Say Something

The fear of doing the wrong thing can be powerfully paralyzing. We can become afraid of saying something destructive to our kids so instead we don't speak a word. We are so worried about upsetting our spouse that we don't address issues that are necessary. We see wrongs in our community but become overwhelmed with maintaining political correctness instead of stepping up with solutions. In each of these areas we have falsely convinced ourselves that silence is better than making a mistake.

Things don't naturally get better without some investment and energy. It's time to cast aside our reservations and step forward (even if a bit anxiously & cautiously) into action. Becoming people of thoughtful action spurs us towards change.

Failure of Nerve

Have you ever seen an opportunity to do something right (even if it might be difficult) and chose to walk

away? Failure of nerve is when we don't have the disciplined courage to take action when it's necessary. It is a reflection of our own spiritual immaturity, apathy, selfishness, and fear. I can write about this with some authority based on my own failings. Far too often I have refused to address wrongs or walk away from situations I disagree with, but simply hoped they would get better on their own. I have been guilty of seeing someone with a physical need and turning my eyes away. I didn't have the courage to speak truth to someone in a loving way so I chose to ignore them instead. I'm not proud of these moments, but I recognize when I have allowed a failure of nerve to prevent me from taking action.

What questions  are we afraid to ask? What actions are we afraid to take? What risks do we avoid because we aren't sure of the outcome? This can be a pervasive problem and usually cannot be constrained to just one area of our life. It's time to explore potential pitfalls of fear and address them if we want to grow.

Fear of Failing

I know that failure is an excellent teacher. So many times people will say that "failure is not an option" but it most certainly is. We will fail at some point and can choose to learn from it or to ignore the potential lesson and find ourselves doomed to repeat the same mistakes. I've learned a great deal from my personal failures and from observing the failures of those around me. 

I don't discount those learning opportunities, but will also readily admit that I fear failure in some circumstances. I fear disappointing my wife by not being the man she believes that I am. I fear failing my children by damaging them so severely that it impairs their future relationships and ability to cope effectively. I have a fear of failing my daughters by not preparing them effectively for their future. I fear failure in ministry by missing an opportunity to provide the truth of the Gospel to someone who is desperately receptive to it. I fear failing by disappointing the people in my life that are important to me.

While I can learn to embrace certain types of personal failure as an opportunity for growth, there are other areas of failure that motivate me to keep doing the right thing each day. Learning from one and avoiding the other keep us humble and focused on what is right.

Greater Than: God > fear

Fear can be incredibly debilitating. It prevents us from growing, paralyzes us with indecision, and can wreck our concept of trust. It's not always an irrational fear, but can often be explained by our experiences as well.We can become fearful when we suffer through something traumatic and allow that moment to become the root of insecurity and a barrier to future decisions. When we refuse to address it we give it power over us that can sometimes bring our pace of life to an immediate halt.

I believe this inhibiting power is why God tells us that the fear of Him is the beginning of wisdom. It involves our recognition of God's divine omnipotence and a spiritual release when we see that no fear is greater than God's ability to overcome it. As we learn to respect and honor Him we will find that the dark shadows that have entrapped us for so long have been illuminated by truth.

Learned Behavior

Our dog Zeddie (love of my girls' life & frequent bane of my wife's existence) is a rescue dog. Friends of ours in Florida gave him to us several years ago as we rescued them from him as well. He had obviously been beaten when he was a puppy and continues to exhibit some of those same characteristics of trauma today. He will cower when I walk into a room even though I do nothing but pet him and show him love. The past is such a powerful reminder for him that he can't move beyond it, but reacts in a way that he has been conditioned to react.

How often does this describe us? I was at a conference with our leadership team this week and we were talking about coaching sessions for church staff. I admitted that it had taken me a few years to change my perspective on coaching because it had been done poorly and infrequently in my previous experience. It left such a negative image in me that I would be filled with anxiety for several days before a coaching session. Even if I knew that the end result would not be a negative one, I still struggled with the reality of my present circumstances because of the pain of past situations. 

I wager that this is why so many people struggle with the grace & mercy of  God. We equate our poor human representations with the magnanimous love of God and are afraid to freely accept it. When God extends His hand to show us love, we cower in the corner waiting for Him to strike us in retribution. The process of unlearning fearful, reactive behavior can only be achieved by humbly accepting the flood of genuine love God is waiting to give us. Once we have experienced the genuine passion He has for His people we can break the cycle of negative expectations.