Failure of Nerve: Wedded Bliss

(This is part two of a series of blogs on failure of nerve. Click here to read the introduction blog.)

Marriage is a complicated relationship and one that takes a great deal of investment to thrive. I

believe that almost all couples enter into this covenant with a firm desire to make it succeed. We are willing to share, meet each other's needs, encourage each other spiritually and emotionally, and work through any circumstances. As time goes by we can become less focused on the things that made our marriage better and they fall by the side of the road on our journey. Husbands and wives find themselves trapped in self-made, cyclical prisons of routine and life demands and neglect the positive habits that kept them together. When conflicts arise we are left with two choices: engage in the difficult conversations and work through the raw emotions to heal or shove everything aside and pretend nothing is wrong. It takes courage to make things right when they've been wrong for so long. Failure of nerve in our marriage leads to an unhealthy, isolated relationship.

Have the courage to humble yourself, remember how much you love your spouse, and do the grunt work to make your relationship better.

Failure of Nerve

Have you ever seen an opportunity to do something right (even if it might be difficult) and chose to walk

away? Failure of nerve is when we don't have the disciplined courage to take action when it's necessary. It is a reflection of our own spiritual immaturity, apathy, selfishness, and fear. I can write about this with some authority based on my own failings. Far too often I have refused to address wrongs or walk away from situations I disagree with, but simply hoped they would get better on their own. I have been guilty of seeing someone with a physical need and turning my eyes away. I didn't have the courage to speak truth to someone in a loving way so I chose to ignore them instead. I'm not proud of these moments, but I recognize when I have allowed a failure of nerve to prevent me from taking action.

What questions  are we afraid to ask? What actions are we afraid to take? What risks do we avoid because we aren't sure of the outcome? This can be a pervasive problem and usually cannot be constrained to just one area of our life. It's time to explore potential pitfalls of fear and address them if we want to grow.

Deserving

As I was driving this morning I passed a billboard for a local car dealership that had the tagline, "You deserve it!" I understand their rationale--they want you to come buy a car and are trying to convince you that it's okay to spend the money. It's a deeper root of personal satisfaction that they are trying to influence however--the principle of self-entitlement. This is the underlying cause of so many of our current problems. We think we are entitled to a new possession so we go into debt. Men & women justify their infidelity based on their unhealthy marriages and claim that it is perfectly fine to stray. We rationalize our eating habits and laziness based on our busy schedules and stress levels. We spend time online or in front of the television each night instead of with our families because we've worked hard and deserve the down time. 

The phrase, "I deserve it!" becomes a crutch for poor decision making and abandoning principles that are important to us when it's used selfishly. It might seem acceptable (and even beneficial) at the moment, but the results can have lasting effects.

Peeking Ahead

I drove to Macon this morning and stopped at a little restaurant on the way called The Little Blue Box. I had been there a couple of times before and had been looking forward to having their pork chop, egg & cheese biscuit. It's kind of sad that I was anticipating something to eat quite so much, but I still managed to enjoy my breakfast (and will do so again when I make my way by there again.)

It's important to have some things to look forward to. It can be something simple like a good meal or watching a movie with your family. It's anticipating time on the front porch with your wife at the end of a long day. Sometimes it's just the comfort of knowing there is nothing planned for your day off. It  can even be a circle date on the calendar as you celebrate two friends marrying each other.

Positive anticipation fosters hope and gives us things to look forward to even on the most mundane days. Build the big and small events in and enjoy the moments when they arrive.

Position Change

Depending on what level of athletics you are competing in, it can be tough to switch from one position to another. If the two are somewhat related it is easier, but several factors affect the difficulty. An increased level of competition, the length of time you have played your original position, the difference in necessary skills, and the amount of time for transition can all contribute to an uncomfortable change. It's best to prepare for this adjustment by being as flexible as possible, having the willingness to invest in the change, and persevering through the transformation to find success.

While an athletic position switch might not be on the horizon, God is most certainly working in us for change. Our success will depend on how we answer a few questions:

• How are you positioning yourself to see the calling that God has on your life? 
• What areas do you recognize that you need to grow in?
• Are you willing to be humble enough to see your areas of needed growth?
• Where is your devotion increasing? 
• What are you asking God to reveal to you as you look to the future?

Old & Familiar

I needed to fill a cooler with ice for our life group picnic yesterday and went to the kitchen at the church. I

opened the ice machine and scooped the ice into the cooler and was mentally transported back to my days working at Mainland High School. The distinctive sound of ice falling from a metal scoop to land in a plastic-bottomed cooler with a loud, "BANG!" brought me to the hundreds (if not thousands) of coolers I filled throughout my career in athletic training. It evoked memories of sweltering days of August football, blustery Saturdays filled with soccer, and prepping for five different events at once. I could feel myself in the environment of the old athletic training facility with gold & royal blue cabinets and tables. The bustle of athletic training students and athletes coming in and out fills the with air with conversation and laughter. Intermittent announcements blare over the intercom as we shout over them to get people's attention. The line of athletes waiting to be taped & treated starts to lengthen. Eventually the room clears as practices begin and buses leave for road trips. These are some of my fondest memories of great years in my life.

It is said that the old & familiar is an anchor to the soul. It applies to the meaning found in an old song, the sound of a loved one's voice, the noise of a car that signals a father's arrival from work, the comforting creak of a floorboard in a family house, or a jingling collar as a family pet trots to the door. These noises are all a key part of our memories and the unexpected sound of them so many years later can quickly transport us on a sweet ride down memory lane.

Hunger Pangs

What are you hungry for? We desire victory, affirmation, reputation, prestige, wealth, respect, admiration, and responsibility. While we might want these things (and even genuinely feel that we need them) our deepest desire can be summed up in one word: acceptance. It's this deep hunger of our heart that leads us to spend our whole lives searching for fulfillment. Our relationships become the source of our acceptance, but when we exclude God from the equation we find ourselves lacking what we desperately need.

Our enemy recognizes this and tries to convince us to look at other sources. He makes sure that the buffet table of temporary satisfaction that he serves from has an appealing aroma and the appearance of everything we are searching for. It's only when he has us locked into a chair at the table that we find that what we are served is much less than advertised. 

Anything less than God will prey on our sense of longing and appease our appetite, but never satisfy our hunger. That can only be found in an authentic, humble journey with our heavenly Father who never abandons, never gives up, and will work tirelessly to give us what we need.