43 and 20

This is an eventful week for our family as our youngest daughter had her 16th birthday, we celebrate Mother's Day, and my wife had her 43rd birthday. We make a big deal out of all of them as they each hold their own special value to our family. It's not always easy to keep celebrations from spilling over onto each day, but this year there is enough separation that it hasn't been an issue. This year is especially significant for my wife as we are also celebrating an "anniversary" as we mark 20 years of her being cancer free.

We were just a young, freshly-married couple when we discovered she had cancer. Neither one of us knew what to think, but we were both scared of what might happen and what our future was going to look like. Even her physicians were unsure of how effective their treatment plan was going to be. I remember holding her hand while walking one day and telling her, "I'm not ready to lose you." We didn't know then the difficulties she was going to endure or how we were going to make our way through them. We just knew we had to keep moving forward and hoping we would be given another day to share together.

My wife's trial of cancer is what makes the rest of her celebrations so sweet. It's because of her 20 year "cancerversary" that we are able to celebrate her 43rd birthday. Each year that passes is another gift together when we weren't sure there would be many more to share. Her disease and treatment changed both of us during the trial and continue to have an impact as we grow older together. It's a very powerful reminder of the value of each day we've been given.

43 and Counting

My beautiful wife turned 43 years old today. She loves to celebrate a birthday and I love getting to celebrate them with her. In honor of her big day, I decided to list 43 things I love about her.

1. Her loud laugh
2. The loving look she gives me when I come home
3. The way her hand fits in mine
4. Our shared love of music
5. Sharing quotes from books with each other
6. Her intelligence
7. The way she challenges my thinking
8. How brave she is
9. She fought cancer and won
10. She keeps helping other people as they go through the journey of cancer
11. Her willingness to deconstruct and rebuild her faith so it's something substantive and strong
12. The way she loves our girls
13. Her passion for life
14. Sharing a mutual love for serving in Arizona
15. Her goofiness
16. The way we can spend hours together without having to talk
17. The stories and laughter she shares with our girls
18. How I can see her traits in each of our girls in unique ways
19. Playing guitar and singing with her
20. Sharing my dreams and possibilities with her
21. She believes in and sees the best in me
22. I can spoil her with a good home-cooked meal
23. The comfort of laying next to her at night
24. Her quiet introvert nature
25. Her not-so-quiet introvert nature
26. Being brave enough to question what she believes to make sure it's real
27. How hard she works to take care of her family
28. She's gorgeous (I definitely married up!)
29. The way her heart breaks for other people
30. The courage she has shown jumping into leading Celebrate Recovery
31. The way she speaks her mind
32. Her devotion to us as a couple
33. That she delivers Meals-on-Wheels and cares for the people she serves
34. There is no part of my life I don't want to share with her
35. She loves to celebrate a birthday--even for a whole month
36. The willingness she has to follow wherever this life will lead us
37. Her impact on others--more people than she even knows
38. Her willingness to try new things
39. The value she places on our family dinners as she creates a place for us all to share
40. How good we are together
41. Her loyalty to her family and friends
42. Too many memories of laughter, tears, and joy through close to 25 years together
43. The fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with her

A Worthy Name

I think our society has forgotten about the power and significance in a name. In times past we would give people names that reflected their character and the great deeds they had done. People would be called “Richard the Lionhearted” or “Claudia the Courageous.” Just because we no longer think in those terms doesn’t mean people don’t live with the same purpose and intensity. My wife is one of those women who lives in such a legendary fashion. As our 21st anniversary is celebrated today, I thought it would be appropriate to give her a fitting name: “Dana the Strong."

Our life’s journey has not been what we expected, but then again I don’t know many people who would profess otherwise. Through all of these life changes her internal strength has increased as she conquered each trial. My wife is a woman who:

Conquered cancer
Is willing to fight her fears
Breaks her faith down to the foundation and slowly rebuilds it
Asks tough questions others don’t have the courage to ask
Home schools three girls
Is a pastor’s wife—nuff said
Finished a 1/2 marathon
Climbed a mountain
Survived the rituals of religion to develop a lasting relationship
Takes risks and helps when others would walk away
Shares compassion even when it hurts
Speaks what’s right even if it’s unpopular
Helps others walk through the valleys of life even when it costs her deeply
Supports me fully in my calling even when it’s not easy for either of us
Sees the potential in me and encourages me to become the man I should be

I have been fortunate to have many strong women in my life and even more so to be allowed to partner with this incredible woman. I am grateful for her strength, her loving attitude, her passionate intelligence, and her contagious compassion. She is my life partner who makes me a better man. Happy anniversary, Dana the strong. You are the better part of me.

