Everybody Wants to Be a Hero

The end of the current NBA season will also see the conclusion of the career of Kobe Bryant as he  retires after 20 years. He has spent his entire career playing for the LA Lakers and has been widely regarded as one of the most competitive and intense players of all time. Kobe was always able to back it up on the court and finishes his career with five championships, multiple awards, and as the third all-time leading scorer. He hasn’t always been well-received for a number of different reasons—some of them for his exploits off the court as much as on.

I heard an interview with Kobe last week where he was asked about the reception he is now receiving from opposing crowds and teams. With his career winding down, they are showing great appreciation for his spectacular play when that wasn’t always the case. He was asked specifically about being a villain to many fans for the past 20 years and how he handles now being treated as a hero. He essentially answered by saying we all are both the hero and the villain. It all depends on the individual person’s perspective.

That’s a powerful statement to meditate on. I can definitely see how it applies to athletics—the home team is going to celebrate your competitiveness while the opposition won’t have the same appreciation. I can see how it happens in leadership as well when certain tough decisions may benefit those who celebrate and be harder on those who might vilify you. It certainly happens in parenting depending on the circumstances and the tone of the conversation and whether discipline is involved.

Can we accept playing both roles depending on the situation? I will confess I always want to be a hero, but that aspiration doesn’t always help me when making hard choices. I don’t want to intentionally be a villain, but there are going to be times when we have to learn to be okay with not saving the day.

Closing the Gap

One of my favorite things to do on previous mission trips to Arizona was to take groups hiking in Box Canyon. It is a decent two-mile hike down to the bottom with decent trails, some challenging alternative routes, and fresh cold water on the canyon floor. While the main trail isn't too difficult to climb down the other routes require much more agility. Some times you were left with a sizable gap between safe climbing rocks that would require you stretch to bridge the gap or choose another route. There was a tension of adrenaline as you wondered if you could make the leap or just choose to stay where you are.

I think we deal with a similar tension when we face the gap between our self-perception and our self-ideal. This is a tension separating our idea of who we presently are and the person we think we should be. Depending on the size of that gap this can be a frightening concept to manage. We can either be discouraged by the distance and slide into negative behaviors or rise to the challenge and find a way to cross that chasm. It really reflects our desire for maturity over our doubts and fears.

Last Kid Standing

When I was a kid I was always picked last for sports activities. I was short, had big glasses, and wasn't very athletic. Any game that involved picking captains and choosing sides was a nightmare event for me. Sadly, that included most PE activities in elementary and junior high school-especially the dreaded daily game of kickball. There is nothing quite like the pit-in-your-stomach feeling whenever the teacher would announce it was time to pick teams. It was a situation I knew I couldn’t change because I was never going to to be given the chance to prove I was better than they thought. Each person picked before me reinforced the same message: we don’t want you on our team because you’re not good enough.

Physically I’m not the same scrawny, bespectacled kid waiting dejectedly while everyone around me is chosen. That doesn’t mean I’ve kicked that feeling entirely aside either. This is something that carries over into adulthood and periodically stirs up feelings birthed in those moments of exclusion. I admit I still fear rejection and often feel the need to earn favor and position with people. It can become a trap of never believing I am good enough on my own merits, but have to somehow convince people to pick me for their team.

I recognize this internal battle and work fervently to diminish its effect on me. I believe it’s why I’m so drawn to the idea of new beginnings and the constant power of grace. Grace reminds me I don’t have to be good enough to receive it. My value as a person is not reduced based on what others might think of me or how I perceive myself based on my past. Grace is God’s reminder to me that I have value because He loves me. It’s God’s way of choosing me first for kickball not because of what I can do, but simply because He wants me on His team.

I’m learning to be grateful for that grace even when I don’t completely understand it.

Known: I Am Enough

We carry far too many labels. We identify ourselves by our physical characteristics and our abilities. We carry the label of our past and present mistakes, hurtful words spoken over us, and failed expectations. Our life history can burden us with hurts from a painful family background and bullying. Those that we trust and respect can obliterate our confidence in minutes with words and actions that never seem to leave us. It can leave us feeling like we can't measure up to the right standard-that we will never be good enough. This is the ultimate label of discouragement and hopelessness.

