Comparison Shopping

Looking for a new(ish) car isn't fun. I've only done it a handful of times without some expert help (my stepfather, good car-minded friends, etc.) but we are currently searching for one for our oldest daughter. I've spent a lot of time online looking for a good deal and even wandered onto a used car lot today to check. It's not an easy process to find what you're looking for as you compare models, features, mileage, and especially price. It is essential, however, to measure what you see against other deals to make sure you get something worthwhile.

Comparison is a helpful tool when picking out a car, but it can be damaging when it's centered on yourself. Determining how successful you are by the success of others isn't a valid or healthy tool. Measuring your physical fitness by another person isn't completely accurate. Deciding if you are a good parent based on how another father interacts with his daughters isn't a true indicator of my family's stability.

The comparison trap can be overwhelming dangerous and discouraging if it's the only measurement we use. While we can gain insight from witnessing the lives of other people, we risk debilitating discouragement when we try to be just like other people instead of being the best version of ourselves we can be. Let the people around us be an inspiration (and sometimes a warning) without being a measuring stick we can't compare to.

Know Who You Are

No matter how hard you might work to control details, life will never move exactly as you planned. There will be unforeseen circumstances, emergencies, uncertainty, and interruptions to derail us (almost sounds like a typical Monday, doesn't it?) Any amount of life experience will affirm this truth. What we have to determine is our personal response when this inevitability occurs.

Coping skills and adaptability are admirable qualities that help in these uneven times and can certainly guide us down the right path. These can be learned to a certain extent and should be strengthened as much as possible if we expect to be overcomers. I think the longest lasting success is found in something much simpler and more foundational: our identity.

If I am clear about who I am (son of the King, husband, father, friend, pastor) I won't allow these other events to pull me away from that. In fact, it's by reminding myself of the importance of who I am trying to become that helps me fight selfishness, anger, and stupidity. There's no guarantee I will always remember this, but hopefully I can see the value in maintaining the integrity of my character instead of responding flippantly to current circumstances. Don't let life's fluctuating events decide who you will be, but let your identity decide how you will respond.

Defining Yourself

What defines me? What do I allow to determine my identity? Far too often I fall into the trap of letting my profession describe who I am. I don't believe I am the only one who thinks this way. It's a natural reaction based on how our society defines success. We've forgotten that what we do is part of who we are, but it isn't the single greatest characteristic. If we follow our passions and use our God-given abilities this can be a significant portion of our identity, but on its own cannot be complete.

This incomplete practice misses important pieces of who I am and the roles I am called to fill (husband, father, son, brother, and friend.) Only labeling myself by what I do ignores my personality, life history, and quiet passions. My business card is a single-dimension representation of a multi-dimensional person and there is no way it can accurately represent all of who I am.

I am more than my career even when I am the one who sometimes forgets it.

Surrendered Identity

When we surrender to God we discover who we are supposed to be. This willingness to release our tight grip on our lives and grab onto God isn't necessarily a natural reaction, but it's essential. Any other way of living is a stubborn refusal to acknowledge God's sovereignty. It might appear this surrender is a sign of defeat when in reality it's aligning ourselves on a path guaranteed to bring us victory.

True Value

So often we pretend to be something we aren't while hoping it will cause others to like us. I wish I could say this is only a middle school or teenage problem, but it certainly affects adults as well. We make alterations to our speech, attitudes, and behavioral patterns in an attempt to appear to be something different than who we are. At the root of it all is a fear that we won't be accepted for who we are. Our life history (what we have done and what has been done to us) has shaped this negative mentality. Unless we recognize this paralyzing cycle and the lie that fuels it we won't understand our true worth. In all of our imperfection, we have value because God loves us for who we are.

Who Are You?

We kicked off our week of middle school camp tonight with a full crew of camper and staff. Our theme is #DeathToSelfie--an emphasis on refusing to seek the approval of other people, but discovering who we are in Christ. I'm praying for a revealing of truth and a refusal to settle for anything less than a full understanding of who we are in Christ. It's not as much a desire to stop people from taking selfies as it is a desire to let go of the selfie mentality. We don't need to take pictures and then crop, edit, and filter them just so people will give us their approval. We need to be confident in how God sees us and move forward in that knowledge. It's a lesson adults struggle to grasp and I pray our middle schoolers can see the truth in it now. Recognizing this truth at their age will only help them be more confident as they continue to grow.

Wired

We are all programmed internally to seek love and acceptance. We might try to fight that urge through rebellion and nonconformity, but even that response is birthed out of bad experiences in seeking those things. Our desire for these can be beautiful and beneficial when it's channeled in the right direction. Sadly, the negative side surfaces when we settle for them in places that are unhealthy and unsafe.

As a Christ follower, I believe God put these desires into our DNA so we would eventually seek Him. Making them part of the core of our identity means we can't completely ignore this need even if our earthly experiences are less than fulfilling. It's the lack of completion by any other means that is intended to push us to seek them in the perfection of Christ. It's God's way of wiring us to desire Him above all things even if we struggle with making that our reality.

What Defines Me?

My calling is to be a pastor, but is that truly who I am? I am a husband, father, son, brother, and friend, but do those relationships define me entirely? I am here today as a sum of my past experiences (delightful, awful, and mundane) and my reactions to those experiences, but do those additive moments fully describe me? They are all part of my mental, emotional, and spiritual development regardless of how well or how poorly I have chosen to act in the past.

I am more than I appear to be. I know this because of my confidence in Christ which gives me hope beyond my current circumstances. Even armed with this knowledge I still struggle to find my place and my way in this life. How much more do those without that some confidence battle to discover their true identity? It can only be completely found in one place. Anything less is a poor substitute that leaves us confused and desperately searching for the real truth.

Who Are You?

Husband. Father. Son. Brother. Pastor. NY Mets fan. Big voiced. Former teacher. Sports lover. Sarcastic. Wounded. Healing. Mainland family. Beach bum. Passionate. Quickly graying. Struggles with life balance. Created to teach. Loves to worship. Battles with consistency. People pleaser. Headstrong. Visionary. Hard worker. Affectionate.

We use a lot of different labels to describe ourselves. Some of them we readily admit to and others can be identified better by the people close to us. These all are part of our identity and create the picture of who we work to be and the image we portray to those around us. It is the difficult balance of who we are trying to be and who God wants us to be that causes tension in our daily lives.

If we would let our identity be one simple thing-follower of Christ-the rest of the labels we strive for would fall in line.