Running Together

My wife and I both took advantage of surprisingly cooler temps this morning and went running. We didn't run together (my longer legs make that difficult), but we gained great satisfaction from our separate miles. Afterwards, we were walking back up to the house when my wife said, "You realize we are one of those couples, don't you? Now we exercise and go to the gym together." Her statement was focused more on the changes in our lifestyles and our shared desire to improve our fitness than anything else.

I love that I have made changes to my life, but I gain greater satisfaction in sharing them with my wife. Neither one of us is okay with accepting "the norm" and want to push each other to grow as we pursue God's pathway for us. We get to help each other persevere through adversity, ask & answer tough questions, and contemplate the potential possibilities as we live a life of faith. We aren't the same couple we were even just a year ago and that's because of God's work in both of us.

There is no one I would rather share this journey with than her.

Good Day

My wife and I have some time alone this week as our three girls are at a conference with their youth group. I have had a busy schedule, but took today off to spend entirely with her without distractions. I planned for us to visit a small town here in Georgia which we have never been to. The drive there and back, walking around a new place, and eating good food was enough to call the day a success. It was a simple plan which we both thoroughly enjoyed. Part of our enjoyment was in the newness of the experience, but the most important piece was the company. When you are deeply in love with the one you spend time with, everywhere you go is a good day.

Together

From an outside perspective, today might not have seemed uniquely special to anyone else. In fact, the events of the day were rather ordinary. The key to my contentment was found in who I shared my day with--my wife.

Even mundane activities like grocery shopping, eating lunch, and playing with our dogs is better when I share it with her. A day that starts with coffee and conversation on our back porch and ends sitting quietly together (with a couple of dogs joining us) is a good day. This is a reflection of our deep love and shared comfortability which has been forged through years together. It reinforces my belief that ordinary moments shared with the right person are better than extraordinary moments alone. I'm just fortunate these moments are best with her.

It's Her Birthday

Today is my wife's birthday and she loves to make a big deal about it. That statement probably sounds as if I resent her celebration, but I actually love how she gets excited about each year. It's not a matter of getting presents because we don't go overboard with those (not like I use to do anyway). For us each year represents another gift of life from God and another year to be together. I don't receive that gift without appreciating it deeply.

My wife is extremely intelligent, wonderfully creative, deeply passionate, and wildly imperfect. I love each of those qualities and the mix of them in her personality. She challenges my thinking, spurs me to greater things, and sacrifices daily for our family. She is the one that I am honored to spend my life with and I can't imagine it any other way.

I could write for pages (not that anyone but the two of us would want to read it) about her, but today I will simply share her blog and her gifted writing to complete the picture of who she is. Happy birthday, my love. You make us all better by simply being who you are.

Read Dana's blog here.

23

Twenty three years ago was our first date even though we had been anticipating it for a few weeks. Twenty two years ago she said yes when I proposed even though I knew she was the one months before that. It's been a roller coaster of a journey together with many more blessings than disappointments. I couldn't have predicted all that we have experienced, but I can't imagine the journey without her wit, her intelligence, her beauty, and the way she makes me a better man. Twenty three years seems like a blessing of a lifetime and yet far too short a time together as well. I'm grateful that she has made me the luckiest of men.

Better Together

Today my beautiful wife & I celebrate 20 years of marriage. I could write the world's lengthiest blog describing her incredible, loving qualities and how well we fit together. I could begin to detail what a wonderful, sacrificial mother she is. I could fill tomes with descriptive terms to define why I don't deserve her and how vital she is to me everyday. The simple truth is that I am a better man because of her and I strive daily to be the man that she really deserves. Twenty years together seems like a lifetime and yet not enough at the same time. I am the luckiest.

