And She Turns 16

Our youngest girl turned 16 today. As is our family tradition, we've let her set the pace for the day and determine what she wants to do. This is especially fitting as this has been a characteristic of her as long as I can remember. Her strong personality challenges us often while offering glimpses of the powerful potential she has to make a difference.

Our Olivia is uniquely and wonderfully her own person and I love her passion and enthusiasm for what she believes. She is extremely intelligent, fiercely loyal, and a deep thinker. It's no coincidence that her fiery red hair matches her personality.

Her excitement is contagious and she is still discovering how her influence can be used to help others. Underneath her vivacious exterior is a tender heart that cares deeply for others. It's this genuine concern matched with her strong thoughts and gifts that will lead her down her future path.

I love this girl and all of who she is. I'm proud to be her father and am looking forward to what the years ahead will hold for her.

(Not) The Best

I will readily admit I am not all I could be. There is always a gap between who I would like to be and the man I am right now. It's not always a comfortable reality to confront, but I'm learning to be at peace in the process of growth.

The truth is that my family probably deserves a better husband and father. The rest of my family deserves a better son and brother. My friends certainly deserve a better friend. The people I am called to minister to deserve a better pastor. In spite of what they may all deserve, however, I'm the one they have. This doesn't diminish the value of my role or the importance I play in their life. Instead it energizes me to be the best version of myself I can be.

We have options when we are faced with our own shortcomings. There is always the option to take the path of denial and try to pretend they aren't real even though they are apparent to those who know us. We can choose to let them overwhelm and discourage us as we allow the weight of our human imperfections to crush our spirit. The path of transparent growth is our best option. This motivates us to have a realistic view of who we are while striving to become better people. It's the healthiest, if not the most simple decision to make for our future.

Taking this path will actually shape us into being the person the people in our life need the most.

Family Has Value

Yesterday, Adam LaRoche unexpectedly retired after a solid baseball career. He has been a contributor at the major league level for 12 years and is a respected player. Adam wasn't a superstar, but had played solidly for several different teams. He is also a devoted father who often brought his son to the ballpark to be part of the game. This had not been an issue at any other point during his career and in fact, his son was considered the unofficial team "mascot" for his time with the Washington Nationals.

LaRoche had just finished the first year of a two year contract with the Chicago White Sox when he decided to leave the game. His retirement means he walks away from $13 million instead of playing out his contract. The main reason he chose to leave is that a senior leader in the White Sox organization asked him to keep his son away from baseball activities. With Adam knowing this was his last year no matter what, he decided he wasn't willing to spend it without his son. Instead of decreasing his family time, LaRoche chose to leave a very large sum of money on the table and walk away.

While there may be merits for both sides of this disagreement, I have to respect Adam's choice as a father. His time with his young teenage son during the last year of his playing career was too important for him to compromise. He wanted to tell his son that family was more important than finishing out a contract even if the money involved is larger than most people will make in a lifetime. Adam clearly communicated where his values were and left no doubt in his family's mind.

Am I doing that with my own family? Can they tell how much of a priority they are to me by the decisions I make? Have my actions removed any doubt about their value and how much I care? There may be times when I am better at this than others, but I pray my wife and daughters can see their importance through all of them.

Security Detail

I feel one of my roles in our family is to serve as a protector.  I’m not solely responsible for this, but it is something I think about often. I recognize objectives we all have to commit to keeping and try to make decisions with them in mind (as much as possible.) I don’t have a comprehensive list I read over, but there are certain things which are important:

- Our integrity—doing things to be consistent in our individual and family character
- Values—strengthening the important things which define who we are
- Vision—maintaining a big picture of who we want our family to be
- Heart—keeping our family safe emotionally
- Future—making sure we are setting ourselves up for the best possible future
- Legacy—setting up a foundation of family faith for our future generations
- Purity—helping each other make the best decisions
- Family dynamic—watching out for each other & keeping a safe home dynamic
- Time—making sure our time together is protected above all other time

How are you doing this? What boundaries are you setting up to keep your family safe?

Being a Dad

Being a father to our three teenage daughters is the most challenging and also the most rewarding role in my life. I often struggle to say and do the right thing and spend far too much time thinking about my missed opportunities and mistakes. I wonder if I am leading them in the best direction and providing them with what they need to become well-balanced, mature young women who follow Christ. It's not as if they issued an owner's manual with each girl that told us how to handle every situation. Instead we grow together, learn as we all make mistakes, offer forgiveness, and freely share grace along this journey. 

I am far from perfect (aren't we all?). I simply strive to do my best and trust God to fill in the gaps where I fall short. Thankfully my girls don't expect me to be flawless, but are content to know I love them deeply and will try my best to lead them the right way. I pray my imperfections steer them to the perfect God who honored me with the responsibility of being their dad. 

Father's Day

I am so blessed to be a father to three beautiful girls. Today might be a day to celebrate dads, but it's only because I have such incredible daughters and their wonderful mother that I can even be a good father. My heart is full because I have been given far more than I deserve.

