Becoming Clear

"Muddy water becomes clear if you only let it be still for a while.” Dallas Willard

Have you ever faced a confusing or difficult situation and jumped into action only to make it worse? Our desire to make things right or to force an outcome leads us to stir things up when the better choice might be to let them settle instead. 

Part of my natural reaction is to want to fix things. When I see something out of alignment I want to make it right. I don’t think this is a terrible trait, but I have discovered (often the hard way) that making decisions and taking action before things are clear doesn’t always end well. My eagerness has often led me to moving prematurely before fully understanding what’s really happening.

Over the last decade I’ve learned to pause before jumping into situations and asserting myself. As a person of action that hasn’t been an easy habit to develop but has been honed through many difficult life lessons. This is something each of us can develop if we are committed to change. Over time we can then make the conscious decision to pause, take a deep breath, and carefully examine the situation before deciding what to do.

The habit of patient contemplation is often underrated. Allow yourself time and space to think when things are overwhelming and you are unsure. Learning to be still in our thoughts and actions makes the next step more clear.

Pick Up Your Head

One of the most useful tools developed in the last decade is the smart phone. I will admit I have a difficult time imagining how to get work done without one. It's also incredibly useful for my personal life and helps me keep track of important items and reminders. They have also become a handy distraction for when we have to wait. It only takes a minute or two waiting in a line before we pull our phones out and start scrolling through social media, texting someone, or playing a game. While this might seem to help pass the time, I think it can actually be a detriment to real relationships.

I think we've forgotten how to engage in conversations. I think we've neglected the art of being in a moment. Our first reaction when we are forced to wait is to escape to some other place. What if we stopped in those lengthy moments and noticed the people around us? What are we missing out on because our faces are pointed downwards towards our devices? I don't intend this to be a rant against technology because in truth, I am a big fan of technology and find it to be extremely useful. I can only speak from the personal conviction I feel to not jump to my phone when I have a moment of inaction.

Put down your phone and engage in the life around you.

Getting Credit

This year in the NBA has been enjoyable to watch for many reasons, but especially for the potentially record-setting season of the Golden State Warriors. As a team, they have improved tremendously even after winning the title last year. It’s been fun to watch and I would love to see them go all the way again and make history.

Their head coach (in his second season leading the team) is Steve Kerr. Due to a complication from back surgery, Steve had to miss the first half of the season and his associate coach, Luke Walton led the team. While Luke was coaching, the team set a record for the best start to a season and were 39-4 before Steve returned to coach. In an interesting twist to NBA rules however, these wins and losses don’t go to Luke’s coaching record, but to Steve Kerr’s. Even though he did an excellent job of leading the team he doesn’t receive official credit for the victories.

Genuinely great leaders aren’t focused on getting credit, but on team success. They recognize the need to build for the long term without focusing on padding their own resume. Maintaining a humble attitude will eventually lead to rewards even if that isn’t the overall goal. This is the kind of leader people want to follow and work hard for.

Competing Noise

My wife was sitting on the couch watching television while I was making a smoothie earlier today. The sound of the blender was drowning out her program and making it difficult to watch. I realized she had paused Netflix when I couldn't hear anything coming from the living room. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me she didn't want to try and compete with the blender's volume and would wait until I was done before she resumed watching. She made sure I knew she wasn't upset about it and she didn't want to get into a battle of volumes, but would wait for the right time.

How often do discussions and differing opinions become battles of escalating volume? We feel the need to speak our thoughts and will do so regardless of what other people are sharing. Adding multiple voices on top of each other creates a cacophony of noise resulting in a lack of clarity and decreased feelings of personal value. 

There is a way to find an equal opportunity to share, but it will require an attitude of patient humility and a willingness to listen. Choosing to wait your turn isn't just polite. It's the only way we can engage each other while appreciating the value of what someone else has to say.

Stop and Go

When I was a kid we would play a game called, "red light, green light." The objective was to reach the target before anybody else by dashing forward when "green light" was called out and coming to a screeching halt when "red light" was declared. It was a game of speed and maneuverability that could be played without props or preparation. The only thing stopping you from reaching the target was the quick voice calling for a red light moment.

