Are we willing to make the tough personal adjustments to be a more positive influence or are we comfortable with being a leadership bully? It's not that we have to stop being who we are, but that we learn how to lead without dominating the entire conversation around us.

Give & Take

Understanding your personality type is a huge benefit. When you are comfortably aware of who you

are, you are able to invest in things that bring great satisfaction and encouragement. It has taken me many years to come to this understanding on a personal level and now I am able to intentionally make time for interactions that energize me.

The past two and half days has been a perfect example of that practice. I was blessed to spend that time down in my hometown with a constantly full schedule of meeting with friends and family. It's a frenetic pace filled with laughter, coffee, prayers, encouragement, and very little sleep. As much as it eventually tires me out physically (mainly due to a lack of restful hours) it increases my emotional and spiritual energy exponentially. I am grateful for a wife and family that understand my need to do this periodically and a church home that allows me to have the time as well. I am still processing all that I experienced and shared in and am very content in the fullness of my heart.

Bright Light

One of the toughest leadership lessons that I have taught (and had to learn as well) is that a leader will have to learn to be a follower as well. We can't always be the one who is steering the ship and determining our course, but we can have great impact by following the one that God has placed in that role.

Several years ago I was leading one of the annual trips to the American Indian Christian Mission in Show Low, Arizona with a group of high schoolers from Florida. I look at these trips as a chance to bless those that we go to minister to, but to also use the opportunity to invest in our team members. One afternoon we were engaged in a leadership game that required them to figure out a task. I had used this multiple times in different settings and the task usually took about 15 minutes to complete. On this particular trip, however, we had at least 10 very strong leaders (and several other quiet ones) which made the task much more difficult than it had to be. I offered no suggestions, but simply watched as this simple task was still not complete one hour later. While their frustrations were mounting I simply sat back and watched. When I realized we had reached a breaking point, I stepped in to tell them one of the toughest leadership lessons: lead by following. I then picked one of our quietest leaders and told them to take charge and that no one else was allowed to speak. They finished their task in under 10 minutes and the point was made.

Even though I feel that I have a better grasp on this concept than I once did, I still struggle with making this happen. Some very wise people who have invested in my life over the years have helped me to see the truth of not always having to speak the answer to situations or direct people exactly where everything should go. It is a difference of wanting to get things done or investing in the people around you so that everybody grows as a result.

This was all brought home to be today through a blog by Seth Godin where he wrote, "One option is to struggle to be heard whenever you're in the room. Another option is to be the sort of person who is missed when you're not. The first involves making noise. The second involves making a difference."

I have made a lot of noise in my life. I am working hard every day in prayer, study, and action to make a difference.