The Right Desire

While reading this week, I came across this prayer from Thomas Merton, an influential American monk. I connect with his transparency and the way he is able to communicate his raw emotions. I think this kind of authenticity is appealing because it helps to know that we all struggle through different phases of this life.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

At Last

This past weekend a good friend of ours was married. I was honored to be part of their ceremony and share in their commitment to each other. Their story is a beautiful one of patience, trusting in God, and believing in the best for themselves. While there have been many moments where they were unsure of God's plan and timing, I feel confident they would say it was worth the wait.

It's not always easy to trust in God's timing for our lives. I know I am impatient for vision to become reality and struggle with waiting for it to happen. Fortunately, God has a sense of perfect timing and knows when it is best to deliver the answer to our prayers. While we often resist accepting this overall plan, our consistent faith will eventually reveal it's worth the wait.

Trust But Verify

Our old, reliable minivan had to be taken in for repairs this week. This particular repair has been coming for about a month and finally reached a point of needing immediate action. After an initial assessment at a friend’s shop we believed it was going to be close to a $500 repair. I dropped it off at another mechanic and mentioned to him the suspected issue which he noted, but also said he would do his own investigation before doing any work.

I expected this to take a few days, but was called about an hour later to come pick it up. It ended up not being a major repair, but a simple cracked hose causing all of the problems. If it wasn’t for the willingness of this honest owner to check for himself, we would have ended up with a very expensive bill that still wouldn’t have fixed the problem.

The willingness to check things out for yourself is an admirable and wise quality. Sometimes we adopt what other people say and think without determining whether it’s true. We accept popular opinion or common themes of thinking and neglect to figure out if it fits our value system. I don’t think we need to actively doubt what anyone has to say, but we do need to make sure it aligns with who we are and what we believe. This isn’t a matter of not trusting other people as much as it is a need to verify what we allow to be part of our lives.

Anxious Thoughts

I’ve been known to worry now and then. I don’t feel like I let it consume me (although my wife might say otherwise) but there are certainly times when I am more anxiously concerned than others.

I worry about what people think of me, whether I am making the right choice for my family’s future, about parenting decisions and how it affects my children, and whether I’m doing a good job in my calling. We also have three daughters who will all be in college in the next three years, vehicles to replace, and other financial thoughts for our future. Then there’s the (not so) distant idea of weddings and the next challenges of parenting adults. In retrospect, perhaps I do worry a touch more than I originally thought.

Some days it can be easy to get caught up in anxiety and all it entails. I certainly can’t solve all of those concerns right now. Perhaps I can calm my mind by asking a simple question:

Do I trust God to give me what I need for right now?

I can try to plan effectively and be wise with what I choose, but at some point I have to learn to trust God and believe in His provision. I don’t think it means I shouldn’t think about the future, but my trust in Him should help me to stop worrying about it quite so much.

Speak Up

We are all affected by words spoken to us. How we react depends greatly on who is doing the speaking. If it is a complete stranger it will probably not have as great of an impact. On the other hand, if we are close to the person their words will carry more weight. If this is an individual that we respect, we will listen more carefully even if what they share is very difficult to hear.

This should be an active part of our path to maturity as we seek out wise counsel and invite others to be part of our life's journey. We need to develop trusting relationships with people and then give them the freedom to speak into our lives. This is not always an easy process and it certainly doesn't happen quickly. Instead, we build this level of helpful communication through shared lives and the willingness to work through easy and difficult trials. In a mutual relationship this is one of the most beneficial pieces of personal growth.

To whom do you give freedom to speak into your life? How have they earned that right over time?

Owning It

I wrote yesterday about the ill-fated decision of the Seahawks that cost them their second consecutive title. While that choice is still being ripped to shreds by many I have to give Head Coach Pete Carroll credit for standing tall. He didn't try to pass the blame off any his players or assistant coaches. Pete quickly took credit for the decision and accepted any responsibility that comes with it.

This is what good leaders do. They don't try to place the blame on others around them or avoid any responsibility for their poor choices. As difficult as it may be, they step up to receive the negative criticism and admit their contribution to the mess. This type of transparency builds respect with the team you work with and strengthens loyalty. Any other response would erode those relationships and weaken the foundation of the team.

As a leader you won't always make the right decision, but you can always choose to take responsibility for your choices.

Desires

Thomas Merton was a 20th century Trappist monk who wrote about spirituality while being transparent about his own struggles and pursuit of God. I am reading through one of his books, An Invitation to the Contemplative Life, as part of my own growth plan for this year. He wrote a passage about his own journey of following God and I couldn't have expressed my own thoughts any more clearly than he has.

