I Should Be

Sometimes it feels as if the “should's” are eating me alive.

- I should be farther along in my spiritual walk.
- I should be spending more time with my wife.
- I should have more in-depth, intentional conversations with my daughters.
- I should be reading more.
- I should be investing in other leaders more.
- I should be praying more.
- I should be reading more Scripture.
- I should be reading at a faster pace.
- I should have finished those projects on my project list.
- I should have more money in savings.
- I should have purchased some Christmas presents already.
- I should call my mom more.
- I should be more mature in the way I think.
- I should be more confident in who I am and my calling.
- I should be impacting more people than I am.
- I should be able to let my past go and not let it have power over me.

I can lament where I should be (and do so far too often.) While some of that may spur me to make changes, it can also paralyze me into doing nothing at all as the list of “should’s” can be overwhelming as a whole. The truth is I’m not where I want to be. I can choose to write a list of grievances against myself or accept my present condition and start to move forward. As a man committed to personal growth I’ll never be satisfied with where I am, but I can choose to keep progressing in pursuit of what I can be.

A healthy attitude and a willingness to persevere through my own mistakes is the difference in “should be” and “could be."

No Regrets?

It's common to hear people say they want to live a life of no regrets. This is usually fueled by the idea of taking risks and not wanting to lament missed opportunities later in life. The underlying philosophy is that anything from our past has only helped to make us who we are today. Even if things don't end up as planned, it was still a risk worth taking.

The trials and tough circumstances of my life have certainly helped to shape me into the man I have become. Even though it is true that doesn't mean I live without regrets. There are many decisions I have made I wish I could take back. There have been words spoken carelessly and hurtfully, actions committed without thought of impact and repercussion, and attitudes which have permanently damaged relationships. Just because I have managed to overcome some of these doesn't mean I don't regret those decisions.

Maybe the healthiest approach to this kind of life is to make sure I don't choose to do something that will bring regrets--either from missing out on opportunities or causing pain to people around me. It can be an admirable life focus as long as it's not used as an excuse for poor decision making.

Living in Regret

There are many decisions in my own life that I regret. There are thoughts I have meditated on, words that I have spoken in haste, and behaviors I have chosen that I wish I could take back. My life's path is littered with the debris from immature decision making.

If it was possible to go back in time and correct these decisions, I would do it. I recognize that I could be in a much better spiritual, physical, and emotional state if I had avoided many earlier poor choices. I could be farther along in my own maturity. I could be in a more stable financial state. I could be a better husband, father, Christ-follower, and leader if I hadn't made so many other poor decisions. 

The reality is that I can't change any of those past choices. I can't erase them from the sum of my life's history and I am unable to remove the damage I have done to those around me. I have the option of being frustrated by this and lamenting what "could be" if I had lived differently. The better option is for me to recognize that this is where I am by God's generous love alone. Instead of living in anxiety over those life choices I will choose to move forward in humble acceptance of God's wonderful grace. 

No Regrets

I've seen people who tattoo this on themselves as a symbol of their willingness to take risks. Adopting this as a life philosophy is sometimes used as validation for poor decision making and an excuse for recklessness. In spite of that possibility I want to adopt this motto for my own life. I don't intend for it to be a license to take foolish risks, but instead as motivation to leverage every opportunity:

• Always telling my family that I love them
• Stopping what I'm doing to have conversations with my daughters
• Giving my wife a good night kiss
• Holding my wife's hand whenever I can
• Praying for people in the moment they ask
• Taking risks of generosity with our finances
• Seeing strangers in need and engaging them in that moment
• Seizing a unique opportunity of faith that takes us out of our normal routine
• Investing in a potential leader who might not fit the typical mold
• Breaking out of routines and stretching my thinking
• Establishing new disciplines that help me overcome poor lifelong habits

I don't want to have a ton of regrets at the end of my life, but I want to make sure it's for the right reasons.