I feel as if I am still playing that game every time I drive. In fact, my wife likes to (gently) harass me when I mutter under my breath whenever I am stopped at a red light. It is certainly a matter of inconvenience that shining green light giving me the right of way had to change to red and stop my momentum. These unplanned traffic stops are disrupting the rhythm of my travel and slowing down my arrival. They truly feel like an affront to my personal schedule. How dare these lights interfere with my plans? It's not as if other people pull up to a light and need to move forward before I do.

Perhaps this frustration focused on stop-and-go action reveals more about my obsession with my own schedule than anything else. My agenda isn't necessarily more important than other people's schedule. It might be more important for me to take a deep breath and simply wait my turn. This shift in attitude won't get me to my destination more quickly, but it will make the journey a little less stressful.

No Shortcuts

There are two variations on the most popular question asked on road trips. At some point in the journey you can expect to hear, "Are we there yet?" and/or "How much longer?" I recognize part of this is an excitement about arriving at our destination, but there is also an element of bored impatience behind these questions. Instead of enjoying the act of traveling we become consumed with the end of the trip.

I don't suppose this attitude is any different for the rest of our life's journey either. We are zoned in on arriving at big milestones and forget to enjoy what happens along the way. Sometimes we are rushing towards these positive moments (graduation, wedding, birth, promotions) and neglect the joy of the process of getting there. Even when we deal with painful situations we eagerly anticipate the solution and want things to be resolved quickly. While our desire to be relieved of pain is understandable, this ignores what we can learn by persevering through the process of healing.

While all of life may not seem joyful, there is much to be learned in the process of living. When we rush to get to celebrations or strain ahead to move past pain we are neglecting some of the sweetest and most memorable parts of life. No matter what our intent is we can't shortcut the process of growth. We are all required to travel the full path of life and sometimes it takes longer than we think it should. Take pleasure in the entire journey because this moment has something unique to offer.

At Last

This past weekend a good friend of ours was married. I was honored to be part of their ceremony and share in their commitment to each other. Their story is a beautiful one of patience, trusting in God, and believing in the best for themselves. While there have been many moments where they were unsure of God's plan and timing, I feel confident they would say it was worth the wait.

It's not always easy to trust in God's timing for our lives. I know I am impatient for vision to become reality and struggle with waiting for it to happen. Fortunately, God has a sense of perfect timing and knows when it is best to deliver the answer to our prayers. While we often resist accepting this overall plan, our consistent faith will eventually reveal it's worth the wait.

I Don't Know

Our staff meets daily to have a brief devotional thought and pray together as we get the day started. I shared something this morning that has been rolling around in my mind for a while. I had to admit it wasn't a complete and neatly summed up thought however. It really centered around a couple of questions and concepts I had been pondering, but didn't have complete answers to. Even though I didn't supply any valid solutions, it led to a great discussion as we each contributed without ever landing on one perfect answer.

Not everything can be answered quickly and easily and I'm learning to be okay with that. I tend to think by asking questions, but I'm also learning the value of meditating on those questions without coming to an immediate resolution. It requires patience and a willingness to wrestle with thoughts even if the pace is slower and more difficult than I might hope. For someone who likes to accomplish things this isn't an easy process, but I'm discovering great growth in the journey even if it takes me longer to get to my destination than I might desire.

Don't Rush It

My family (and the rest of our mission team) will be in Arizona a week from now. We've been planning this trip for months and will soon find ourselves out west once again. There is a palpable energy of anticipation among the team as all our preparation becomes reality very soon. It's an exciting time to look forward to and while I want to get there quickly, I also don't want the experience to be over too soon. 

It's a regular part of human nature to want time to speed up to get us to the exciting things and then for it to slow down once we arrive there. Sadly, that isn't the way it works. Instead, we've got to be patient in the preparation and planning and enjoy the moments as long as they last. Hurrying through parts of our life will cause us to miss something important. Even if we repeat an event (like a yearly mission trip) each year is unique enough to merit its own special attention.

Just Wait a Minute

I meet a friend of mine each Tuesday morning for coffee and conversation. It's an important part of the week for both of us as men striving to stay on God's path for our lives. We are both early morning people so we meet at a local coffee shop when they open at 5:30. Inevitably, I am there a few minutes early and sit in my car waiting for them to open.