I Will Trust You Always

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. 

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. 

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Coincidentally

I don't believe in coincidences, but in the sovereign plan of God that is always right on time. I've seen so much evidence in my own life of details coming together that I can't attribute it to chance. To  be honest, the statistical odds on things repeatedly coming together at just the right moment are astronomical. On the other hand, to assume that the universe is pulling strings merely for my benefit is demeaning to an all-powerful & all-loving God.

For this all to make sense and for us to find peace in uncertain times, I need to believe that there is a greater plan in play. There is a destiny and purpose that our world is moving rapidly towards and God is working all of the details out for the good of those that love Him. This doesn't mean that I comprehend it all and can even see all of the pieces that are in motion. It does mean that I have put my trust in a God who always seems to bring things together in a way that rejuvenates my faith and validates my confidence in Him. I'll gladly stake a claim on that kind of faith instead of occasional coincidences.

A Common Focus

I'm encouraged tonight by the group of over 500 people that gathered in worship. There were multiple churches represented as we met to benefit a local charity and work together for a cause. The diversity of talent was impressive and it was all enriched by our shared concern for others. Tonight was proof that we need to continue to seek out ways to work together.

We need to continue to practice mutual respect as we honor each other's differences. It's vital for the future of our community that the shared attitude of this event is not restricted to a few events a year. If we intend to come together to transform lives, heal old wounds, build trust, and restore relationships it is essential to make this a permanent value. I have high hopes for the future of our area and pray that we will continue to strive to make this unity a priority.

Always

There is a word that I caution people not to use when they are dealing with conflict or going through counseling. It is the word, "always" as in "You always say that" or "You always ignore me!" It can be a very unhealthy word in conflict resolution and can come across as extremely accusatory. When used in the wrong context it's a word without patience and grace. Even if it's used in a positive light, it's not completely accurate since none of us are constant enough in our reactions and character to make this 100% true.

I do know that it is a word that I can use to describe God. His nature does not change and His desire to rescue His children never fades. He has promised to be our refuge and that if we are faithful enough to ask for help He will answer. God doesn't necessarily answer in my timing or in the fashion that I would hope, but I do know with complete certainty that He will not abandon His people. When we accept that truth, there is peace that comes with a sense of certainty.

We sang a song today called, "Always" that speaks of that confidence and that God will always hold to His promises. I watched as people were deeply moved by the words of this song, not because of the excellence of the band, but because of the truth of the words that were sung. They resonate deeply within us as we all need a promise to hang onto when our circumstances seem to be constantly shifting. When we say that God will always be there for us it changes our outlook and lets us know where to go in our time of need.

Fuzzy Future Vision

ESPN has a unique game on their website called, Streak for the Cash. It's an interactive event where you predict the outcome of various sporting events and try to build a winning streak. There is a cash reward at the end of the month for the longest active streak and for the most "wins" in a month. I don't participate in it regularly, but was a bit more active in it when it first began.

I consider myself fairly educated in most sporting events and thought that I might be able to rattle off a predictive winning streak. Sadly, my general enthusiasm for sports didn't translate into a pattern of fortune-telling. I never accurately predicted more than 5-6 in a row and my overall record is hovering right around the .500 mark. In theory, I would have just as much success flipping a coin as I do trying to figure out who will win the next event.

The truth is that we live in a world of uncertainty. We do not know what will happen next. We can predict some small things, but no one knows when a diagnosis of cancer will hit us, when tragedy will strike, or when seemingly stable things become volatile. I can allow myself to get frustrated by my poor forecasting or I can recognize my limitations and place my confidence where it belongs. The only accurate predictor of the future is God and since He is never caught off guard it would benefit me to trust Him with my present and my future. I certainly can't guarantee what will happen beyond this immediate moment, but I can at least be comforted in being close to the One that knows and works for my good.

Protection Detail

Being a father isn't easy. I want to help my girls develop the maturity to handle situations on their own and yet I want to jump in and keep them safe at all costs. It's a tough balancing act of wanting to hang on to them and letting them go. 

My oldest daughter is heading out to prom and while I am happy for her and this opportunity, part of me wants to grab her and keep her safe in this house with us. It's an urge I had to fight to chase this young man off my porch and whisk her back into the comfortable confines our our family home. While we might protect her a bit longer if we keep her here, it won't help her in the long run. At some point we have to let her and her sisters go and trust that what we've done has been good enough. 

