Thursday, February 14, 2013

Half Life

Today is an anniversary for my wife and I--it was on Valentines Day in 1992 that we had our first date. We had talked & semi-flirted for a while and had made a pact in early January that we would be each other's compensation dates on Valentines Day if neither of us had one. As the day drew closer neither one of really wanted to find someone else, but were eagerly anticipating the time together. I remember purposefully waiting to kiss her until that night (even though I had walked her to her dorm room many nights before the 14th.) I knew she was something special, but had no idea on that day in 1992 that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I did know it in 1993 on our one-year dating anniversary when I asked her to marry me.

Although we hit this milestone for her a few years ago (since she is younger than me) we have now been together for half of my life. These 21 years may seem like a long time together, but I can say with confidence that another 21 years won't be enough time either.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Manly Men

Most men are very concerned with their image (present company included) and work to make sure that image is maintained. We make it a goal to maintain a "manly" demeanor that is always strong. When it's applied incorrectly it damages our relationships and reduces the integrity of our character. Our goal of appearing strong is actually eliminated as we reveal our insecurity and weakness. 

Even though it might seem contradictory to what we have been taught, we can make the conscious choice to say things that will show we are a real man:
  • I'm sorry
  • I was wrong
  • I forgive you
  • How can I help?
  • Thank you
  • I love you
  • I need help
  • I don't know
The truth is that strength is found in authentic vulnerability and humility.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Sharing the Middle Places

I am blessed with a wife who has a phenomenal way with the written word. She has several woman friends who share this gift and who were kind enough to let their husbands step in to write for them on their Middle Places blog this week. My turn was yesterday--check out the link below & feel free to peruse the other postings.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Man Alive


In his book, Man Alive, Patrick Morley speaks to the heart of men who are looking for validation and inspiration as they pursue a deeper purpose in their life. His commitment to men's ministry is evident in his body of work, but never has it been more evident than in his most recent book, Man Alive. He writes with the wisdom of his years of experience in men's ministry, but admits his own vulnerability as well. He is able to accurately pinpoint the root causes of the struggles men face and identify the life changes that need to take place to address them.

In his opening chapter, Morley accurately identifies the shortfall that all men are facing: the lack of transformation through the power of God's Word. His assessment of a man's desire to be a powerful leader is correct as is his assertion that we fail when we neglect to pursue it through God's means. This lack of spiritual connection is the fundamental flaw in the development of our character and leads to dysfunctional relationships as a spouse, parent, friend, and industry leader.

I have always been a fan of Patrick Morley's writing and the ministry he leads for men. Even though I have enjoyed his other books, I firmly believe this is his best work to date. I accredit most of this to his years of ministry experience and his careful analysis of the psyche of men who are searching for purpose. I highly recommend this book for any man and even for Christian wives seeking to help their husbands improve their relationship. I am adding this book to the reading list for my men's group and look forward to re-reading it in the near future.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Life Hurts

Sometimes life is difficult. I'm not talking about small interpersonal conflicts or stress at work, although they can create a tension to be managed as well. I'm writing specifically about the gut-wrenching pain that we suffer when things go horribly wrong. It's the hammering of your heart in your chest as the doctor tells you that you have cancer. It's the deep sorrow that envelopes your soul as you learn of an unexpected death. It's the shock and pain of discovering you have been betrayed by someone you trust. It's the incredible sense of loss when that person you love has walked out of your life for good.

I haven't endured all of these, but I have experienced enough to know how deeply these can wound you. In the middle of the initial shock and recovery you often feel as if you can't see past the pain. When we see those we care about suffering we want to help, but often don't know what to say or do. There are no easy answers and often the cliche statements (although spoken with good intentions) don't appease the pain.

When life hurts perhaps the best thing we can do is simply be with the people we care about. Words aren't even necessary, but we can provide comfort through our tears and our intentional presence. We learn to trust in the God of peace and the comfort that He brings through us as we share in the grief of our loved ones. Trusting in His soothing Spirit is better than any words we can speak.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Self Check-Up

We had intended to open our services tomorrow by dropping things into a small pool on stage and seeing how big of a splash we could create. Unfortunately, the pool had a leak in it and now there is water on the stage instead. I had even stacked two kiddie pools inside one another and laid down plastic, but apparently the leak was big enough that those steps didn't matter. It's clear now that I should have checked the pools more thoroughly before putting water in them.

We should regularly examine ourselves in the same manner. We can't assume that our spiritual relationship is still strong when we don't perform regular checkups. It's foolish to assume that your marriage is rolling right along when you haven't stopped to assess the health of your spouse. Don't pretend that your children are just fine because their schedules are busy when you haven't paused to really find out how they are doing. Failing to be diligent in faithfully examining ourselves will leave a bigger mess than a puddle of water on the carpet.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Good Together

My wife and I will have been a couple for 21 years next Thursday. I've written in this space many times about what a lucky man I am and the incredible relationship we have with each other. As much as I could fill this blog with poetic words about my wife's strengths and our marriage, I won't do that today. I will simply say this: we are good together. As cheesy as it sounds, we complete each other. We are able to provide a balance of thought and emotion for one another that other people just can't fill. I am her solid rock and calming presence and her thoughts, reflections, and insights are the ones that matter the most to me. We can make things right for each other simply by being together--even if it's just conversation over a cup of coffee. It's a good fit for us & I couldn't be happier or more blessed to go through life with such a complementary companion.