Frequently Disconnected

Our family has just returned from our annual vacation where we hide out on the beach and completely unplug. It's a refreshing time for the five of us to be together and eliminate many of the distractions we face back home. The past three years we have gone technology-free in an effort to engage in the moment without having our attention pulled to social media and the need to respond to every email and text. My wife and I agree we could have stayed for another week while our teenage daughters were not as willing to forgo that connection any longer (or to share a room for one more day either.) All of us agree, however, on the health of disconnecting.

There is tremendous value in stepping away from the frenetic pace of life on a regular basis. While we have committed to making our family vacations free from the tether of our electronic devices, I think we need to make this a more consistent habit. Too much life can pass us by when we are constantly feeling the need to be connected to the rest of the world. Our week away proved that the world can keep moving just fine without my input, influence, or reflections. It's a healthy reminder of the need to focus on the people and events taking place right in front of us.

Are you feeling the need to unplug from the rest of the world? How can you create space to be in the moment and enjoy the people sharing your physical space? What do you need to do to make this a regular habit to help you refocus on what matters most?

Practice or Real Life?

When I was involved in theater, we would always get the cast together to do a read through of the script. This gave us a chance to get to know each other, hear the director's thoughts, and start to discover more about our characters. It was a safe practice that wasn't open to the public because we weren't ready for that step yet. We needed time to rehearse and become more comfortable with our show before it was time to step under the lights. The read through wasn't the real performance and didn't reflect what things were going to be once we had more time to refine

Life might be easier if we were able to do a read through before the big performance, but it's not how things happen. Every piece of our life is real and part of the larger show of who we are and who we're becoming. Each conversation we have carries weight and our actions have a more powerful impact than we might realize in the moment. I don't think this means we should live fearfully, but that we should see how each interaction and event in our life is part of the big show. We can't casually dismiss pieces of it as they all contribute to the sum of our lives.

Escapism

Two days a week I have coffee with a friend as our local Starbucks opens. We give up a little sleep and morning quiet time to connect with each other and share thoughts on any number of things. As I sat down this morning with my coffee, I was waiting for my friend to get his from the counter. Since I was sitting alone at the table, I started to reach for my phone so I could scroll through social media and email while I waited. I stopped myself before I could pull my phone out as I realized I was only looking to kill two minutes before he sat down. That’s right—it was a two minute wait I had to endure and I was looking for a way to escape sitting still.

Technology can be an incredibly useful tool, but it has also become our most common method of escapism. We avoid the people around us in public places by staring at our phones, ignore our families by scrolling through social media, and neglect the moments of potential quiet thought while waiting for the rest of our life to keep moving. It’s not just a fascination with the world around us, but it has become a way for us to practice escapism. We can focus on the details of everything except for the simple realism of the moment right in front of us.

I'm Right Here

"Be where you are right now."

That statement seems too obviously simple to live by. How could we be anywhere else but where we are in this moment? While we can't change our present physical location we can choose to be somewhere else mentally and emotionally. It's reflected in the way we endure the work week to get to the weekend, pine for upcoming vacations while wishing the current days away, neglecting to engage in our community because of our fixation with other places and people, and in our obsession with social media instead of focusing on the people right in front of us.

This mindset ends up ignoring present people and moments because we are looking too far ahead. It ends up robbing the joy from our current position (even if we have to look harder for that joy sometimes.) There are experiences to be had, relationships to be developed, patience to be learned, and influence to be shaped if we dwell richly in this moment. Don't wish away or waste the moment you are in, but learn to be where you are right now.

Taking Advantage

This morning brought cooler than expected temperatures to middle Georgia as we woke to readings in the low 60's. With the incredibly hot summer we've already had this was a very pleasant break even if it was only for a day. When we first noticed these predicted morning temps, my wife and I both planned an early morning run. We've been dodging the heat for so long we didn't want to miss this opportunity. I'll admit my body could have used the rest, but I wasn't willing to forfeit this chance at fall-like conditions.

Sometimes we have to push ourselves a little harder when an opportunity presents itself. It may not come at the most convenient time, but if we don't take advantage of this chance it may be a while before another one rolls around. Seizing the moment in front of you means you have to be paying attention and be ready to jump when it arrives.

Reality Check

I doubt I'm the only one that has come back from vacation and said, "Back to reality!" It's as if we have separated family relaxation time from the normal daily activity portion of our lives. I really believe it's a reflection of the way we tend to compartmentalize. We keep things in separate boxes in our minds and miss the big picture of how everything fits together.

I think all of our life experiences: routine family events, work, hobbies, events to celebrate, tragedies to mourn, and difficulties to endure are all part of real life. It's the blending of these positive, negative and seemingly mundane things that make up who we are and define the life we are called to lead.

Every part of our life is valuable. We should pay attention to it as it goes by or we'll miss something important. We live in this reality every moment whether we recognize it or not.

Just In Time

A minute earlier or later and I wouldn't have seen the sun peeking over the trees this morning. Once that opportunity had passed, I would have missed out on this view (which isn't captured nearly as beautifully as it appeared in person.) 

How many times each day are we right on time for an opportunity because we are paying attention? How many times each day do we miss out on an event simply because we weren't paying attention? There is value in each moment of our day. Try walking through it with your head up and eyes open and you might catch of a glimpse of something worthwhile.

Regular Romance

I love my wife. That's not new news to anyone who has read this blog or knows us at all. We've been together as a couple for over 22 years now and will hit 20 years of marriage in December. She's still the most attractive woman that I know and I am extremely lucky to be married to her. While we are not a "super-couple" that is impervious to difficulty, we communicate very well with each other and are definitely madly in love. I don't believe we are the model for all marriages, but there is one key factor that continues to help us and is applicable to all couples: the concept of romance.

I don't think that I have to convince my wife that I love her-she knows that I do. I still continue to romance her though (and she does the same for me.) Romance is something that is often relegated to the bedroom, date night, Valentine's Day, and anniversaries. While those are important times it neglects the value of every day wooing. Each day should be a reflection of our desire to let someone know how much you care for them. It can be shown in something as simple as holding hands while watching TV together, an affectionate touch as you pass by, random texts and message, unexpected flowers, a special meal, a foot rub, or (one of our favorites) conversation and coffee on the front porch. Each of these things helps build a solid foundation of trust and love in a couple. It's a daily investment that's worth the effort.

Good Times

My teenage girls don't react exactly how they used to when good things happen, but they still have a youthful enthusiasm that quickly turns into gleeful squeals. I love surprising them with things that elicit those reactions whether it is taking them to a movie we've been eagerly anticipating or just bringing home unexpected ice cream. They laugh, give big hugs of thanks, and throw themselves into the moment with passion.

We're spending the afternoon with friends and celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Dr. Who show. My ladies (including my wife) have been looking forward to this since we first planned it and it now involves a big meal and celebration of a show they love. My oldest daughter found it necessary to dress similarly to the good Doctor and has been planning her outfit for a while. All three of them are giddy with anticipation of the showing this afternoon and won't forget to tell anyone about it.

I don't watch Dr. Who so I can't share in their fandom, but their enthusiasm has reminded me of how important it is to just have fun. As adults, we often forget to simply enjoy moments in life whether it's a silly TV show (my apologies to true Whovians), pizza for dinner, or a fire with smores on a chilly night. These are all moments where we can choose to acknowledge it in passing or stop and revel in the simple joys we're blessed to share in life. It's a reminder I need now & then to keep me focused on what matters most.