No Idea

It was 22 years ago today that Dana & I had our first date and 21 years ago that I proposed to her. She had no idea what she was saying "yes" to when she responded to my question. Honestly, I had no idea what I was really asking her. We just knew that we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We couldn't have predicted:

• How hard we would have to work to see our relationship grow
• The joy our three children would bring us 
• The trials & triumphs that we would have in parenting them
• The sorrow we would endure as we lost loved ones
• The comfort we would gain from each other in those moments
• The completely unexpected events of life (cancer, pregnancies, job loss)
• The depth of connection and maturity these events would bring us
• Our level of spiritual growth and focus on God
• A level of completion that we bring to each other
• The depth & intensity of our passion for one another
• That this is the life we would be living right now

I couldn't have foreseen the winding path of our journey together, but I have no regrets. The uncertainty of these travels is that much more satisfactory when I can travel with the love of my life. I don't know what lies ahead anymore than I did 22 years ago, but I do know who I get to travel with on this path. That's all the security I really need.

The Simple Life

It's the simple pleasures in life that sometimes mean the most:

• Laughing with my children as we quote our favorite movies while driving home
• A Sunday afternoon nap after preaching
• Making a pot of specially brewed coffee to share
• Taking a leisurely walk with my beautiful wife on a chilly, cloudy afternoon
• Holding hands with my wife as we walk
• The ease of conversation with my love that drifts from the mundane to our future
• Picking up fried chicken for dinner & seeing the smiles on my children's faces
• Watching a classic movie with my wife

I'm grateful for these moments and many more. They remind me of how blessed I am to live this life in its complexity & simplicity.

Not Long Enough

Today marks 19 years since I stood across from a beautiful redhead and committed to spend the rest of my life with her. Our vows were not traditional (thanks to a non-traditional officiant) and the gathering was intimate with immediate family and two witnesses only. We had no idea what was ahead of us, but took the first step by pledging our love to each other and beginning the journey.

I couldn't begin to anticipate the depths & heights of emotion and experience that we would share. While we had dreams of our future life, there was no way to be prepared for all that it would bring. Through each adventure, disappointment, life change, and incredible joy we have stuck together. In it all we have not only grown closer together, but also to our God. He has been the binding agent for us all these years and we continue to see Him at work as He leads us into our future together.

There is no one else I would rather travel this road with. We are still growing in our grand adventure as parents, Christ followers, lovers, and friends. I am grateful for the comfortable fit of her by my side-as gently perfect and intimate as our hands intertwined together. We've only just begun this life together and I am truly the most fortunate of all men. Happy anniversary my love.

40 and Counting

I remember walking through the Volusia Mall holding your hand shortly after we found out you had cancer. We had been married less than two years and were staring at a tremendous obstacle already. As the seriousness of what we were facing settled over me, I looked at you with tears in my eyes and said, "I'm not ready for you to be gone yet. We just got started." 

Here we are 17 years later--longer than any doctor probably would have given us--with so much life together behind us and even more in front of us. As we celebrate your 40th birthday today my thoughts are still the same. I can't imagine this life without you. Hang on baby because we're just getting started. 

The Great Unknown

My family & I were blessed to attend the wedding of a special young couple today. They have been in love for quite some time and we knew long ago that this is where they would end up. As I sat holding hands with my wife of 18+ years during the ceremony, I thought about the journey this couple is beginning. There is no way to predict the specifics of what their future holds. I do know they will experience triumph, sorrows to battle through, fights and the joy of making up, and the great works of God in their lives.

I'm not envious of the start of their marriage, but am joyful for the unknown that they will face together with God's blessing. I can look at the success of my own marriage and smile in anticipation of the life they will build together.

Half Life

Today is an anniversary for my wife and I--it was on Valentines Day in 1992 that we had our first date. We had talked & semi-flirted for a while and had made a pact in early January that we would be each other's compensation dates on Valentines Day if neither of us had one. As the day drew closer neither one of really wanted to find someone else, but were eagerly anticipating the time together. I remember purposefully waiting to kiss her until that night (even though I had walked her to her dorm room many nights before the 14th.) I knew she was something special, but had no idea on that day in 1992 that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I did know it in 1993 on our one-year dating anniversary when I asked her to marry me.