A truck pulled in next to me today and the driver got out to walk up the door. It was just a few minutes before they normally open for business and when the guy tugged on the door it was still locked. The disgust on his face was obvious as he walked away, got in his truck, and peeled out. Naturally, as soon as he drove away they opened the doors right on time. In his haste, he missed his opportunity.

How many times are we in a hurry and cause ourselves to miss an opportunity? We might feel like it needs to be presented to us at the exact moment that we want it, but we don't always get to dictate when events occur. If we are willing to show a little patience we might even find that we don't have to wait long for something to happen. When we aren't able to wait, we might miss our chance by just a few minutes. A little perseverance can be fruitful.

Little By Little

And I will send hornets before you, which shall drive out (your enemies) from before you. I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you. Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land. Exodus 23:28-30

I like to see change take place, but I also like it to happen at a decent pace. I understand that some things take time and you have to be respectful of the process. I just get genuinely excited about the potential of the future and want to see things happen. It's a good thing God is wiser than me in these moments. 

While I am praying for newness and working hard to make it happen, God makes sure His timeline is the one that takes precedence. Much like the Israelites, God knows what I am capable of handling and He sees layers of complexity that I couldn't imagine. God tells me the same thing He shared back then, "I could give it to you all at once but you couldn't handle it." 

The step-by-step, patient path isn't the easiest to follow, but it's the best one. I'm going to keep trusting His timing and plan over mine. After all, He's got the advantage in perspective.

Grace Period

Our youth pastor & his wife attended a conference last month and heard a speaker share the following phrase concerning teenagers, "Don't judge a book by its cover or by the first few chapters." It's an encouragement to be part of the transformation process for youth and not make concrete judgments about who they are at an early age. It's a reminder that our youth are a work in progress and we need to show them some grace through their growth.

It's actually pretty good advice for all of us. I don't think it just applies to our early years of life, but also the formative years of many life seasons. I'm glad that many parts of my life are not defined only by the first few years: my marriage, my parenting, my development as a man, and my role in ministry. Instead it's a good reminder that we are all (hopefully) a work in progress and we all need a little grace. Sometimes (especially early in development) we need that grace even more.

Questioning

I believe in the power of a well-timed, well-phrased question. It has the ability to draw people close together, to bring insightful clarity, and to communicate interested concern. There are two keys that make the art of question & answer effective.


1. Ask the right question.

2. Listen intently to the answer.


You will never get the answer you are looking for if you ignore either one of these.

Stoppage Time

I was sitting at a red light in Macon today while visiting some people and looked ahead to see a string of green lights down the road. There wasn't any traffic coming through my intersection and yet my light had not turned green. I suppose that I could have gone forward to the lights that were in my favor, but there would have been consequences for my impatience.

It's a powerful leadership illustration as well. We might see possibilities farther down the road, but we are currently stopped for some reason. It might be a place of learning, an opportunity for maturity, or the right time to develop patience and perseverance. We can choose to ignore the signal to stop as we look for success, but there are consequences for trying to shortcut the process of developing opportunity. Even though it might appear that our path is clear farther ahead there is still great value in where we are right now.

Don't ignore the power of the present for the enticing appearance of the future.

Slow Pace

I was driving down the road the other day behind a driver going 10 miles below speed limit. As often happens in these circumstances, I found myself getting aggravated at the slow pace. I couldn't understand why someone would willingly choose to drive that slow on a somewhat busy road. Didn't they have somewhere to be? Didn't they realize that those numbers on the sign were supposed to be the lower limit of our traveling speed? 

The truth is that I wasn't late for another appointment and in fact, i wasn't even really in a hurry. It was really about the fact that I was being inconvenienced by slow driving. Things were not happening at the pace that I would have preferred for them to happen.

Doesn't that describe us in many phases of our lives? Our change in physical discipline isn't producing the quick weight results we desire, our efforts to change our relationships aren't working fast enough, our increased productivity isn't bringing that job promotion we've been eyeballing, and our prayer and Scripture reading hasn't changed our faith like we want it to do. The world around us isn't moving at the pace we want and we're aggravated about it. 

The truth is that I can't make some things speed up. No matter how much I want to see things move more quickly, sometimes that tempo is just going to be slow. I can either stay aggravated because life isn't fitting into my carefully crafted agenda or I can enjoy the slower pace while recognizing that things are still progressing.

