Do You Like It?

As I continue to seek out levels of personal change, I am also drawn to helping others do the same thing. It's part of my calling as a pastor and it stems out of my desire to see people's lives become more fulfilling as they trust God. Inevitably, I end up talking with people when things are not going well. They have reached a point of crisis or frustration and are looking for the hope of something different. 

The difficult part of this process is in realizing the personal changes that must take place for things to improve. Human nature leads us to hang onto old patterns of behavior even when those are the habits that have led us to this break point. We have reached a point of impasse: we want something new but don't want to change the very things that have led us to our moment of crisis.

I always ask a simple question at this juncture: "How has that been working out for you?" If the answer is negative, it's time to do something about it or find a way to be content in misery.

See the Enemy

Our puppy, Moses, has just started to be alarmed by his own reflection. He sees his own image in the TV screen or in the front door to the dryer and starts to bark. He won't take his eyes off of it and to get him to stop we have to cover it or get him to leave the room. Moses thinks that he's barking at an intruder, but he's the one that is causing himself stress.

I think that might accurately describe a lot of the conflicts we face. We make a lot of noise and get out of sorts only to discover that we are the main culprit in our dilemma. We can stay upset over the current circumstances and keep making noise or we can own up to our contribution to the conflict and decide to do something about our part.

Self Check-Up

Be the change you want to see.

This is usually used when we talk about making an impact in the world by identifying an issue and then being part of the solution. I think it also applies to us on a personal level. Instead of complaining about other people and how we don't like the way they are acting, perhaps we should take a closer look at ourselves to see what needs to be changed first. I've discovered that the very qualities we find most annoying in other people are usually a reflection of an issue that we struggle with ourselves. If we spent more time working on shaping our own character we would find that other people are not the true source of our discomfort.

Balancing Act

In my own personal struggles with self-esteem (the condition that men don't talk about) I've been at both ends of the confidence spectrum. I've gone through periods in life where I allowed my ego to over-inflate to the extreme detriment of the relationships in my life. My out-of-control pride ruined friendships, damaged working relationships, and alienated people that care for me. I've also endured tough stretches where I felt that I was of no use to anyone at all. It didn't matter how much people encouraged me or tried to reason with me. I simply felt that I wasn't worthy enough to lead a discussion much less lead my family or an organization. Neither one of these perspectives is healthy.

Fluctuating from thinking too highly of myself to thinking too lowly of myself doesn't provide a stable ground for accurate personal assessment and growth. Instead it's best for all of us to find a balance of being aware of our strengths and weaknesses while maturing in humility. We're certainly better company when we can do this and we'll be healthier overall with a more realistic viewpoint of who we are.

A Closer Look

There is an ancient Christian practice called the prayer of examen. It was intended to be part of a

Sabbath reflection even though it has merit for each day. To take part in this liturgical devotion you would find a place to be quiet and ask two revealing questions.

1. Where did I feel most alive, most hopeful, most in the presence of God? 
2. Where did I feel most dead, most despairing, farthest from God?

Our answers will reveal the truth of how we see ourselves and our awareness of what brings us fulfillment. Inevitably, there will be weeks when it seems that we spend the bulk of our time in efforts that drain us emotionally. The key to peaceful maturity is to be able to stay in step with the Holy Spirit as we gain recognition of the small, life-giving things that God is working in our lives each day. This will help us celebrate these moments of spiritual prosperity while disciplining ourselves to stay centered in daily, life-giving practices with God.

Health Assessment

People often associate good health with an absence of illness. While this might seem to make sense, it doesn't indicate a true understanding of what complete, good health is. The lack of an apparent illness doesn't necessarily reflect how well our internal organs are functioning, our emotional and mental state, the health of our self-esteem, or the well-being of our relationships. For us to accurately assess our personal fortitude and work to improve it, we have to change our perspective.

The problem with shifting our viewpoint is that we might have to admit that our relationships are not as strong as we believed them to be, our character is not as unyielding as we have convinced ourselves, and our personal holistic health is subpar. Ignoring this truth leaves us uttering the cliche (and in this instance false) platitude that "Everything is fine." The truth is that the problems (disease if you will) that we end up facing are most often the symptoms of much larger health issues. We can reject the possibility that something is wrong, but it will eventually become a big enough problem to demand our attention. 

Analyzing our relationship, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health requires a dose of humility and a willingness to work to correct any deficits we see. Waiting until a bigger problem arises is more detrimental to us and takes longer to recover from. Take an honest look at yourself to see if you're truly healthy and then take a few small steps to improve it now.

Loose Connection

It's easy to get frustrated when we feel that we aren't getting an answer to our prayers. We've continually asked God for a solution to a problem or for divine wisdom and are left empty-handed. A very wise friend of mine (Tony Fraley, a lead pastor at another local church) shared his thoughts on that today over lunch. He said that if we continue to pray and feel that nothing is happening, it might be time for a self-evaluation. He likened it to having a battery problem in your car. If you know you have a brand-new battery and you still aren't able to start your car you might want to check your cables. When your battery cables work themselves loose they'll start to corrode and even though your power source is good you won't go anywhere.

When you have faith you have no doubt that your power source is good, so if we consistently find that we're not connecting we'll need to check ourselves. The pace of life sometimes shakes us loose from the truth and we find that the corrosion built up from unconfessed sin, refusing to offer forgiveness, and deliberate sin inhibit a genuine interaction with God. It's a guaranteed fact that He's never the problem, but we can be. It might be a good habit to check ourselves regularly to make sure we aren't doing anything to interfere with our connection to Him.

Taking Inventory

If we really want to see positive change in 2013, it's time for a fearless self inventory. It's the process of taking an honest look at who we are from all perspectives: physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and relationally. This can be quite painful if we haven't practiced this level of personal transparency. In fact, we are often afraid of doing this because we'll find that our carefully constructed self image isn't accurate. Instead of owning up to our contribution to who we are we place blame on other people, our upbringing, what has been done to us, & other people's stupidity. Genuine transformation can't begin until we honestly assess who we are and how we got here. As Craig Groeschel writes in his book Soul Detox, "You can't change what you don't see."

Best Practices

I am finishing Andy Stanley's new book, Deep & Wide, and gaining tremendous insights from his wisdom. Towards the end of the book he writes about how NorthPoint always asks questions about what they do. The big question is, "What's the best way to __________." It's an exercise in evaluating what you are doing & how to do it better. Even though the book was applied to the church, it stirred thoughts for other parts of life as well.

What's the best way to:

• be a committed Christian that engages community without absorbing the culture
• lead my family without allowing my personal agenda to be the driving force
• influence leaders
• increase financial generosity
• develop the best God-led path for my children to follow
• encourage people to volunteer in ministry
• help people see their need for Christ
• to prepare for God's future calling on my life while working diligently in the present
• be involved in our community in ways that are deeper than only meeting physical needs
• stay clear minded & self-controlled
• live a life that leaves a legacy worth following

The hard part isn't asking the question--it's the strategy of follow through that comes with the answer.

Self Analysis

I am a question-asker. Questions of other people's perceptions, directions of ministry, effectiveness of what we are doing, or my own relationship with Christ will all fit the bill. I was looking back through some old files tonight and came across these questions to ask of yourself:

1.   Are you serious about living this life?

2.   Are you stepping out of your comfort zone?

3.   What are you doing right now that is forcing a deeper reliance on God?

Challenging questions, but worth asking if you want to grow in Christ.