I Should Be

Sometimes it feels as if the “should's” are eating me alive.

- I should be farther along in my spiritual walk.
- I should be spending more time with my wife.
- I should have more in-depth, intentional conversations with my daughters.
- I should be reading more.
- I should be investing in other leaders more.
- I should be praying more.
- I should be reading more Scripture.
- I should be reading at a faster pace.
- I should have finished those projects on my project list.
- I should have more money in savings.
- I should have purchased some Christmas presents already.
- I should call my mom more.
- I should be more mature in the way I think.
- I should be more confident in who I am and my calling.
- I should be impacting more people than I am.
- I should be able to let my past go and not let it have power over me.

I can lament where I should be (and do so far too often.) While some of that may spur me to make changes, it can also paralyze me into doing nothing at all as the list of “should’s” can be overwhelming as a whole. The truth is I’m not where I want to be. I can choose to write a list of grievances against myself or accept my present condition and start to move forward. As a man committed to personal growth I’ll never be satisfied with where I am, but I can choose to keep progressing in pursuit of what I can be.

A healthy attitude and a willingness to persevere through my own mistakes is the difference in “should be” and “could be."

Shuffling Around

Our house is full of life as we have three teenage daughters and three dogs living cozily together. Two of the dogs are puppies filled with energy and enthusiasm while one is an old dog without much of either. Our scruffy old dog (his name is Zeddie) sleeps most of the day when he isn't following my wife around the house or yapping when the two pups get too close to him. He also has this annoying habit of continually trying to move his pillow and dog bed around. Zeddie will work gruntingly for several minutes trying to arrange things to his liking and end up in nearly the same place as when we began. I've watched him pull his bed with his front paws as he tries to move it into the perfect position before finally collapsing into it. I'm not sure if he just gave up because it was too frustrating or if he actually believed that his hard work had produced an outcome (which it clearly had not.)

This method of solving discontent can be frustrating and wasteful. How often do we exert great levels of energy to move things around only to discover our efforts haven't produced anything? How many times have we instituted personal changes before finding out we haven't really gone anywhere at all? Instead of wasting our energy and being frustrated at the lack of results perhaps we should pause to carefully assess the reason for our discontent. Then we can begin to decide where we can make small tweaks that will alleviate some of the pressure we are feeling. We might find that it only takes a few small adjustments to make things better. It's certainly a better approach than moving rapidly without any idea of direction.

Do You Like It?

As I continue to seek out levels of personal change, I am also drawn to helping others do the same thing. It's part of my calling as a pastor and it stems out of my desire to see people's lives become more fulfilling as they trust God. Inevitably, I end up talking with people when things are not going well. They have reached a point of crisis or frustration and are looking for the hope of something different. 

The difficult part of this process is in realizing the personal changes that must take place for things to improve. Human nature leads us to hang onto old patterns of behavior even when those are the habits that have led us to this break point. We have reached a point of impasse: we want something new but don't want to change the very things that have led us to our moment of crisis.

I always ask a simple question at this juncture: "How has that been working out for you?" If the answer is negative, it's time to do something about it or find a way to be content in misery.

Change It

"The way things are is not the way things have to be." Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove

Are you discontent? Honestly, I know very few people who are completely content in every facet of their

lives. We all have times when we are dissatisfied with our job status, the health of our relationships, where our previous life decisions have led us, the perceived slights we feel from others, and the stability of our spiritual life. When we feel this discontent we are left with two obvious choices: fall into a predictable pattern of complaint-driven living or change something to make a difference in our lives. We can choose to accept an unpleasant current reality and by our bitter inaction ensure it's longevity. We can also decide to recognize the temporary nature of our present status and actively work in ways that reveal our trust in God's ability to transform us and our circumstances. 

We either resign ourselves to unhappiness or resolve to do something about it.

Make a Wish

Discontent is found in "I wish" statements. They represent our interpretation of a present or past circumstance and the desire to create a change. This isn't necessarily a negative thing depending on the resulting action, but it usually isn't properly focused. 

We can allow our "wish" statement to cause us to pursue material things as we search to fulfill deep longings that cannot be filled with temporary objects. This leads to brief periods of satisfaction with promotions, new technology, bigger homes, shopping, and saving. This type of discontent can only be alleviated for short periods of time however as we always end up searching for the next, newest, big thing.

We do have the choice of utilizing our discontent as an impetus for change as we transform our personal relationships and actively work to improve the world around us. The truth is that we are all wired to be discontent--to search for something bigger and better, but too often fail to realize what we really should be looking for. Aligning our hearts with God will shift the source of our wishfulness so that we care about the things He does. This change of perspective will certainly lead to a change in our actions.