Family Has Value

Yesterday, Adam LaRoche unexpectedly retired after a solid baseball career. He has been a contributor at the major league level for 12 years and is a respected player. Adam wasn't a superstar, but had played solidly for several different teams. He is also a devoted father who often brought his son to the ballpark to be part of the game. This had not been an issue at any other point during his career and in fact, his son was considered the unofficial team "mascot" for his time with the Washington Nationals.

LaRoche had just finished the first year of a two year contract with the Chicago White Sox when he decided to leave the game. His retirement means he walks away from $13 million instead of playing out his contract. The main reason he chose to leave is that a senior leader in the White Sox organization asked him to keep his son away from baseball activities. With Adam knowing this was his last year no matter what, he decided he wasn't willing to spend it without his son. Instead of decreasing his family time, LaRoche chose to leave a very large sum of money on the table and walk away.

While there may be merits for both sides of this disagreement, I have to respect Adam's choice as a father. His time with his young teenage son during the last year of his playing career was too important for him to compromise. He wanted to tell his son that family was more important than finishing out a contract even if the money involved is larger than most people will make in a lifetime. Adam clearly communicated where his values were and left no doubt in his family's mind.

Am I doing that with my own family? Can they tell how much of a priority they are to me by the decisions I make? Have my actions removed any doubt about their value and how much I care? There may be times when I am better at this than others, but I pray my wife and daughters can see their importance through all of them.

Benefits Package

When my wife and I travel to Arizona (which we love to do) we have certain routines we stick to. While our airline will vary depending on the best possible price, we always rent our vehicles from National Car Rental. I have a contact there who always takes fantastic care of us from the reservation all the way through our return. In fact, he usually makes sure our vehicles are pulled forward and waiting for us when we arrive and expedites our check-in process. There are certain benefits from knowing someone and being a consistent customer.

We all like to receive benefits whether it’s a perk from our employment, privileges from club membership, or other positive results from our relationships. I think most of us look through this lens of personal fulfillment to make decisions about relationships, opportunities, and where we invest our energy. Before we engage in something we usually want to know how it will personally benefit us.

What if we shifted our perspective on this idea and spent the same amount of energy determining how we beneficial we are to other people? How much richer would our personal relationships be if we asked two questions: Am I adding benefit to the people around me? Are others enriched by my presence? I believe this focus will not only strengthen our key relationships, but will radically transform the way we view our community. Actively looking for ways to help other people adds value to all of us.

Last Kid Standing

When I was a kid I was always picked last for sports activities. I was short, had big glasses, and wasn't very athletic. Any game that involved picking captains and choosing sides was a nightmare event for me. Sadly, that included most PE activities in elementary and junior high school-especially the dreaded daily game of kickball. There is nothing quite like the pit-in-your-stomach feeling whenever the teacher would announce it was time to pick teams. It was a situation I knew I couldn’t change because I was never going to to be given the chance to prove I was better than they thought. Each person picked before me reinforced the same message: we don’t want you on our team because you’re not good enough.

Physically I’m not the same scrawny, bespectacled kid waiting dejectedly while everyone around me is chosen. That doesn’t mean I’ve kicked that feeling entirely aside either. This is something that carries over into adulthood and periodically stirs up feelings birthed in those moments of exclusion. I admit I still fear rejection and often feel the need to earn favor and position with people. It can become a trap of never believing I am good enough on my own merits, but have to somehow convince people to pick me for their team.

I recognize this internal battle and work fervently to diminish its effect on me. I believe it’s why I’m so drawn to the idea of new beginnings and the constant power of grace. Grace reminds me I don’t have to be good enough to receive it. My value as a person is not reduced based on what others might think of me or how I perceive myself based on my past. Grace is God’s reminder to me that I have value because He loves me. It’s God’s way of choosing me first for kickball not because of what I can do, but simply because He wants me on His team.

I’m learning to be grateful for that grace even when I don’t completely understand it.

Keep Talking

I love a good conversation. It can center on sports (a definite favorite of mine), my family, problems & solutions, or an exchange of ideas that stretches my mind. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to have all of these happen over a cup of coffee. There are also days where they are interspersed throughout my schedule with good friends and family. I enjoy the shared dialogue, listening to inspiring passions, helping through a difficulty, or even just laughing over a funny story.

There is an intimacy and openness in genuine conversation that is missing in our social media driven world. Perhaps we should commit to reestablishing the practice of face-to-face communication. I believe we would strengthen our relationships and actually enjoy listening to what other people have to say. We might find more value in it than we anticipate.

Surrendered Identity

When we surrender to God we discover who we are supposed to be. This willingness to release our tight grip on our lives and grab onto God isn't necessarily a natural reaction, but it's essential. Any other way of living is a stubborn refusal to acknowledge God's sovereignty. It might appear this surrender is a sign of defeat when in reality it's aligning ourselves on a path guaranteed to bring us victory.

