Emotional Roller Coaster

In Ezekiel 20, God talks about the rebellion of His people against Him in Egypt and their deliberate sin of idolatry. He admits to Ezekiel that His immediate response was to inflict His anger on them in Egypt, but instead He held back. He says in verse 9, "I acted out of who I was, not by how I felt."

I believe that God was not simply recounting history for us, but was establishing a guideline for our own behavior choices. We can easily become overcome by our emotional reactions to people, circumstances, and the opportunity to sin. Denying that initial, impulsive reaction and remembering our true character is the key to remaining distinctly different in our culture. Our foundational identity as followers of Christ should serve as that reminder that we do not have to allow our emotions to reign over all our decisions. Not only is it the healthiest decision for us, it is the example that God desires us to follow as His people.

Starting Line

The old saying for avoiding trouble is, "Don't start none, won't be none." I actually thought of this phrase while meditating on a different topic though-the concept of change.

I don't know that many people are perfectly content with the current status of their life. We all desire for things to improve (even in minor ways) and to see change take place. The problem with desiring change is that it takes effort on our part to make it a reality. If we don't begin the actions that lead to change, it won't accidentally happen to us.

• We want our marriages to improve, but neglect to have the hard conversations to work through past hurts & regrets.
• We want to be in better physical shape, but won't start the process of eating healthier & exercising.
• We want to be closer to our children, but don't start the conversations to hear what they are truly thinking.
• We desire a better financial future, but continue to spend each monthly dollar without a plan to improve it.
• We want to be better Christians, but aren't willing to sacrifice our time, energy, and talents to live like one.

The change that is necessary in our lives will not take place because we wished for it. It is an endeavor of faith and action that leads us to improvement.

What Time Is It?

There are two Greek words that describe the concept of time-chronos  and kairos. The first term describes the sequence of life events as they occur while the second refers to unique moments of interaction and revelation. We need to observe the chronos or we will pay our bills late, miss anniversaries & birthdays, and never show up to work on time.  We are usually focused on the "get 'er done" mentality of crossing things off our list and worry more about chronos. For real growth and life fulfillment it is more important that we pay attention to the kairos moments in life-the fulfilling time when God speaks to us. 

Can we see those God-speaking moments in our life? Do we remember when He gave us instruction, direction, or discipline? If we don't feel we have had those then what can we do to be more alert? He obviously hasn't changed and still desires to communicate with His people-He always has. I would argue that the lack of kairos moments is a result of our inability to clear the path for communication and our poor listening skills.

If we aren't hearing from Him it isn't because He has lost His voice. Perhaps it's because we've lost our desire to listen to what He has to say.

Don't Ask Me

I don't know what is next. I do know what is on my calendar (it's full) and I know what tasks I need to be working on (multiple categorized lists help.) There are just so many other details that I am unsure of in the middle of this continually busy season. 

We continue to pray, study Scripture, strategize, and dream, but that doesn't always mean the answers will be immediately evident. I am still seeking solutions for ministry direction, new ways to connect to people, a new living situation, parenting solutions, and the next steps on the path God is leading us on. It can be frustrating and tense to not have the responses you seek.

In this I am reminded of a God who has never let me down before. He is called the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to prompt memories of His previous deliverance--not just in Biblical history, but in my own life. He never fails to provide and it is my (sometimes shaky) confidence in that provision that carries me through.  It is not knowing and still trusting in Him that defines and refines my faith.

Where else would I put my hope and trust?

Hand to Face

Jesus fed thousands of people and then left the area overnight to minister elsewhere. When the people realized that He had moved on they followed Him. When they arrived and started to question His disappearance, He told them that they were not looking for actions of God, but were simply following Him because He had filled their stomachs.

It's easy to fall into this trap even today. The depth of our relationship with God becomes about what He can do for us instead of seeking intimacy with Him. It's the same as looking for the hand that has a gift for us and never looking up to see who it is from. Our relationship with Christ becomes transformed (as do all others in our life) when we focus on His face and seek out His character instead of just looking for a heavenly handout.

Depth Finder

As I read through Ezekiel, there is a passage where God leads the prophet through some hidden chambers to show him where the people of Israel are sinning. They have falsely believed that no one knew about their sin, including God. 

This really is no different for the sins that we attempt to hide today. While we may not have golden idols hidden in our basement or poles in shady areas that we offer daily sacrifices to, we attempt to keep our sins out of sight. We hang onto resentment in our hearts for people around us, refuse to publicly acknowledge our addictions, rationalize our behaviors, and judge others to keep the focus off ourselves. 

The only way for this to change is for us to do as it says in Scripture and boldly ask God to examine our hearts. This request isn't for His benefit. He already knows everything there is to know about us--even those motivations that are hidden deeply from ourselves. The reason we ask God to search us is so that we can see the depths of our heart for ourselves. When God's light has exposed every dark corner of our soul we can finally begin the true cleansing & transformation that is necessary to be holy people.  

Better Than I Deserve

Today is my birthday. I don't usually do a lot of celebrating of my own anniversary of birth. It's not that I am afraid of getting older or don't want the reminders of progressive age. It is really a reflection of not wanting a fuss to be made over me. Now I could pick that apart some (and believe me I have) but I'll let it stand on its own for this day. Let it just be sufficient to say that the day normally passes fairly quietly and without much fanfare.

This year has been somewhat different for me however. I was battling through some things in prayer this morning and seeking God's direction for me, my family, and future ministry. There were no specific answers given to most of that prayer & journaling, but He did provide it in other ways. The rest of my day was filled with birthday wishes and encouragement from colleagues, family, friends, and current and former church members. It was an extravagant reminder to me of the life that I have been blessed to live in Florida & now in Georgia. As each notification and well-wish came in, I reflected on my life interactions with each person and the moments that I have been gifted to share with them. It is a vivid reminder of the path of life that God has led me on and the beautiful people I have been allowed to live it with.

I am grateful for each interaction and story that I have to tell. Each one has shaped me and my family into who we are today and I pray that my influence has also been a blessing in return. God has shown His great love to me through all of you and I most certainly will not take it for granted.