I want to be their protector forever and while I will gladly fill that role when they call, it won't look the same way that it does now. They will figure some things out on their own and will get hurt when they don't make the right decision. They will have regrets, but I am confident that they will also have great successes. I just pray that they know we are here for them whenever they might need us. I'm also grateful that they still need us right now as they learn who they are and who they are becoming. I'm more thankful that even when I can't be there I can trust that the Father who made them will watch over them more carefully than I ever could.

The Hardest Task

I've had several different jobs in my life ranging from outdoor maintenance to fast food, telemarketer, professional theater, caterer, waiter, manager, teacher, athletic trainer, and pastor. They all have had their inherent challenges and levels of difficulty. i honestly say however, that the most challenging thing I have ever undertaken is the role of a parent.

Nothing stretches my prayer life more, reorients my thinking, or teaches me patience like being a father.There is a constant balance between my initial reaction and what is actually best for our kids. I carefully consider my responses to new circumstances as I think of what is best for them and what I should do to help prepare them for their future. We are striving to teach them the better way to make personal life choices and to carefully consider where the path they choose will lead them.

I do worry about them and not because they are "bad children." I worry like any other parent would about the influences that will be around them and the constant questions that I ask of myself: did we do the right things in raising them to prepare them for this world? Did we show them enough of the beauty of the world around them that they can see all the wonder there is to experience? Did we give them enough confidence to be who God has created them to be? Will the hold fast to their upbringing in Christ and deny the influence of those that would pull them off of this path? Through our flawed parenting and many (many) mistakes have we done the best we can to set them up for God's preferred future for them?

I can't completely answer those questions. I do know that my wife & I trust that God will fill the gap between our hopes & the reality of what we have done. It's the best we can do as parents.

No Clue

I don't know what I'm doing. That used to be harder for me to admit, but I am starting to get used to that simple fact. It may seem defeatist to some people, but I choose to recognize it as a sign of my weakness and and the possibility of God's strength in action. 

If I'm honest with myself I can see this in the different roles in my life:

• Christ-follower: struggling to live a life of purity and devotion to my Father & King and making it a consistent part of my character

• Pastor: listening intently to God's direction and yet always cautious of what the exact next steps are as we seek to expand our influence and reach more lost people

• Father: understanding my impact on three young ladies and knowing that what I say, do, and think will not only shape them, but the men they choose to spend the rest of their lives with. How am I loving them as God does and helping to prepare them for their future in Him?

• Husband: thinking of her emotions and thoughts first & wanting to lead her to a growing relationship with Christ. It is a heavy responsibility to be the spiritual leader in our home and to understand the impact of my attitude, words, and personal spiritual health on her.

There is the potential of great frustration when you realize you aren't sure what to do next for the best possible impact and influence. I instead choose to look at it as the chance to trust God and allow Him to direct my steps. It sets up a powerful opportunity to see my faith increase as I have no choice but to rely on God's direction and plan to see a chance at success.

Hard to See

I was driving home and listening to ESPN radio the other day and the talk show hosts were talking about a recent decision made by Mitch Kuptchak, the general manager of the LA Lakers. His choice was being over analyzed by countless outsiders as they debated his wisdom and ability to plan for the future. The best commentary was provided by a reporter calling in on one of the shows. He simply said, " It's easier to play Mitch Kupchak than it is to be Mitch Kupchak."

We often rush to make judgments on other people's decisions without understanding all of their reasoning. While it's true that people will sometimes make poor decisions (even with all the facts in hand) we still can't completely comprehend the weight of their thought process. I've discovered (especially in recent years) that leaders of healthy, successful organizations have to make difficult choices that may not be readily accepted or understood by everyone else.  Successfully leading an organization requires a great deal of vision and the ability to make tough decisions after weighing all the options. Leaders are willing to take a risk that will better their organization even if that isn't readily apparent to outsiders. We can choose to be overly critical of every move or show some grace to our leaders by trusting the careful thought & prayer they have invested in a difficult choice. It's a conscious choice to be an encouraging follower instead of a negative critic.

To Trust or Not to Trust

Do I trust God?

There are sentinel moments in my life when I have answered this question in the affirmative. When I chose to follow Christ, when I left Nashville and the restaurant business to teach high school, as I left MHS to enter into ministry, and when we departed Florida for a new life in Georgia my answer was obvious. I trusted God when my wife was diagnosed with cancer and when we found out we were pregnant and were unsure about the health of our child and my wife. There are these momentous occasions when I can stand and say, "Yes! I do trust You God!" 