It takes a certain point of confident maturity to cast aside these ill-fitting labels and grasp who we really are. It's a crisis of identity that prevents us from forging ahead and fulfilling the purpose that God has given us. This is an important step in our own faith development when we can confidently say, "I am enough." It is a statement that affirms who God intends us to be while casting aside the lies and mislabeling that derail us from the right path.

Balancing Act

In my own personal struggles with self-esteem (the condition that men don't talk about) I've been at both ends of the confidence spectrum. I've gone through periods in life where I allowed my ego to over-inflate to the extreme detriment of the relationships in my life. My out-of-control pride ruined friendships, damaged working relationships, and alienated people that care for me. I've also endured tough stretches where I felt that I was of no use to anyone at all. It didn't matter how much people encouraged me or tried to reason with me. I simply felt that I wasn't worthy enough to lead a discussion much less lead my family or an organization. Neither one of these perspectives is healthy.

Fluctuating from thinking too highly of myself to thinking too lowly of myself doesn't provide a stable ground for accurate personal assessment and growth. Instead it's best for all of us to find a balance of being aware of our strengths and weaknesses while maturing in humility. We're certainly better company when we can do this and we'll be healthier overall with a more realistic viewpoint of who we are.

What's Your Value?

By what measure do we determine our self worth? For most of us it's found in two outcomes: the

things we do & the things we don't do. When we do something positive (achieve a goal, buy gifts for our family, take part in community service, refrain from sin) we feel better about who we are. When we do something negative (yell at our kids, slip back into bad habits, ignore people around us) we feel worse about who we are. Essentially we set up a self-value that is based upon our behavioral choices. While this might work in some respects in the physical world, it creates an inaccurate picture of our standing with God.

I believe that one of the most difficult things for us to realize is that God doesn't base His estimation of us on our behavior. There is no cosmic, supernatural scale where God weighs our daily choices and then decides whether to show His love and answer our prayers. We are completely loved regardless of our actions (even though we confuse consequences with God's disdain.) His love and our value in His eyes are constant--this is the status we struggle to accept in a world that generally follows the opposite philosophy.

Humbly embracing the everlasting love of an eternal Father is key in grasping His gift of salvation.

Self Talk

I think most of us have a habit of talking to ourselves at one time or another. It might be when we are looking for something we can't seem to locate, trying to organize things around us, or talking as we try to remember why we went into a room in the first place. While these are not harmful on their own (unless you are in the presence of law enforcement or medical professionals) the concept of self-talk is real and can inflict damage that has a lasting effect.

We develop a habit of self-talk that stems from our life experiences. It is the voice that reinforces our negative characteristics and flaws and holds us back from healthy relationships and self-image. It can also be the whispers of lies that we believe because we have heard them for so long that they start to sound like truth. Neither of these are healthy for us and can poison our value of ourselves and ultimately create dysfunctional relationships with those around us. It's a trap that I have learned to recognize, but not due powerful foresight, but painfully learned hindsight.

The remedy for this malady is found in listening to the true, compassionate voice of our Father. He speaks His unfailing, unconditional love over us. He whispers of His mercies that are new every morning and His grace that is given to cover our sins. It is a spiritual discipline of eliminating all other voices (including our own) so that we can hear what God is waiting to speak.

Right Now

I am loved by God right now. Not because of anything I have done, but because of who He is. I will not be able to earn more of His love or increase my value in His eyes. I cannot preach a better sermon to change my standing. I cannot blog more frequently or write a statement that causes my status to change. No matter how much time I spend with my family I will always be a beloved son in His eyes. 

This is refreshing to my soul even as I struggle with grasping the concept. The culture that we live in operates mainly in a "what have you done for me lately" mentality that threatens to squeeze out God's cry of unconditional love. We find true rest and esteem in the knowledge that our Father loves us fully regardless of who we are attempting to be.