I See You

I believe one of the most basic human longings is to be seen and heard. Sometimes our path of life manages to pull the desire out of us, but it is still at the heart of who we are. We crave being acknowledged--not for the things that we have done, but simply to know we have value. We want to know we matter to someone and we are cared for. We want to know our presence means something. When this is conditioned out of us (whether emotionally, physically, or spiritually) we become less than who we are supposed to be. When people walk by without noticing, we are marginalized.

This validation can't just be something we seek, but must be what we offer to others as well. To be truly human we need to open our eyes to the people around us and acknowledge their existence. Learn to make eye contact with our fellow sojourners in life and let them know they are seen. Refuse to walk blindly by people who are marginalized by others. Be brave enough to halt our schedules and let our presence say, "I see you. I want to hear you." We might discover we have more in common with people than we realize. These brief moments will bring value to those we see and even make our own lives just a little bit better.

More Than a Song

Some songs have a more powerful personal impact than others because they stir up memories of special occasions and important events in our lives. It may be a song from our wedding, a melody that takes us back to the carefree days of our youth, or lyrics that helped us through a tough season of life. These songs tend to stick with us through the years and evoke pleasant emotions whenever we hear them. There is a special significance to them which may not matter as much to others, but certainly carries great power for us.

There is a woman in history who had an interaction with Jesus which is recorded in the book of John. We don't know much about her except for this brief engagement. She met Jesus at a well in Samaria while looking for water and ended up finding the Savior she had been searching for all her life. Despite all her choices and the social and spiritual isolation that resulted from it, she found forgiveness, comfort, and value in the eyes of the Messiah.

She may not have had the songs of today to sing, but I would imagine that she could identify with the powerful lyrics of the song below as a result of her encounter. This redeemed woman could speak with authority on the rescuing power of Christ and how her world would change. If we could listen to this song with that story in mind it might make it as powerful to us as well.

Take a Break

We periodically take technology breaks as a a family. It echoes the spiritual discipline of fasting (in a minor way) as we purposefully remove a regular part of our lives for a period of time. It isn't that our use of technology is completely negative, but it helps us to focus on what is most important. Taking these disciplined breaks will help remind me to place value in the right areas.

It Costs

We took our new puppy to the vet today for a checkup and yearly shots as part of his ongoing care. I knew we would spend some money on the visit, but was not expecting the final tally of $200. My wife texted me to give the warning on the final bill before I got home. Even though it was more than I was expecting to spend today we both came to the same conclusion: our Moses is worth it.

The things that matter most to us will come with a price tag: money, energy, humility, patience, sweat, tears, and sometimes even blood. The cost might seem steep at first, but when it brings something of great value we are good with the trade-off.

Valuable Reminders

Why do we have to wait for times of difficulty to realize what is important to us? It's the times of sorrow and loss that tend to refocus us on what is truly valuable. In the normal pace of life we often forget to be grateful for the people that matter to us and we neglect the regular connection that we all wish we could maintain. While I don't treasure the moments of grief that tend to bring us back together, I do appreciate the not-so-gentle reminder of the great value of the people we love. It's my personal ambition to be more connected to my family without having a sentinel event to refocus me. 

Reflections: Family Tradition

I have been serving in Arizona for the past eleven years and my wife has been part of it for nine. For most of our children's lives we have headed out west each spring while they spent a week with their grandmother in Tennessee. They knew it was a special time for them, but they also came to appreciate the work that we were doing as we shared stories and pictures with them. I think that they have always understood how important this trip is to us and how much we care for the people we get to serve alongside.

The sharing of our trip has changed over the past two years as we have started to bring our daughters out with us. It has always been a rite of passage to observe as they had to wait until they were in high school before they could come with us. Our oldest daughter made her second trip this year as our middle daughter joined her (our youngest will make her first journey next year.) It's a place that we have been eager to share with our girls and we couldn't be happier about the impact it has had on them.

It is the fulfillment of my own personal dream to have our family serve together and to do it in a place that means so much to us is especially valuable. It's a part of raising our girls that shows them the contribution they can make to people around them and the great value in consistently serving those in need. I can't guarantee the results, but I feel confident in the lifelong lessons we are teaching them and hope that they maintain that passion as adults.

Family Values

I've been reading stories in the Old Testament of good leaders and those who were far from good. God made certain promises concerning the consequences of decisions and He always fulfills His promises. Evil, self-centered leaders made decisions that benefited them directly, but dishonored God and brought destruction on the people they were leading. In each circumstance, it was the family of the leader who ended up suffering as well. Entire generations of people were wiped out by ruthless enemies or were oppressed and enslaved. These people were paying for the sins of their family leaders.

