Make It Happen

I'm on a quick 48 hour trip with my girls to see my family in Florida at the end of this week. We packed small overnight bags since we'll be back home tomorrow. I did increase my luggage slightly by bringing some running gear however. Thursday is a regular run day for me and I wasn't willing to let it go by without getting in some miles.

I realized there are some things we are all unwilling to forgo. Can we clearly identify those habits and behaviors we want to hold on to? Are they healthy enough to keep? How will we prepare to make sure we can accomplish them? We might believe there are non-negotiable practices, but we will need to prep to make it an actionable reality.

Sorting Through It All

We were heavily involved with a local homeless assistance shelter when I worked in youth ministry in Florida. Periodically we would take groups down to help prepare and serve a meal. This gave our youth a chance to take part in something bigger than themselves and also helped them become aware of a need in their community.

There was one time in particular when we asked to help sort through some food that had been donated. In this batch was a large donation of fresh green beans which were no longer able to be sold. Obviously, not all of these green beans were edible so we were tasked with sorting through them to keep what was good and toss what could not be served. There are really no specific words to describe the feeling of a slimy, inedible green bean between your fingers-even when wearing latex gloves. It was an unpleasant, but necessary task if we were going to keep what was useful while getting rid of the trash.

Sorting through things in our life can often have the same unpleasantness. There are habits, relationships, dreams, and beliefs which need to be picked through and cast aside for our overall health. Unless we thoughtfully separate the good and the bad, we can end up with an overall negative influence spreading throughout our lives. The task of dividing what stays from what must go won't necessarily be pleasant and may even leave a distasteful memory. The cost of not sorting things out, however, is much higher than we should be willing to pay.

Practice or Real Life?

When I was involved in theater, we would always get the cast together to do a read through of the script. This gave us a chance to get to know each other, hear the director's thoughts, and start to discover more about our characters. It was a safe practice that wasn't open to the public because we weren't ready for that step yet. We needed time to rehearse and become more comfortable with our show before it was time to step under the lights. The read through wasn't the real performance and didn't reflect what things were going to be once we had more time to refine

Life might be easier if we were able to do a read through before the big performance, but it's not how things happen. Every piece of our life is real and part of the larger show of who we are and who we're becoming. Each conversation we have carries weight and our actions have a more powerful impact than we might realize in the moment. I don't think this means we should live fearfully, but that we should see how each interaction and event in our life is part of the big show. We can't casually dismiss pieces of it as they all contribute to the sum of our lives.

Releasing Your Grip

There are people who are hoarders of possessions. They continue to stockpile things without being able to get rid of them until it overwhelms their home and family. It's not something I completely understand, but I offer no ridicule either. It is a true anxiety disorder which can be quite debilitating.

While we may not all suffer from this particular disorder, I do think we practice hoarding in other ways in our life. We may be hanging onto our talents and abilities and not finding ways to use them. We have positive words and encouragement we can speak to our family and friends and choose not to speak them. We have financial resources (even when limited) we can use to help others and cling tightly to them instead of releasing some to make a difference.

This type of hoarding is harder to classify and doesn't get the same consideration as the more widely recognized disorder. It can still cause unexpected anxiety while limiting our person growth and depriving others around us of a potential blessing. If it's within our power to make a positive difference, we should use whatever we have for that purpose.

It's Not a Quick Fix

It’s sometimes difficult being a person who wants to fix things when they aren’t going well. I want to assess an issue, come up with a solution, and put it into action. Unfortunately, part of this desire can work against me by looking only for a quick fix. Long-term and deep problems can’t be remedied with a snap decision and limited time. As I often share with people in counseling situations, “You can’t change in a day what took a lifetime to create."

There are some situations which can’t be corrected with a shift in strategy, an innovative approach, or a perfectly timed word of wisdom. I think this is good counsel for personal relationships and an especially valuable perspective for the church. Instead of trying to quickly fix a person’s problem(s) and then assimilating them into the church body, we should be focused on engaging with people on a journey of faith and healing. God didn’t put His church together just to provide a overnight medication for what ails us. He intends this to be a thriving, committed group living in healing grace together each day.

The church should be viewed as a long-term, loving community instead of a religious, urgent-care clinic where we want to diagnose, treat, and dismiss people as quickly as possible. True religion isn’t a quick fix, but an ongoing commitment to seeking God together.

It's a Dangerous Practice

There is a simple thing that can quickly bring instability to any relationship. It's been known to disrupt marriages, friendships, and even work environments. When I lead premarital counseling I always caution against the inherent danger in this common practice. It's the poison of unmet, unexpressed expectations. 

We all have expectations for how things should develop and how certain situations should unfold. By itself this isn't necessarily negative. Problems start to arise when we get upset or greatly disappointed when our expectations aren't met. When we allow this to impact the people around us when we have never shared those thoughts, we are now adding another qualifying characteristic: unreasonable. 

It's not very wise to believe other people will be able to anticipate how to respond exactly how we want them to. Learning to share these thoughts creates an opportunity to discover what is realistic while making our feelings known. A clear communication of desires may not necessarily bring the results we intended, but it does open up the pathway to honest expression. Too many relationships fail when one person gets upset and the other person has no idea why. 

Either learn to share these expectations (and make realistic adjustments) or stop taking things personally when they don't happen according to an internal, unshared script.

An Extra Day

How often do we wish for one extra day? I know I've felt that way near the end of a good vacation when I've wanted just one more day of relaxation. Perhaps it was while on a honeymoon or while having a great time with friends and family. In crunch time at work, I know I've often wished for one more day to get things done and get caught up.

I realized yesterday that I've been given the gift of one more day for this year. Instead of the standard 365 days to use, we have 366 due to leap year. It may not seem like much since the calendar keeps rolling along, but the truth is there is still one more day in 2016 than in 2015.

How should I spend this gift? Leap day has already passed me by, but that doesn't mean I can't take advantage of another day in the future and do something special with it. What do I do with this gift? What's the best thing I can do to take advantage of an extra 24 hours this year? I don't want to take it for granted and just let it pass me by. These don't come around every year after all.