It's a Dangerous Practice

There is a simple thing that can quickly bring instability to any relationship. It's been known to disrupt marriages, friendships, and even work environments. When I lead premarital counseling I always caution against the inherent danger in this common practice. It's the poison of unmet, unexpressed expectations. 

We all have expectations for how things should develop and how certain situations should unfold. By itself this isn't necessarily negative. Problems start to arise when we get upset or greatly disappointed when our expectations aren't met. When we allow this to impact the people around us when we have never shared those thoughts, we are now adding another qualifying characteristic: unreasonable. 

It's not very wise to believe other people will be able to anticipate how to respond exactly how we want them to. Learning to share these thoughts creates an opportunity to discover what is realistic while making our feelings known. A clear communication of desires may not necessarily bring the results we intended, but it does open up the pathway to honest expression. Too many relationships fail when one person gets upset and the other person has no idea why. 

Either learn to share these expectations (and make realistic adjustments) or stop taking things personally when they don't happen according to an internal, unshared script.

Expecting More

We have a powerful partnership with Vaughn Chapel Missionary Baptist Church here in Milledgeville. Their lead pastor, Tony Fraley, is a great man of God who is desperate to see churches come together and
facilitate change in our community. He & I meet regularly to challenge and encourage each other and are always looking for ways to partner together. Tony came to Northridge this past Wednesday night with several members of their church and shared with us and I am still meditating on the message that he brought and all that it means for my own life & the future of the church here. He taught out of 2 Kings 4 and the story of a widow that asked the prophet Elisha for help which was brought to her through a miracle of God providing oil based in part on her faith. Here are some highlights below (with some added commentary from yours truly) :

When the vessels were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.” And he said to her, “There is not another.” Then the oil stopped flowing. (2 Kings 4:6 ESV)

• Are we mixing our prayer with faith?
  (It's easy to say the words without actually believing God will do anything.)

• Pray and apply faith with action.
  (Sometimes the answer to our prayer is revealed by taking action.)

• If you don't expect anything you won't receive anything.
  (In other words, you get what you pray for.)

• The essence of faith is expectation.
  (It's a waste of time if we aren't expecting God to do anything.)

• Faithfully anticipate.
  (Look for God's specific response--it will be there.)

• God gets frustrated with us when we don't expect Him to deliver.
  (He has shown us that He wants to bless His children. Shouldn't we look forward to that?)

• Prayer is often the last thing on our list. We do everything else 1st.
  (This one hits close to home. It's time to stop operating solely on our own power & go to God at the beginning instead of the end.)

• Expectation is the mental attitude of the faithful.
  (You've got to prepare yourself mentally for what God will do. It's not just an attitude, but an exercise in growth.)

• Action is the physical attitude of our faith.
  (Don't just stretch your mind. You need to stretch your abilities, wallet, and calendar to make a difference.)

• Your answer may come at any moment from any direction.
  (You can anticipate an answer, but God doesn't always work in the exact manner we have seen before. Keep your eyes open and trust that He's working in the best way possible.)

• Do you believe He can do or will do?
  (This describes our view of God. Do we see Him as all-powerful, but withholding blessing or as a generous Father & King who wants to give the best to His children?)

Waiting for Something

I mowed the yard at our new house today for the first time. It's a pretty good sized yard and it was the first time I had used our push mower in over a year and a half (we were spoiled at our last house by our delightful neighbors having a zero-turn riding mower.) There is a ditch in the front of the house that is tricky to mow & a slight incline from the street corner all the way to our driveway. It ended up being a serious workout that left me feeling very thirsty for the hour and 45 minutes I mowed.

At one point I found myself wishing that my wife would bring me some cold water to abate my thirst. I could have stopped and come inside to get it myself, but wanted to keep moving to finish up. I actually found myself getting more frustrated as I got hotter and yet no one brought any water out. As I kept pushing on and glancing at the front porch hoping for refreshment, I realized how foolish I was being. I was getting worked up over something that I hadn't even asked anybody to do. I ended up laughing out loud (at myself) as I recognized what I was doing. I was getting upset over my own unexpressed, unmet expectations. Naturally, shortly after I had my front-yard epiphany my wife showed up with cold water for me. She's good to me that way. 

Make sure you communicate what your thoughts are instead of hoping people read them and react the way you want.