Falling Down

The game of dominoes is not one I've ever played, but I do remember setting them up in a row to be knocked over. There are even online videos of intricate, lengthy circles and rows ready to be pushed down. It's a fascinating thing to watch, but is less enthralling when it feels like your personal life is being treated like a row of dominoes.

There are times when it seems as if one circumstance after another piles up and knocks down our resistance, endurance, courage, and health. It feels like this falling motion is completely out of control and we have to wait for everything to hit the floor before we can recover. How can we stop this from happening? How do we regain some of our lost courage and find a way to stop the cycle of disappointment and pain? Is there a way out or are we doomed to waiting out this pattern and hoping we have strength at the end to survive?

When things are threatening to careen out of control, we have to learn to ask for help. It’s extremely difficult to jump in front of the avalanche and stop this momentum on our own. It is possible, however, to halt this destructive pattern if we humbly ask for help. In fact, it’s the only way we can expect to find lasting recovery from the hurts we are enduring.

I Care

We all want to be loved and cared for. When we are shown compassion and genuine personal warmth, it reinforces the simple beauty of being human together. We need frequent reminders of caring to keep us healthy and need to freely share it to help others.

 

Learn to Share

This week we had some issues with our van and weren't quite sure how we were going to get everyone to all the places they needed to be while having it worked on at the same time. Fortunately, one of our close friends was able to let us borrow their car for a couple of days until we could get things sorted out. After returning their vehicle and thanking them for their kindness, my friend responded that they were glad they were able to help us out. My quick response back to him was, "So were we!"

There is a verse of wisdom in the book of Proverbs which says, "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act." It speaks to our need to make a difference when we have the ability to help. This could be any number of things: financial help, mowing a lawn, delivering dinner, helping someone move, loaning out our car, or simply listening. This is a powerful part of active, caring community when we are willing to help each other with what is within our power to share.

Vulnerable Plea

Three of the most difficult words to say out loud are, "I need help." Genuinely speaking these to another person takes a healthy dose of humility and reveals the trust we have in the person we are asking. It's hard to admit this because it reveals the fact that we don't have it all figured out. It means that we are unsure of what to do next and that we are opening ourselves up to the generosity of others. The truth is that it makes us vulnerable and we open ourselves to possible ridicule and rejection.

None of those outcomes are attractive, but if we don't take the risk we'll never get what we're looking for either.

You're Not Alone

I was truly saddened by the news of the passing of Robin Williams yesterday. I recognize that his suicide has drawn more attention because he is a celebrity, but it also brings to light to an area of darkness that we are far too silent about. His tragic choice has temporarily raised awareness of the dangers of depression and the consequences of isolation and mental illness. Sadly, unless you have been in that dark place of contemplation or have directly been affected by suicide, this awareness will fade.

If I had the chance to talk with anyone who is struggling with thoughts of self-harm I would simply say this: don't be quiet about your pain and don't believe the lie that no one cares. I know that it seems too much to handle alone and you're right. Know that there are people who care deeply for you and want to help.

For everyone else I would say: Don't ignore people around you who are quiet and seem troubled. Make the effort to stand with them and let them know that the darkness isn't the final answer. Take the time to listen to people's stories. Listen beyond their words and have the courage to help. We might feel that we aren't qualified to help, but sometimes we just need to let people know that they aren't alone and that we care enough to listen.