The decisions that we make as leaders will directly affect our family. We might convince ourselves that our career and family are two separate environments, but there is no way to have 100% clear division between the two. Choosing to act selfishly or unethically will directly impact our home life and the legacy we leave for our children. The poor decisions (often sinful) we make will affect our relationships and the faith & hope of our future generations.

Losing

What do I have to lose?

We often ask this question when we are thinking about taking a risk. We ask it in a passing fashion without really stopping to answer the question, but cursorily dismissing the possible risks and simply forging ahead. I'm not opposed to risk taking (in fact, it's the only way to see truly great things happen) but there is wisdom in stopping to ask what we could potentially lose with this choice. Are we really taking a leap of faith that will bring growth & benefit or are we simply pursuing selfish ambition & satisfaction?

With some decisions, we can lose everything that matters to us:

• Financial stability
• Our marriages
• The respect of our children
• Trust
• Confidence in our faith
• The right to speak with wisdom
• The right to lead

Be wise in your decision-making. Don't let people influence you who don't have the same things to lose that you do. Make sure that God is the one guiding you to take a risk of faith. Understand that there will be consequences for all decisions (both good and bad) and be sure you're ready to face them as a result of your choice. Know what it is that you have to lose & make the right move before taking the leap. 

Left Behind

I have vivid memories of being chosen last as an elementary kid in all team sports. I was a geeky, poorly dressed, nonathletic child who didn't stumble into athleticism until I was older. I don't know that anyone was being intentionally cruel, but it is still unpleasant when you are the one the last team is stuck with. It quickly diminishes your self-esteem and deflates your enthusiasm for being involved.

Much like many other childhood experiences,  the effects of this can be noticed in adulthood. The damaged perceptions from seemingly innocuous events will carry over into the rest of life even if we don't recognize the root of the damage. The effects of my own experiences could steer me in one of two disastrous directions: resigning myself to being left out and falsely believing that I am a person without value or worth or working so hard to overcome this that my personality becomes a huge monster that damages anyone in the vicinity. Sadly, through my own choices I've seen both of these in action. The good news is that God's version of our story doesn't end here.

I am ridiculously grateful that when God redeems and restores us it's not just from our own sinful choices, but also from our brokenness. He is ready to overcome emotional scarring and let us see the great value we have in His eyes. God didn't "settle" for us, but chose us first. There was no obligation on His part, but only genuine love for His creation. Grasping that truth is enough to overcome any event in our past. Repeat this mantra of healing often and allow it to rewrite God's promises over the story of our broken woundedness.

Now What?

Gaining someones attention is not guaranteed to be an easy task. Whether it's your family, friends, colleagues, or people in your community, this commodity is precious and you don't want to waste it once you have it. Businesses, leaders, marketers and politicians expend ridiculous amounts of energy simply trying to gain the attention of their customers, followers, consumers, and constituents. Sadly, once that focus is directed so many of them have nothing of value to say. It certainly seems like an incredible amount of energy invested that produces zero actual gain.  

Getting their attention is the first part of the equation. Make sure you have something of value to offer once they're listening or you'll have to work twice as hard to get them next time.

Inherent Value

Far too often we follow the path of least resistance in our perceptions of others. Instead of a careful and compassionate evaluation, we tend to see the value in people in our first shallow thought. We create a stereotype in our minds based on how they are dressed, how uncomfortable they might make us feel, what our families ingrained in us, how we feel about ourselves, and the way that they act. In the midst of this we are missing the value they (and we) have as sons & daughters of the King.

Even if people are lost and wandering or uncomfortably different from us, it does not change God's valuation of them. They are God's workmanship created in love by Him to do great works here on earth. If we can gain a small understanding of this for ourselves it will ultimately change the way that we engage the people around us. There is tremendous promise of hope for a community that sees the value placed by God in each person.

Comparison Shopping

When we make an inexpensive, impulse buy at a store we make a quick judgment in our mind that it isn't a big deal because the item was cheap and easy to purchase. If we were going to buy a flat screen TV however, we would probably search for the best possible deal, make sure that it had all of the features that we need, and even then may choose not to purchase it. We are putting into practice the principle of assigning value.

At some point in our lives we put a value on spiritual things. We will have to determine whether we want to stay in a small comfort zone or step into the wild journey of following Christ. A decision will have to made about our lifestyle and maintaining it as it is, or whether we will exchange it for God's way of life. We will have to choose either the pleasures of God's Kingdom or the pleasures of sin.

We make these decisions as we determine the cost of declaring allegiance to the King. It is a continual, daily process of assigning value that requires us to actively choose who we will follow.