Although we hit this milestone for her a few years ago (since she is younger than me) we have now been together for half of my life. These 21 years may seem like a long time together, but I can say with confidence that another 21 years won't be enough time either.

Sharing the Middle Places

I am blessed with a wife who has a phenomenal way with the written word. She has several woman friends who share this gift and who were kind enough to let their husbands step in to write for them on their Middle Places blog this week. My turn was yesterday--check out the link below & feel free to peruse the other postings.

http://middleplaces.com/2013/02/11/lost-and-found/ 

Good Together

My wife and I will have been a couple for 21 years next Thursday. I've written in this space many times about what a lucky man I am and the incredible relationship we have with each other. As much as I could fill this blog with poetic words about my wife's strengths and our marriage, I won't do that today. I will simply say this: we are good together. As cheesy as it sounds, we complete each other. We are able to provide a balance of thought and emotion for one another that other people just can't fill. I am her solid rock and calming presence and her thoughts, reflections, and insights are the ones that matter the most to me. We can make things right for each other simply by being together--even if it's just conversation over a cup of coffee. It's a good fit for us & I couldn't be happier or more blessed to go through life with such a complementary companion.

Luckiest

Eighteen years ago today I said, "I do" and pledged to live the rest of my life with this beautiful woman that I had fallen in love with. Neither of us could have predicted what the future would hold for us, nor did we have a real clue what we were getting into. 

We have weathered emotional storms and worked through disappointments. We have celebrated births, mourned deaths, and survived the scare of cancer. There have been raw moments of honesty, genuine forgiveness, and discovery of who we are. Our life has been radically impacted and then rebuilt even better. It has been (and will continue to be) a journey of hope, love, promise, laughter, tears, and fulfilling our calling.

She makes me want to be a better man and has influenced me to be a greater father, Christ follower, and pastor. She will protest and claim that the opposite is true, but the truth is that I am the luckiest man I know. 

 

Ebenezer: "Yes!"

1 Samuel 7:12  Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it "Ebenezer" (Rock of Help), saying, "This marks the place where GOD helped us."

If we took the time to reflect on it, I am certain that we could find moments in our life that stand out more than others. It could be a specific answer to prayer or a confluence of events that ended up being life-changing. This season is an appropriate time to be grateful for those and see where God brought things together as part of His plan.

One of those destiny-altering moments happened for me on February 14, 1993. It was the one year anniversary with my girlfriend-the longest relationship I had ever been in to that point. We had met as cast members of a play in college and had our first date on the previous year's Valentine's Day. I had purchased a ring several months before and was waiting for this day to ask her to marry me. Fortunately for me, when the moment came, she never hesitated, but quickly (and tearfully) said yes.

While others may not see it the same way, I can clearly look back and see how God brought the two of us together. There have been many moments in our almost 18 years of marriage (and 20 years together) where I can see God's hand at work, but this was the beginning of our covenant relationship. God brought me the most incredible companion for this journey and knew how she would bring out the best in me and help me see the truth of the man I'm supposed to be. 

I'm thankful that God steered our paths to cross and even more grateful she said yes.

Events Collide

This week is momentous for my wife every year as it rolls three celebratory occasions into one. We honor her cancerversary, her birthday, and Mother's Day, and all three are forever intertwined. 

If you read my wife's blog or have followed me for some time, you will know that my wife is a cancer survivor. This is her 16th cancerversary meaning that she has now been cancer free for that period of time. It is why she celebrates her birthdays with such intensity and joy-each one is a gift and she recognizes how God has chosen to bless her with another year. I don't believe it is a coincidence that this all happens in the same week that we celebrate motherhood either. Our children are a daily reminder that medical science can be wrong about some things, and their beautiful faces and hearts serve as reinforcement of God's miracles to us.

My wife loves the celebration of these life events and I am eager to spoil her while we commemorate together. It's a week that keeps God's healing fresh in our minds and causes us to not take any year that passes for granted.