Short Term Payoff

We spent the whole day painting in the house we are moving into next week. It's a tedious task, but a necessary one to get the rooms prepped before we move. The truth is that I enjoy painting because it's a way to see the immediate results of my work.

I don't realistically expect that everything I put my effort into will immediately produce results. In fact, there are many worthwhile things that can only be seen through consistent efforts and regular focus. When all of your efforts are invested in producing long-term results however, it's important to find something that brings an immediate payoff of satisfaction. It can be found in the simplicity of mowing a lawn, pressure washing a sidewalk, or painting a room. These are tasks with a quick return on investment. They are important ways to find a short term reward while keeping your focus on producing the long-term results that need patience over the long haul.

Not Yet

I've done a lot of reading and thinking today. I've been challenged to process my steps toward the future and to determine the next best steps to get there. I can honestly say that while this has been stimulating (and mostly positive) I still don't have completely concrete answers. I would love to write a blog about the process of thinking and how I was able to turn this into positive action steps. The truth is that I'm not there yet. I am still working my way through things and I am comfortable enough with this part of my growth process to be patient.

Some days can still be called productive even if the only thing that really happened was a slight adjustment. Much like me, it's still a work in progress and I'm very good with that.

No Shortcuts

"Our tendency as human beings is to favor the quick over the slow, the cheap over the expensive, and the easy over the difficult. That’s why we often seek the fastest shortcut to the biggest bang." Brad Lomenick


It's only in the most rare of circumstances that success comes quickly. For genuine, satisfactory success there is a great deal of patience, learning, failure, and character shaping that lead to that point. It requires a vision for our future, identifying the pathway to achieve it, and the hard work of preparation and personal molding to make it a reality.

I believe that success doesn't come to everyone because of the length of the process to find it. We tend to be impatient people who want results immediately after our efforts. It's a reflection of the microwave culture we live in--expecting instantaneous results for minimal effort. The most worthwhile things are worth waiting for and we'll value them even more after our sustained, often lengthy, efforts.

Wait Time

When I worked in the restaurant business we would often have put customers on a waiting list for a table. It was a sign of healthy, consistent business when all our tables were full and people were still willing to wait to see when they could eat. One of the keys to keeping customers happy was to ensure that the actual wait time did not exceed the predicted wait time. In fact, we would often overestimate the delayed seating by a few minutes so that our guests would be pleased when a predicted 20 minute wait was only 15 minutes. Conversely, people would be very upset when a forecast of 20 minutes became 25 instead.

What's our reaction when it takes longer for something to happen in our lives than we anticipated? 

• The answer to our desperate prayer for healing isn't answered quickly enough. 
• God doesn't show us the next step He is asking us to take even though we keep asking what to do. 
• The mending of broken relationships seems to be moving at a crawl. 
• Trust that has been destroyed is being rebuilt in very small steps. 
• A solution to a problem either hasn't materialized or seems to be taking too long for our own preferences. 
• An area that needs growth isn't maturing as fast as we might have hoped.

There will always be a period of waiting and we won't always understand why. Our willingness to believe in God's deliverance and timing by reacting in patient maturity will reveal the depth of our trust.

Refusing to Settle

I was driving today and listening to ESPN radio (as I almost always do) and overheard an interview with Jim Mora, Head Football Coach at UCLA. He was hired before last season and charged with bringing their football program back to a point of championship contention. He was being asked about the upcoming season and said, "We are building something. It won't happen immediately, but it will last." This is obviously a man that is able to see the big picture of what he is doing at UCLA. It's not about winning more games than the year before, but about building a program of integrity and excellence that will contend each year for championships and develop young men of character.

Sadly, in our own lives, we quit before we see the results of our hard work. This reveals our desire for instant gratification instead of having the patient perseverance to develop over time. Part of this is a lack of understanding of where we are trying to go & what we are working to build. We have to understand that when we are investing in our futures we can't expect an immediate payoff--in fact, there may be short-term setbacks that are setting us up for long-term success. 

The truth is that we want something that lasts longer than a season. It's a reflection of our desire to be part of legacy of tremendous value. Understanding and implementing this approach is the difference between visionary and mediocre leadership.