43 and 20

This is an eventful week for our family as our youngest daughter had her 16th birthday, we celebrate Mother's Day, and my wife had her 43rd birthday. We make a big deal out of all of them as they each hold their own special value to our family. It's not always easy to keep celebrations from spilling over onto each day, but this year there is enough separation that it hasn't been an issue. This year is especially significant for my wife as we are also celebrating an "anniversary" as we mark 20 years of her being cancer free.

We were just a young, freshly-married couple when we discovered she had cancer. Neither one of us knew what to think, but we were both scared of what might happen and what our future was going to look like. Even her physicians were unsure of how effective their treatment plan was going to be. I remember holding her hand while walking one day and telling her, "I'm not ready to lose you." We didn't know then the difficulties she was going to endure or how we were going to make our way through them. We just knew we had to keep moving forward and hoping we would be given another day to share together.

My wife's trial of cancer is what makes the rest of her celebrations so sweet. It's because of her 20 year "cancerversary" that we are able to celebrate her 43rd birthday. Each year that passes is another gift together when we weren't sure there would be many more to share. Her disease and treatment changed both of us during the trial and continue to have an impact as we grow older together. It's a very powerful reminder of the value of each day we've been given.

43 and Counting

My beautiful wife turned 43 years old today. She loves to celebrate a birthday and I love getting to celebrate them with her. In honor of her big day, I decided to list 43 things I love about her.

1. Her loud laugh
2. The loving look she gives me when I come home
3. The way her hand fits in mine
4. Our shared love of music
5. Sharing quotes from books with each other
6. Her intelligence
7. The way she challenges my thinking
8. How brave she is
9. She fought cancer and won
10. She keeps helping other people as they go through the journey of cancer
11. Her willingness to deconstruct and rebuild her faith so it's something substantive and strong
12. The way she loves our girls
13. Her passion for life
14. Sharing a mutual love for serving in Arizona
15. Her goofiness
16. The way we can spend hours together without having to talk
17. The stories and laughter she shares with our girls
18. How I can see her traits in each of our girls in unique ways
19. Playing guitar and singing with her
20. Sharing my dreams and possibilities with her
21. She believes in and sees the best in me
22. I can spoil her with a good home-cooked meal
23. The comfort of laying next to her at night
24. Her quiet introvert nature
25. Her not-so-quiet introvert nature
26. Being brave enough to question what she believes to make sure it's real
27. How hard she works to take care of her family
28. She's gorgeous (I definitely married up!)
29. The way her heart breaks for other people
30. The courage she has shown jumping into leading Celebrate Recovery
31. The way she speaks her mind
32. Her devotion to us as a couple
33. That she delivers Meals-on-Wheels and cares for the people she serves
34. There is no part of my life I don't want to share with her
35. She loves to celebrate a birthday--even for a whole month
36. The willingness she has to follow wherever this life will lead us
37. Her impact on others--more people than she even knows
38. Her willingness to try new things
39. The value she places on our family dinners as she creates a place for us all to share
40. How good we are together
41. Her loyalty to her family and friends
42. Too many memories of laughter, tears, and joy through close to 25 years together
43. The fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with her

And She Turns 16

Our youngest girl turned 16 today. As is our family tradition, we've let her set the pace for the day and determine what she wants to do. This is especially fitting as this has been a characteristic of her as long as I can remember. Her strong personality challenges us often while offering glimpses of the powerful potential she has to make a difference.

Our Olivia is uniquely and wonderfully her own person and I love her passion and enthusiasm for what she believes. She is extremely intelligent, fiercely loyal, and a deep thinker. It's no coincidence that her fiery red hair matches her personality.

Her excitement is contagious and she is still discovering how her influence can be used to help others. Underneath her vivacious exterior is a tender heart that cares deeply for others. It's this genuine concern matched with her strong thoughts and gifts that will lead her down her future path.

I love this girl and all of who she is. I'm proud to be her father and am looking forward to what the years ahead will hold for her.