My Higher Calling

There is a part of my personality that thrives on making a difference in others. It's the piece of me that gives me vision for reaching people and innovative ideas for ways to make that happen. This is where I draw my inner strength and connectivity that allows me to be part of mission trips, leadership events, middle school camp, and other large events. Even with the amount of work that goes into planning and implementation I find myself energized when I am part of these opportunities.

As much as I come alive during these times of connectivity and influence, I know that I need to find time to counterbalance this output with downtime as well. It's not just about the need for rest and rejuvenation although that is extremely vital after busy weeks. It's the fact that I draw complete satisfaction by being with the people that need me the most-my family. It's in the peace of my own home that I can be made whole through the love of my family, the affection that we share, and the perfection of my calling as husband and father.

I won't give up the part of my calling to reach other people, but I will make sure to place my highest priority at home where it belongs.

Protection Detail

Being a father isn't easy. I want to help my girls develop the maturity to handle situations on their own and yet I want to jump in and keep them safe at all costs. It's a tough balancing act of wanting to hang on to them and letting them go. 

My oldest daughter is heading out to prom and while I am happy for her and this opportunity, part of me wants to grab her and keep her safe in this house with us. It's an urge I had to fight to chase this young man off my porch and whisk her back into the comfortable confines our our family home. While we might protect her a bit longer if we keep her here, it won't help her in the long run. At some point we have to let her and her sisters go and trust that what we've done has been good enough. 

I want to be their protector forever and while I will gladly fill that role when they call, it won't look the same way that it does now. They will figure some things out on their own and will get hurt when they don't make the right decision. They will have regrets, but I am confident that they will also have great successes. I just pray that they know we are here for them whenever they might need us. I'm also grateful that they still need us right now as they learn who they are and who they are becoming. I'm more thankful that even when I can't be there I can trust that the Father who made them will watch over them more carefully than I ever could.

Father's Blessing

As I'm reading in Genesis, I read through the story where Isaac blesses his sons Jacob & Esau as his health is failing. Honestly, their relationship is less than ideal and typifies many rocky family relationships that we would identify with today. Nevertheless, Isaac has a wish to bestow his blessing on them and does so even though his sons aren't exactly bastions of integrity. After receiving his father's blessing Jacob left his home for two decades before returning home in time for his father's death. The thing that struck me is that Isaac didn't wait until his deathbed to bless his children. He gave them God's direction & prayer with time still on the clock.

This is a vivid example for fathers today. It causes us to question the way that we are interacting with our children.

• Are we blessing our children daily or waiting for a sentinel event?
• What words of encouragement, promise, and truth do we speak into their lives each day?
• How are we influencing their perception of God as Father through our attitude towards them?
• What are we waiting for?

There is no time like the present to speak positive life into your children and help set them in a God-focused direction. Don't wait for a graduation, wedding day, or death in the family to give your children a blessing. Positive daily investments produce lifelong blessings.

My Lindsay Bug

Today my oldest daughter turns 14 and I have a difficult time reconciling how quickly it seems that she has reached this point. We had our traditional daddy-daughter breakfast this morning and enjoyed the simple time together. Her birthday present was an iPod touch which she saved for the last year to pay 1/2 of the cost. When we got home after breakfast and gave it to her she chose to wait to set it up so she could go and buy Christmas presents for a child we are sponsoring this year. I couldn't be any prouder of the young lady that she has become.

She is confident in who she is and is able to talk with adults as well as connect with children much younger than her. She is always wanting to help-whether it is bringing in groceries from the car or getting up early on a Saturday to hand out food to those in need. She is beautiful inside and out and I am already prepared to beat the brakes off any young man that approaches her inappropriately. I love her sense of humor, her passion for God, and her little idiosyncrasies that make her uniquely Lindsay. I still love the fact that she will wander in a room and want me to hug her for ten minutes while I stand talking to her mother. I have a hard time believing that I have anything to do with how incredibly awesome she is (her mother deserves most of that credit!) I love her and her sisters more than it should be possible to love other people.

Happy birthday my Lou-bug. I am grateful for you and the privilege of being your father.

The Man I Want to Be

I think quite a bit about the man that I want to be.  Not that I am totally dissatisfied with who I am, but I also know that there is great room for improvement.  I think it is important for me to have that personal vision so that I know what I am working towards.  For accountability and clarification sake I have a short (albeit incomplete) list, in no particular order:

• Financially wise
• Giving & generous
• Even tempered
• Prayerful
• Loving & faithful husband
• Loving father
• Disciplined
• Healthy habits
• Visionary
• Confident in God
• Compassionate

I'm sure that some people could add things to my list, but it is more important to have your own.  It's difficult to go on a journey of discovery and growth if you don't know where you are headed.  So many people flounder in life (both physically & spiritually) because they don't have a clear vision for where they are going.  I see youth and adults continually make bad decisions that cause pain and anguish because they don't have a concept of who they want to become and more importantly, who God desires them to be.

Spending the time to prayerfully consider the person you want to be might seem discouraging when compared to your present state, but I find that it motivates you down the path that God truly wants you to travel.