Doing Hard Work

One of the most profound statements shared at yesterday's Suicide Awareness Symposium was by a survivor--the wife of a man killed by suicide. She was talking about the difficult task of working through your emotions after this tragic event. She said, "You can do your work now or you can do your work later, but there's no avoiding the work." Her point was that while you might try to avoid dealing with the grief and deep loss of suicide, it will have to be addressed eventually.

Her assessment is absolutely true and not just about suicide. We have all had difficult (and sometimes traumatic) events affect us in life. Many times we avoid handling them in a way which could help lead us to healing because we are afraid of what might happen in the process. I think sometimes we are just too overwhelmed with the thought of confronting our own emotions. As I've discovered in my own life however, at some point we will be forced to face these head on. While taking a moment to catch our breath before doing this work might be helpful in the short term, we can't avoid these steps forever. We each have to decide when we are willing to tackle these events and then commit to the work to get us through it.

Just Listen

We hosted a Suicide Awareness Symposium at Northridge today as a service to our community. I have had my own life deeply impacted by suicide and was grateful for the wisdom and encouragement offered by all. This is can be an area of great unease, but one it is necessary to talk about if we want to help people in crisis.

I believe there are more people in that type of crisis around us than we know. I feel certain a great number of people in our community are struggling with feelings of hopelessness. If we want to be able to help, we've got to learn to listen.

Part of this involves hearing what people have to say, but it also means we are paying attention to nonverbal communication. Engaging all of our senses in compassionately caring for our community gives us the ability to see what is actually going on. This won't happen if we don't slow down our personal pace of life enough to notice. Our desire to listen means we will focus our attention (without any other distractions) on being present for those in need. Intently listening lets someone know we are there and we care what happens to them. Sometimes that focused compassion may be enough to save someone from making a choice they won't live to regret.

You're Not Alone

I was truly saddened by the news of the passing of Robin Williams yesterday. I recognize that his suicide has drawn more attention because he is a celebrity, but it also brings to light to an area of darkness that we are far too silent about. His tragic choice has temporarily raised awareness of the dangers of depression and the consequences of isolation and mental illness. Sadly, unless you have been in that dark place of contemplation or have directly been affected by suicide, this awareness will fade.

If I had the chance to talk with anyone who is struggling with thoughts of self-harm I would simply say this: don't be quiet about your pain and don't believe the lie that no one cares. I know that it seems too much to handle alone and you're right. Know that there are people who care deeply for you and want to help.

For everyone else I would say: Don't ignore people around you who are quiet and seem troubled. Make the effort to stand with them and let them know that the darkness isn't the final answer. Take the time to listen to people's stories. Listen beyond their words and have the courage to help. We might feel that we aren't qualified to help, but sometimes we just need to let people know that they aren't alone and that we care enough to listen.