Scar Tales

I have a few scars on my body: one on my forehead from tackling a church pew at 3 years old, one on my hand from catching a broken ceramic bowl and getting 10 stitches, and a couple on my right knee from arthroscopic surgery many years ago. My wife has her own collection ranging from c-sections to cancer-related surgeries, and nerve reattachment in her finger.

Our body's scars tell personal stories of accidents, healing, and recovery. Our emotional scars do the same even though they may not be as outwardly visible. Sometimes our inward scars scare us and we try to hide them instead of confronting them and then telling our story of healing and recovery. For our own growth and the benefit of others, we have to not be afraid to tell those stories. Our testimony can encourage others and speak of the healing power of God in our lives. They help describe who we are and the journey we have taken to be at this point. We can help people in similar circumstances endure the hard parts of recovery and realize that they aren't alone in the painful part of their journey.

My scars don't inhibit me like they used to, but they do remind me of the path I've taken to get here and the power that is found in sharing recovery.

Surface Level

We can come into a church each week looking pretty on the outside. We can make sure that our outfit looks just right, our hair is done in just the right way, and that there are no glaringly obvious blemishes. Parents reprimand their children to act appropriately so that no one notices that things are actually out of alignment in our lives. Couples act as if everything is just fine so issues won't be brought up. We plaster a smile on our faces even when it doesn't reflect what is truly going on in our hearts and minds.

We convince ourselves to hide the disease, brokenness, and fatal wounds that are infecting us because we don't want to admit they are there. They fester within us and damage relationships as a result of the venom they end up spewing out of that hurt or because of the walls that we throw up in the misguided notion that it protects us. Until we recognize these symptoms and admit our need for help nothing will get better. 

God's Church is a place of healing and grace-we don't always do it perfectly, but I firmly believe that is what we still are-and we need to reach out to the harassed and helpless. True healing also requires a transparent humbling of ourselves to see that we all share that need for God's healing touch.

Healing

I managed to push through all of our recent history maintaining a strength and focus that was certainly beyond me.  We dealt with the news of our departure from our Florida church and the fallout by committing our family to God and His ultimate plan for our lives.  The process was quick--within a month of the resignation we were here in Georgia and working.  There is no doubt that God orchestrated it all to lead us here and I know that the future is bright with Him leading the way.

Believing in that is one thing, but a wounded heart takes a whole lot longer to heal.  I can honestly admit that I was at peace throughout the entire turmoil and subsequent process.  I never lost my temper nor was I really tempted to do so.  Now that we are here and working I do find that I am hurt more than I wanted to admit.  Being forcibly ripped out of our lives there and the lives of people that I care about leaves gaping wounds that don't become whole overnight.  Constant reminders of what once was cause an ache in my heart and soul.  Resentment flares up and then dissipates.  The friends that have decided that our previous relationship was only pertinent due to proximity bring about heartfelt disappointment.  I liken it to the grief process-denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  In no way does it compare to loss of life, but my heart doesn't know the difference.  It grieves for what is lost-a status, a place, a church, and relationships that will never be the same.

I know that He will make me new again-He does it every day.  The process itself is painful though and I know that I don't have the strength to do this on my own.  I will simply trust in my King and take comfort in how He is already doing His work on my heart.

If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation.  The old things have gone; everything is made new.  2 Corinthians 5:17