Set the Course

At Northridge we have an event at least twice a year called "Baby Dedication" where families get together and pray a blessing over their young child. It also involves parents consciously thinking about what they would like their children to become while making a commitment to raising them up in Christ. I always enjoy being a small part of this ceremony and watching the families and friends rallying together around each other and the future of this child. While there are no guarantees along this life path, there is a tremendous benefit in establishing a specific bearing.

There's something powerfully inspiring about setting a course of direction. I believe most people set out with good intentions, but neglect to project a specific path. Having some confidence in the course we want to follow keeps us focused on making choices that support that desire. Being able to define where you want to go helps shape the life we live along the way.

Comparison Shopping

Looking for a new(ish) car isn't fun. I've only done it a handful of times without some expert help (my stepfather, good car-minded friends, etc.) but we are currently searching for one for our oldest daughter. I've spent a lot of time online looking for a good deal and even wandered onto a used car lot today to check. It's not an easy process to find what you're looking for as you compare models, features, mileage, and especially price. It is essential, however, to measure what you see against other deals to make sure you get something worthwhile.

Comparison is a helpful tool when picking out a car, but it can be damaging when it's centered on yourself. Determining how successful you are by the success of others isn't a valid or healthy tool. Measuring your physical fitness by another person isn't completely accurate. Deciding if you are a good parent based on how another father interacts with his daughters isn't a true indicator of my family's stability.

The comparison trap can be overwhelming dangerous and discouraging if it's the only measurement we use. While we can gain insight from witnessing the lives of other people, we risk debilitating discouragement when we try to be just like other people instead of being the best version of ourselves we can be. Let the people around us be an inspiration (and sometimes a warning) without being a measuring stick we can't compare to.

Press On

I was talking with a friend of mine over coffee this morning about the habits in our lives. We are both runners and push each other to keep putting in miles and improving our fitness. We also encourage each other in our spiritual life and the pursuit of things that are eternal. There are enjoyable parts of each of these areas of our life even though we readily admit our struggles in consistency of effort and success.

I was sharing how I had run in Arizona last week on our mission trip and how difficult it was at an elevation of 6500 feet above sea level. On one of my running days out there, there was also a headwind of 25-45 miles per hour. Needless to say, it wasn't one of my best days on the road, but I persevered and finished anyway.

The realization hit us both that this isn't too different from our spiritual focus. There are times when everything we do seems to come easy. Understanding Scripture almost seems second nature, our prayers are focused and powerful, and even meditation is extremely fruitful. There are also times when it seems as if I am reading the Bible in a language I've never seen before, I can't keep a prayer focused for ten seconds, and any attempt to meditate is quickly squashed by my own energy.

I don't stop running when I have a difficult day(s) on the roads, but I push through and then get ready for the next one with an anticipation of it being better. I'm learning to do the same thing with my spiritual practices. Even though I may get frustrated with what I feel is a lack of progress, I push through and get ready for the next day with the anticipation of it being better. It may not radically improve in one day, but I believe it will happen if I keep working on it without giving up too soon.

Still Processing

This past week, my family was part of a team serving in Arizona on the Apache reservation. This is a family tradition of serving that my wife and I have passed down to our daughters and hope has become part of their spiritual DNA. Each trip carries its own challenges and rewards and this week was no different. We had to overcome physical obstacles including tiredness, high elevation, and illness while also juggling the inherent challenges of sharing a small living space with 17 people for a week.

I can look back over our trip with fondness, but I still haven't completely thought through all we experienced. Each trip is packed with so many emotions and memories and it takes some time to meditate carefully on what has happened and what I want to take away from it. This is a process I want to walk through slowly while trying to understand more clearly what we experienced and how I want to use that to help me grow. I don't know yet how all of this meditation will play out, but I feel it's an important personal part of the journey we take through life. To make sure we don't miss out on a vital portion of the trip, we need to carve out time to meditate on our experiences and cling to the pieces we don't want to forget.