The true depth of our trust is not found in the leaps of faith however, but in the daily discipline of life. We reveal how much we trust God by the thoughts that we allow to dominate our mind and flow out into our speech. We show our trust through our prioritized tasks and goals for career & family. We reveal our trust in the intimate moments of integrity that shine a bright light on our true character. 

Trust in God is discovered more in day-to-day life than in triumph and tragedy. It's the small moments that build a foundation on which the grander decisions can be made.

Trusting in God doesn't mean that He gives you everything you want & ask for. Trusting doesn't mean that you agree with everything that happens as God answers your prayers. It does mean that you have more confidence in His provision for you than in your own ability to discern what you need. It's revealed through the small moments that build a foundation on which grander life decisions are made. Trusting God means that you submit to His will and honor Him regardless of your circumstances.

Do I trust God? I answer that question every day through the way I live.

Two for Flinching

We have a white mutt of a dog named Zeddie. He is a rescue dog that our family adopted from friends several years ago. He had obviously been abused and most likely by men (based on his reaction to any man that comes around.) Even after all of these years of living with us (and countless affectionate scratching) he cowers when I approach him. I don't really blame him--it's now a natural reaction from his past. Trust was broken in him a long time before we had him and this protective mechanism has  become the pattern of his life. 

It's not a whole lot different with us. When our trust has been betrayed we no longer feel safe. Whether it was mistreatment at the hands of family members, a relationship destroyed due to infidelity, or our attempt at honesty being quickly and severely dismissed, the result is the same. The sad side effect is that it also impacts our relationship with God. We wonder how He could have possibly let this happen to us and we shrink back when He approaches us because we question His motives. It's an unfortunate projection of human failings on an imperfect God who desires intimacy with His children. 

The only way to battle through it is to take the risk of letting God reach out to our bruised and battered spirits. Taking that first step might be one of the hardest things we'll ever do, but I know from experience that we won't regret it. The touch of a loving Father heals our brokenness and fills us with hope when we can't seem to find it anywhere. 

Frightful Future

As an incredibly blessed father of three girls, I recognize the need to spend time with each of them. We do lots of different things together as a family, but I also work to carve out special individual time. I took my oldest daughter out for coffee today to take advantage of a (mostly) day off. We hadn't done this in a while and we had some things we needed to talk about. She is a freshman in high school and we realize that the teenage years won't be with us for long. As we enjoyed the Starbucks ambiance and our caffeinated beverages, we talked about upcoming trips and the things we could do help her prepare for college. She readily admitted that she wasn't quite ready for that leap yet and the thought of the future actually scared her a bit. My first responsive thought was to say, "Me too kiddo."

The future is a bit scary. I don't know that what we have done as parents is going to be good enough to prepare our girls for what we will face. I have no idea what the specific details of God's plan for our family are--I don't even know what house we will be living in by summertime at this point. There is so much in front of us that is risky, adventure filled, and generally unknown. The good news is that we follow the lead of a Master who promises to bring us the best and to work all things out for our good as a reflection of our love for Him and His for us. When you trust the One who is leading, the future is still unknown, but not quite as frightening.

The "T" Word

Trust is a precious commodity. It is essential for healthy relationships, takes years to build up, and can be lost in a few moments. We struggle with intimacy when we don't share in that trust with other people and will lack depth in our relationship with God as a result. The lack of trust damages marriages, alienates children from parents, builds walls of resistance between friends & co-workers, and insulates us from meaningful contact. This dearth of trust means that we hide what we truly feel and are unwilling to be transparent. Our pride (and history) set up barriers that prevent the genuine expression of human struggle and prevent us from grasping  what's most important for all of us--grace. 

That's the key to trust--the ability to believe enough in God's grace and that He offers it to us even though we don't deserve it. Our disbelief in this premise not only prevents us from fully engaging in God's gift, but keeps us from coming alongside others and being authentic in our journey of faith.

We're here in this together and nothing will change that. Let's start building trust with each other so we can get to the bigger picture of God's grace for everyone. That's the message that will transform our communities.

Not Our Call

In difficult situations or when we just don't know what else to do we will often turn to prayer. We find ourselves asking God for solutions or to simply give us the specific solution we are asking for. While He has promised to always listen to His people, He hasn't guaranteed what His answer will be. In my personal & ministry experience I have found that God will either change our circumstances or He will change our hearts. For our faith to progress we have to learn to be content with letting Him decide which is the better option.