Supporting a Theory

I was reading Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler this morning and he was writing about scientists and their method of research and thought process. He wrote that scientists develop a theory on some topic and then

go looking for the evidence to support their thoughts. While this may not be 100% accurate in describing scientific research it probably accurately reflects a major portion of theory development.

It hit me as I read this that it's this same behavior that causes difficulties in most relationships. We develop a mindset and attitude about someone and then look for ways to support what we are thinking. The problem with this approach is that it doesn't allow for grace. We become entirely focused on what we want a situation to be instead of what is actually happening. We then base our reactions on these scenarios that we mentally create and begin to assume certain things about people. When we do this we fail to gain an accurate assessment of what someone is saying, feeling, or doing. It leads to a lack of trust that can only damage the foundation of our relationships and exacerbates any problematic situations.

Approaching our relationships without preconceived notions is the only healthy way to be strengthened through conflict. It's an attitude of grace that closes the gap of misunderstanding.